A Pep Talk For Writers Struggling to Find Writing Time

By Jody Hedlund, @JodyHedlund

If you've been reading my blog long enough, you'll know that I'm a homeschooling mom of five children (although my oldest just graduated and is now in college). Like most teachers, I LOVE my summers off, especially because it allows me to spend extra time on my writing that I don't have during the school year.

My school years are filled with instructing my children as well as teaching a Grammar and Composition class for high school students. Both require a lot of time and effort (picture me most evenings grading essays that my students write!). In addition to my teaching job, I also have all of the other mom-duties that come with having large family–cooking big meals, trying not to drown in laundry, running kids to all of their many activities, etc.

As a teacher and mom, my schedule is already jam-packed. But add on to that a very full time writing job. This year I'm attempting to keep up with publishing three books with three different publishers. It's been a blast! But in addition to writing the books, it's also meant more editing, more marketing, and more administrative work.

Just recently at the start of a new school year, I sat down with my calendar and scratched my head, wondering how in the world I would be able to fit in time to write. Between school, piano lessons, art class, ballet, cross country, choir, youth group and host of other activities that are starting, I had a moment of panic.

But then, I took a deep breath and gave myself my annual pep talk, which goes something like this:

1. If you want this badly enough, you can do it. You love writing. It brings you great joy and fulfillment to weave stories. In the craziness of life, your story-world is a peaceful place to escape. So don't give up. You'd miss it too much.

2. You can find writing time each day if you look closely enough for it. You can find a hour or two. Yes, you might have to sacrifice something else to find that hour or two (like sleep or TV or baking homemade cookies). But you can find the time somewhere if you look closely enough.

3. Block out that writing time and don't waver from it. Once you find a window of opportunity to write (even if it's different every day), block it out on the calendar. Literally.

4. Be consistent even when you're tired, sick, and don't feel like writing. Of course you can't prevent emergencies. But barring a tornado or plane crashing into your home, sit your butt in the chair and write.

5. Look for ways to get extended writing time. You need those longer chunks of time too. Work with your significant other, parents, grandparents, or friend to take the kids or watch the dogs so that you can have a writing day or writing weekend (even if it's just once a month).

6. Demote social media and other non-essential to the leftover time. Yes, social media is fun. Yes, it's a great way to mingle with other writers. But it's a non-essential to a successful writing career. Keep it in its proper place and perspective.

7. Yes, it will be hard. But you've written under crazy circumstances in the past and you can do it again.

For all those writers who have day jobs or who are balancing busy children or who are struggling to stay consistent, my pep talk is for you too. There are seasons in our lives when finding writing time can be a huge challenge. You don't have to give up. If I can make it work, so can you!

How about YOU? Do you ever struggle to find writing time? What do you tell yourself to keep going?

The Difficulty of Being a Work-At-Home Mom

By Jody Hedlund, @JodyHedlund

Recently I had a conversation with one of my children that went something like this:

Child: "Can I invite BFF over to play this afternoon?"

Me: "Didn't you just see her last night?"

Child: "Yes, but we really want to get together again today."

Me: "You know I'm working this afternoon and I don't have time right now to go pick up your friend."

Child: "You never have the time. I wish you didn't have to work. Why do you have to write anyway?"

As a work-at-home mom (WAHM), I have these kinds of conversations from time to time with my five children. They're not my favorite kinds of chats. I come away from them feeling guilty, like maybe I shouldn't be working or at the very least, not working as much.

But I enjoy my writing. And so I usually tell my kids, "I don't HAVE to write. I WANT to write. I like writing. And I find it very fulfilling." I also remind them that even if I wanted to quit (which I don't!), that I can't because I'm under contract and I need to follow through with my obligation to write the books I said I would.

Our kids won't always understand our passions and gifts. Sometimes their world is limited and they can't see much beyond their current desires. In their frustration, they say things they don't really mean. Don't we all?

As a WAHM there will always be the inevitable push and pull between being the Mom and the Working Parent. Our kids and our work both need our time, attention, and energy. Unfortunately we don't have an endless supply, and there are days when we'll have to make tough choices that don't make anyone happy (like in the scenario above).

But in an effort to avoid some of the drama, here are a few of the things I'm trying to implement this fall:

1. I'm trying harder to keep work and mom time separate. I've been blocking in chunks of time several times a week where I can "lock" myself in my office and work (usually at times when my husband is home to supervise the kids or when my mom comes over) (and I use the word "lock" very loosely since I usually don't lock the door, and I allow for plenty of interruptions).

When my work time is over, I can come away from it and focus on my kids without work distracting me or pulling me away from them every few minutes.

2. Keep the lines of communication open. I want to be open with my family about my work demands so that they know what I'm working on and what's consuming my time. And then I also want them to feel free to come talk to me about their frustrations and concerns. In the busyness of life, however, making time for talking often gets pushed aside.

So this fall, we implemented "dates" with our kids (something we'd done in the past but had fallen away from). My husband and I rotate taking one child out for a special "date" each week. Usually it's something as simple as going to Target's cafe, getting popcorn, and chatting. The undivided time allows us to keep the lines of communication open.

3. Staying flexible to the changing needs of my children. As my children are getting older, their extra-curricular activities and friendships have increased in importance. Even though their busier schedules make my life more hectic, I'm trying to adjust without complaining (I've learned that complaining only compounds the problems!).

Adjusting means I haven't been able to be online as much this fall. I've also had less work time in the afternoons and subsequently write more at night after the kids go to bed. The key for me is being willing to change my expectations, reminding myself that what worked in the past won't always work now.

My Summary: Yes, there will always be unique frustrations that come with being a WAHM. But when I'm feeling especially discouraged, I remind myself that even though the boundaries get blurred when working at home, there are many blessings too. And as always, counting our blessings seems to put things in perspective.

What about you? For those who work from home, what are your biggest frustrations? How do you make it work?

5 Ways to Reduce the Working-Mom Whine Syndrome

Every mom is a working mom. I firmly believe that.

Some of us leave our homes to work. And others of us work from our homes. Location doesn’t determine the validity of our work. And neither does a pay check.

Unfortunately, our modern culture often doesn’t validate what we do unless we derive an income from it.

But I can’t tell someone who spends her days caring for an aging loved one that her job is less important than someone who works in a nursing home getting paid to care for the elderly.

And I can’t tell a mom who stays home every day to care for her young children that her job is less work than someone who works in a daycare and gets paid for her position.

I can’t tell a mom who teaches her children at home that her work is less valid than someone who goes into a school, teaches children there, and gets a paycheck.

I most certainly can’t tell an unpublished writer that her writing is less work than someone who has a couple books on the shelf and is bringing in an income.

No one should ever make us think any less of ourselves or our positions simply based on the location of our jobs or our income level (or lack of it).

Work is work—no matter where it takes place and whether we get paid or not.

However, if you’re like me, you want to feel validated for what you’re doing, for all of that hard work you do day after day, year after year.

Whether we get paid for our work or not, we working moms often don’t feel appreciated for all the many, many things that we do. And when we don’t feel appreciated, and when we get busy, and when things get overwhelming—and invariably they will—we tend to develop the working-mom whine syndrome.

Yes, we working moms, have the tendency to whine.

I became aware that I’d developed the whining syndrome when one of my teenage children pointed out that I was complaining a lot. (Teenage children are the experts at revealing our character flaws, aren’t they? )

And of course, once he mentioned it, I realized I had grown rather whiny—about being interrupted, about not having enough writing time, about having to play taxi-mom during my coveted writing time. You name it. I was complaining.

Now the truth is, I may not always get the kind of validation for all my work that I’d like, particularly from those closest to me. They won’t always see how many roles I have to juggle, all of the multitasking I have to do, and all of the sacrifices I have to make in order to do my work.

I can’t control their reactions.

But I can control mine. And in particular, I’ve realized that I can control my whining and complaining. Here are just a few ways I’m learning to do that.

1. Bite our tongues. Count to ten. Literally, grind our teeth together. And force ourselves not voice our frustration when we’re tempted to. When we complain aloud, we set a negative tone in our homes. Our children can even grow to resent our work because of all the negativity surrounding it.

2. Choose to be grateful. We shouldn’t just stifle the moment of frustration and stuff it down inside. Instead, in the heat of the moment we should find something—anything—that we can be grateful for. We can make a mental list of our blessings. Replace the habit of complaining with a new habit of lifting up thankful thoughts.

3. Identify one problem at a time and tackle it. Usually when we’re complaining, we need to look at our situations and find out what we can change to make things better. But we can’t change everything at once. Rather we can take baby steps.

For example, I’ve gradually worked up to four blocks of uninterrupted writing time a week. But I didn’t start with that much. I had to slowly go from having none, to now having a little bit of time at least four days a week where I can focus without too many interruptions.

4. Share frustrations at strategic times. We should be able to voice our frustrations at some point. But usually, we’ll have a better reception if we wait to share our concerns until we’re calm and can think clearly. Our family or friends still may not be able to see our perspective. We can’t make them change. But we will feel better for having attempted to explain our side.

5. Accept the hardships. Don’t try to dodge them. Sometimes we just have to adjust our way of thinking and accept that the problems won’t go away. I like this quote that I saw on Pinterest: Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Today, to help us all in our efforts to juggle mothering and writing, I’m giving away a copy of Suzannah Windsor Freeman’s new eBook called: The Busy Mom’s Guide to Writing. For a chance to win, leave a comment (and your email address for contact purposes). Giveaway ends Sunday, April 29 at midnight ET.

Have you ever felt unappreciated or that the work you do isn’t validated? Are you tempted to complain too much? How do you beat the working-mom whine syndrome?

6 Ways to Make More Time for Blogging & Writing

As a homeschooling mom of five children, I pour out my heart and soul into my children each day. After teaching at home for close to ten years, I’ve gradually realized it’s not healthy for me or even good for my children if I continually focus all my time and energy completely on them.

The fact is when we give of ourselves day-in and day-out, always pouring out but never filling up, we eventually find ourselves drained, going through the motions, and maybe even ready to give up. Yes, the role of motherhood (and fatherhood!) entails sacrifice at the very core. We would gladly and willingly lay down our lives for our children.

However, we need to find ways to fill ourselves back up. We can’t keep on giving when there’s nothing left. Our children and spouses can see when we’re frazzled and empty. They feel the effects of it. Not only do we suffer for our burnout, they do too.

We need to take some time to rejuvenate, recharge, and refresh so that we have what it takes to keep on going for the long haul. Of course there are countless ways to fill ourselves back up (exercising, gardening, baking, sewing, etc.). But over the years, I’ve learned that for me, writing is one of the best ways I can refuel.

In fact, over the past five years I’ve completed four full-length novels. The first book The Preacher’s Bride released last fall 2010 (through Bethany House Publishers). Another book, The Doctor’s Lady just released this month. And I'm currently doing in-house editing on the book that will release next year.

One of the questions I’m asked the most is, “How do you find time to write AND homeschool five children? How do you balance everything?”

I have to admit, it’s not easy to juggle the growing responsibilities of published author life and homeschooling. But . . . writing and blogging help fill up my tank. The creative process of writing brings me renewed energy.

Writing is a gift, an outlet, a way to connect with others in a similar situation, a way to pull thoughts together, an opportunity to minister to others, encourage, and uplift. Ultimately, writing and blogging can be so much more than a public journal—they can be a way to bless others.

But how do we make time to write and blog with all of the other demands on our time?

Here are six techniques I use to juggle writing/blogging and all my other responsibilities:

1. Schedule writing time. We need to pencil into our daily planner our writing time the same way we schedule subjects into a school day. I block out a little bit of time in the morning before my family awakens. I also carve out time in the afternoons when I’m done with all my teaching.

2. Prioritize our activities. We can’t do everything, even the really worthwhile activities. When we fill our lives so full of going here and there, we risk losing the creativity that comes from “down time.” We need those hours, even days, when we have the freedom to be home and just create. (And quite frankly, our kids need to be “bored” too, because boredom breeds creativity.)

3. Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Otherwise we won’t ever write. My afternoon writing time begins after my kids are done with school, when they’re noisy, energetic, and just being kids. That means my writing time is often full of interruptions and chaos. But I write anyway! (And use headphones!)

4. Plan alone, extended and uninterrupted writing for once a week, if possible. Because of the less than ideal writing conditions the rest of the week, I make a point of taking extended writing time on the weekends or during an evening. Extended time allows us critical focused alone time.

5. Get your family behind your writing. Even though my afternoons are less-than-ideal for writing, I still try to teach my children to respect my writing time. When I take it seriously, they’re more apt to follow suit. If we explain to our husbands the importance of refueling ourselves, we can enlist their support as well.

6. Eradicate the guilt. Realize that when we’re pursuing something we love, we’re modeling to our children that they too can pursue their passions, and that learning, being creative, and expressing ourselves never ends.

What about you? Are you taking the time to refuel and refresh yourself on a regular basis? Do you ever feel guilty for spending time doing things you love?

*I originally wrote this post for Jamie Martin at Simple Homeschool blog.

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Don't miss these two blog tour stops! I'm giving away signed copies of my book at both places!

Friday 9/23: I'm revealing my must-have road trip item on Lisa Bartelt's blog! I'm sure you're dying to know what I take with me everywhere! *wink*

Friday 9/23: On Gina Conroy's blog, I'm sharing how I got my first real "writing break."

Don't forget to enter my BE A TRAILBLAZER CONTEST! Only a few days left!

How I Do It: Ask For Help

The question I hear most often is this, “How do you do it? How do you manage five kids, homeschooling, and your writing?”

Lately, I’ve been sharing some of my secrets for how I do it. In one post, I shared about the need to ease into more responsibility (versus jumping in too deep at the start). In the last post, I talked about the importance of living intentionally, but also giving ourselves breathing room.

Today, I’m going to share another trick I have for managing all of my responsibilities. Here it is: I don’t manage everything. At least not by myself.

I have help.

No. I don’t have a live-in nanny. And no, I don’t have a full time maid—although I’d love for someone to bequeath one or the other to me in their will! And actually while they’re bequeathing, I wouldn’t mind a a chauffeur to drive my kids to all of their activities and a full time chef to prepare something besides frozen waffles and boxed mac & cheese.

Alas, I have none of the above. I’m the nanny, maid, chauffeur, and chef all wrapped into one—in addition to being a full time teacher and writer.

The reality is that I can’t do each of the jobs and do them well. I just can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried. And I’ve failed.

Although I’m independent and have a difficult time asking for help, over the years I’ve learned that I need support if I’m going to succeed. I’ve also learned that help can come in many different shapes and sizes, but that I can’t be afraid to ask for it.

We need support if we’re going to succeed.

We all need to surround ourselves with people who believe in us and what we’re doing. For example, in the ten years I’ve been homeschooling, I’ve become close to a group of women who are all going through the same challenges that come with home-teaching. Without their support, commiserating, and sharing of ideas, I likely would have quit long ago.
 
Same with my writing. If I didn’t have family and other writers who encouraged and believed in me, I’d have a difficult time withstanding the pressures and the criticism that come. Because they do come. There will always be people in our lives who don’t understand the things that are important to us, who think we should be doing something different, or who will point out the negatives.

Help comes in different shapes and sizes.

Over the past several years, my help has come in a variety of ways. First, I’ve enlisted the support of my husband. Since I gladly and willingly support him in his work, I only asked that he do the same for me. While it’s taken some time and plenty of conversations, we’re both learning to work together as a team in handling the many responsibilities of running a large family. In other words, he helps clean, runs errands, and even cooks some of the meals, so that the work is more manageable for both of us.

Second, I’ve worked at training my children to pitch in and help. In recent years, my older children (14 & 12) can handle more chores around the house. They do things like mow the lawn, fold & put away laundry, and meal preparation. I’ve even paid them to help watch my younger two children so that I can have more concentrated writing time.

My point is that, we often have more help at our fingertips than we realize. Which brings me to the next point . . .

We can’t be afraid (or ashamed) to ask for help.

We need to have open communication—especially with our families—about our desire for help. Sometimes it takes time for them to understand our passions, dreams, and subsequent needs, and we’ll have to patiently educate them. However, they won’t ever know what our needs are unless we actually have those conversations.

When I’ve opened up with friends about some of my scheduling struggles, they’ve gone out of their way to help me—particularly with the transporting of my kids to various activities. I’ve begun to realize that my friends and family want to help, but that they won’t know what I need unless I ask.

My Summary: So there you have it. Another one of the secrets of how I manage—I enlist the support and help of those around me. The bottom line is that we need each other. We can mutually edify and support one another. And in doing so lighten the burden’s we all have.

How about you? Do you try to handle too much on your own? Is it difficult for you to accept help? Or are you learning to share your needs and gain the support of those around you?

P.S. The winner of this week's signed copy of The Doctor's Lady is Carol Moncado. Congratulations, Carol! Remember, if you didn't win, there will still be LOTS & LOTS of opportunities to win a copy of my book during my blog tour! Check out my News & Events Page for all of the stops!

How I Do It: Ease Into More Responsibility

When my twins were babies, I loved dressing them in matching outfits. I’d stick bows in their hair and make cute ponytails that stood straight up on the tops of their heads. When I’d take them out in the double stroller, people would always stop to admire them.

I could never figure out why people asked, “Are they girls or boys?” I wanted to say, “Why in the world would I dress them in pink and put bows in their hair if they’re boys?” But of course, I was always polite.

Yes, there were admirers I wanted to escort over to the Pearle Vision Store. But then, on the flip side, there were plenty who saw the enormity of my situation—especially because I also had my two-year old son tagging along. They would say, “You’ve got your hands full, don’t you?”

And, when I look back to those days of managing twin babies and an active two year old, I get dizzy thinking about how much work it was! At one point, with three children under two years of age, changing diapers was a full time job.

Somehow through all the craziness, I survived. I even went on to have two more children. And now, whenever I go anywhere with my whole gang, invariably someone will say, “How do you handle five children?”

When they find out that not only do I have five kids, but that I homeschool AND am a full time writer, their incredulous tone rises in pitch as they stammer, “What? How can you possibly do all of that?”

So, how does one manage multiple responsibilities? (Without going crazy?)

It’s not easy. I’m the first to admit it. I won’t pretend my life is bliss.

But managing multiple responsibilities is NOT an impossibility. One of the lessons I’ve learned about juggling a lot of different demands is this: We have to ease our way in to more.

Here’s what I mean:

1. Start at the beginning.

I didn’t start with five kids all at once. I began with one. Over the first couple of years, I became comfortable learning how to be a mom to one child. When I became confident and efficient with him, only then did I think about adding another. I’d learned the ropes and was ready for more responsibility.

And I didn’t start with a big house full of possessions. When I was first married, we lived in an tiny apartment with mismatched used furniture. Eventually we accumulated more stuff and moved to a very small starter home. Only when we were more established did we think about buying a larger home that could accommodate our growing family.

My point is that in whatever we’re doing, we need to start at the beginning. It’s easy to look at those who have more, do more, or are further along than we are, and to think we need to be like them. In those situations, we need to remember that once upon a time, they too had to start at the beginning.

2. Move forward in small increments.

The first year I was married, I could hardly boil water without burning it. And yet, for my first Thanksgiving I attempted a huge dinner for my brother and a friend. Guess how it turned out?

You’re right. It was a disaster! I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. In the end, I had to saw half-frozen meat off the carcass and cook the slabs in the microwave. We ended up having a few scarce pieces of rubbery turkey with our lukewarm and gravy-less mashed potatoes.

Now after twenty years of marriage, thankfully, I can whip a large Thanksgiving meal together with no problem. But it’s taken years and years of growing in cooking skills to get to the point of being able to do that.

We can’t skip over all of the valuable steps that come in the learning process. We have to take each baby step in progression. And we shouldn’t expect to handle the work of a seasoned veteran if we’re not one.

3. Let the new responsibilities challenge us to grow.

Over the years, I’ve had to adjust with each new responsibility. I’ve had to make sacrifices, stop certain hobbies, or let go of activities to make room in my life for the additions.

There are times when we add more responsibility to our lives that we’ll have to let go of something else. We can’t keep adding and adding without taking other things away—or else we’ll get to the point where we’ve crammed too much in and are ready to break.

However, if we gradually add more, we can stretch ourselves a little bit with each new responsibility. Our hearts, minds, and bodies will slowly grow stronger and better able to cope with the weight and pressures of what we’re adding.

Summary: There you have it! Ease your way into more—one of my secrets for how I manage multiple responsibilities. Of course, there are many other “tricks” I’ve learned over the years. But I’ll save those for another day!

How about you? Have you ever thought of the concept of easing your way in to more? Or have you tried to tackle too much too soon?

And the winner of Trivia Question #1 is Lynn L. Hall!  She wins a signed copy of The Doctor's Lady! Congratulations! And thank you to everyone who entered the drawing! Come back next week for another chance to win!

Running Our Races & Becoming Winners

As a woman and a mother I struggle with the nagging voice that asks, “Should you really be devoting so much time to writing?” As I shared in a recent blog post, the demands of published author life have escalated over the past months so that my writing career has now turned into a very full time job.

And of course, with the new demands, not only have I had to adjust, but my family has had to as well. Thankfully, my husband is incredibly supportive of my writing endeavors. And for the most part, my children are accepting of this new aspect of my life too.

But every once in a while, one of them asks, “So when you finish the third book of your contract, does that mean you’re done?”

Then that nagging voice slithers back and whispers in my ear, “Are you really doing the right thing? Should you spend so much effort on a writing career when you could use that energy on being a better mom?”

I watched the movie Secretariat last week which is based on the true story of a race horse and the woman who believed enough in her horse to help him become a Triple Crown winner.

The heroine, Mrs. Tweedy, was an ordinary housewife. Her inner struggle, struck a chord within me. At the beginning of the movie, she centers all of her time and energy on her family and had pushed aside her love of horses. When a death in the family forces her to return to her childhood home—a horse-breeding farm—she is put in a situation where she has to deal with horses once again.

Mrs. Tweedy’s passion for horses and her gift in relating with them is re-ignited. She begins to devote more time to the horse farm. In order to do that, she has to spend time away from her family. She’s forced to make hard choices and sacrifices in order to pursue her renewed passion. But she also realizes and says, “This was the work I was meant to do.”

It’s not always easy for her family. They question her decisions and sometimes even resent what she’s doing. But in the end, when they see her running hard after her dreams, persevering in the face of hardships, and fighting for what she loves, they learn to be proud of her.

Even though Secretariat was set in the 1960’s and 70’s, when expectations and roles of women were different, women today still face that “nagging voice.” If we pursue something we love, if we embrace our gifting, and if we devote time and energy to our passion, we often feel guilty.

Somehow we have the idea that a “good” mom, wife, or woman must deny her own gifts, talents, and passions for the greater benefit of her family. We fall into the trap of thinking that if we don’t devote one hundred percent to them, they’ll suffer, that if we’re not there for every activity, moment, or need, we’re depriving them.

And while I’m sure there are plenty of situations where parents are absent either physically or emotionally from families, most of us truly strive to do what’s best for our loved ones. It’s because we care so much about them, that we struggle with the tug and pull of pursuing our talents and abilities with the desire to fulfill our roles as mothers, wives, and women.

I’m not sure that the tug and pull will ever go away. But that doesn’t mean I have to give up being a good mom anymore than it means I have to give up being a good writer. The passions aren’t mutually exclusive.

Yes, pursuing both will require dedication, sacrifice, and hard choices, the same that it did for Mrs. Tweedy. But when we “run our races,” when we pursue our passions, we give our families the opportunity to become more independent, to handle more responsibility, and to have strength in the face of stresses and challenges.

Most importantly, through our example, we pass on the vision that they can run their own races. We give them the courage to use their unique gifts and abilities. And we model for them the hard work, dedication, perseverance, and passion required for the race.

Winning isn't so much about publication and best seller lists as it is about how we run our races. When we run (or write or whatever it is) to the best of our abilities and teach our loved-ones to do the same, then no matter the outcome, we can stand with confidence and declare ourselves “winners” just like Mrs. Tweedy did.

“This is about life being ahead of you, and you run at it.” (Mrs. Tweedy from Secretariat)

What about you? Have you ever wondered if you should devote so much time to your writing? Have you ever heard the nagging voice of guilt telling you that you shouldn’t be running your race? How do you combat the guilt?

The Importance of Being Intentional

Intentional. It’s a word we don’t hear very often. It means that we choose to act deliberately, purposefully, and consciously.

Of course, like most serious writers, I’m deliberate and purposeful with my writing. I give myself goals whether I’m researching, writing, editing. I make deadlines for myself ahead of the ones my publisher gives me. I consciously challenge myself to read new writing craft books, to keep learning, to improve my writing skill.

As a mama-writer with five children, I’ve had to learn to be intentional in my parenting too. When people ask me, “How do you manage 5 children AND find time to write,” I can point out that developing creativity in my children has helped (See post: Fostering Creativity in Kids). But I must also add, that being intentional with my children is a big component of my parenting as well.

What exactly does it mean to parent with intentionality? How can intentional parenting help us manage better?

What exactly does it mean to parent with intentionality?

Simply this: We chose to be purposeful with our children instead of leaving things up to chance.

While my husband and I are far from perfect, there are several main areas where we've worked to be intentional:

*Developing character. We’ve done character studies together as a family where we focus on learning about different traits—truthfulness, diligence, patience, punctuality, self-control, etc. When we see a particular characteristic one of our children needs to grow in, we give them plenty of practice in developing it. Sometimes we provide incentives for working on specific traits. And we try to praise them when we see them growing in that character.

*Teaching our children to work. We view childhood as the training ground for adulthood. And since we want our children to grow up to be successful in whatever jobs or calling they pursue, we want to equip them with helpful work habits. Besides, we also have the motto, “Whoever lives in the house has to help with the housework.” So, we expect and teach our children to take responsibilities around the house. (See post How to Get Children to Do Chores for more ideas.)

*Setting aside family time. We know that in the rush of daily activities, family time can get relegated to the back burner. We do several things to protect time together. We guard family meal time and we all eat together around the kitchen table. We set aside one evening a week for “family night.” And then on Sunday afternoons, I do an activity with my daughters and my husband does likewise with our sons.

How can intentional parenting help us manage better?

Simply this: When our children are growing in character, when they’re pitching in around the house, and when they know they’re important to us, then our children THRIVE. And when our children thrive, we as parents can too. We’ll have more confidence, time, and energy.

Yes, being purposeful with our children requires an upfront investment. It takes effort to train our children to clean their rooms or unload the dishwasher. It’s not always convenient to help our children practice sharing or show kindness. In fact, it's less work for us to let little misbehaviors slide than to stop and address the issues of the heart that are driving them. And it's not easy to give up a Sunday afternoon nap to have tea parties with our daughters.

However, when we invest in our children, eventually they begin to mature and require less supervision. This summer we gave our 13 year old son the responsibility of mowing our big back yard. We told him we didn’t want to nag him with, “The grass is getting long. Don’t you think it’s time to mow?” We wanted him to see that it needed to be done, plan ahead around his activities, and just do it.

And you know what? That’s what he’s done. But it’s taken years of intentional parenting to get him to that point. The process required an investment of time and energy on our part, but it’s paid off—he’s developing into a mature young man who will hopefully be ready for adulthood.

~Summary: Intentional parenting equips our children with the skills they’ll need to succeed in life. And it also benefits us as parents—at least it does me. When my children are growing in character, it makes my job as a parent easier. When my children share the household work, it frees my time for other things. And when I know that I’ll have specific family time, it allows me to work hard during other parts of the week.

How intentional are you with your writing? And how important do you think it is to be intentional with children? Do you agree that in the long run, intentional parenting pays off?

5 Ways Mama-Writers Can Foster Creativity in Kids

Every time I take all 5 of my kids out shopping, I invariably get a store clerk who says something like this, “Wow, are all these kids yours?” To which I always sweetly reply, “No, three of them are, but I kidnapped the other two while I was shopping.” Okay, not really. That’s only what I wish I could say! Usually I try to reply, “Yes they’re all mine and I’m totally blessed.”

I guess most people aren’t used to seeing a mom with 5 kids. They can’t believe someone would actually choose to have so many children. They raise their eyebrows and get that look in their eyes—the one that says, “You’re nuts.”

Then when people find out I have 5 kids AND I write books, they think I’m totally insane. Either that, or they think I’m superwoman with the ability to operate without any sleep.

One of the most common questions I get is, “How do you do it? How do you manage your large family and write books?”

I don’t claim to have all the answers. In fact, some days I don’t feel like I’m “managing” very well at all. And there are times when I grow weary of trying to juggle everything. It’s not easy. I really am NOT superwoman. But . . .

One of the things I think I’ve done right is this: I’ve fostered creativity in my kids. And when we have creative kids, they’re able to play and entertain themselves, without needing constant parental involvement. When kids can occupy themselves in healthy, creative ways, that gives us more time for mom-duties and writing-work.

Don’t get me wrong. My kids aren’t perfect. They aren’t out in the backyard building a space-shuttle out of shoe boxes. But here are a few of the things I’ve done to help them move toward creativity:

1. Emphasize that creativity is important.

We’ve always told our kids how much we value creativity in our family. When we see them being creative we make a point of telling them how much we like it. When kids live in an environment that encourages and recognizes creative efforts, then they’re likely to strive after it more.

2. Limit screen time.

My kids like movies and video games as much as the rest of the population. They also like cookies and candy. But that doesn’t mean I give them an unlimited supply. I want them to develop healthy eating habits—getting large doses of what’s best for their bodies and much smaller amounts of the junk-food. Same with their minds. I want to make sure they're getting enough healthy brain-food and not gorging themselves on fluffy mind-desserts.

3. Allow them plenty of down time.

Often we’re so busy running all over town taking our kids to great activities that they lose out on the opportunity to have endless hours spread out before them with nothing to do BUT be creative. Sometimes we have to let our kids get “bored” before they have the chance to find their creative bent. But they won't get bored (and subsequently creative) if we're too busy.

4. Give them the space and supplies to be creative.

I’ve filled a closet with baskets of all kinds of supplies—paints, beads, fabric scraps, stamps, stickers, etc. Yes, my kids often make a mess (and I’m challenged to help them learn how to clean up after themselves!), but they have the freedom to create in any way they desire. From books to toys, from bedrooms to basement, we’ve worked to surround our kids with an environment that beckons them to live creatively.

5. Challenge them to use their imaginations.

Even with all the right supplies and the most creative toys, our children have to take that next step to use their imagination, to engage in the act of visualizing, participating, and pretending. Sometimes we can prompt them with “what if” scenarios that help spark their own ideas. Sometimes they can draw inspiration from movies or books. Recently my daughters watched Hotel For Dogs. Then afterward, they created a “hotel” for their stuffed animals with all their own inventions and services for their “pets.”

All of us want creative kids, who grow up with the capability to pursue their dreams. By nurturing creativity within them, we not only help them achieve more, but in the process, as they’re occupied with their interests and pursuits, then we’re able to achieve more too!

What other ways can parents foster creativity in their children? Do you find that when your children are creatively occupied that frees you up for more work time?