A Pep Talk For Writers Struggling to Find Writing Time

By Jody Hedlund, @JodyHedlund

If you've been reading my blog long enough, you'll know that I'm a homeschooling mom of five children (although my oldest just graduated and is now in college). Like most teachers, I LOVE my summers off, especially because it allows me to spend extra time on my writing that I don't have during the school year.

My school years are filled with instructing my children as well as teaching a Grammar and Composition class for high school students. Both require a lot of time and effort (picture me most evenings grading essays that my students write!). In addition to my teaching job, I also have all of the other mom-duties that come with having large family–cooking big meals, trying not to drown in laundry, running kids to all of their many activities, etc.

As a teacher and mom, my schedule is already jam-packed. But add on to that a very full time writing job. This year I'm attempting to keep up with publishing three books with three different publishers. It's been a blast! But in addition to writing the books, it's also meant more editing, more marketing, and more administrative work.

Just recently at the start of a new school year, I sat down with my calendar and scratched my head, wondering how in the world I would be able to fit in time to write. Between school, piano lessons, art class, ballet, cross country, choir, youth group and host of other activities that are starting, I had a moment of panic.

But then, I took a deep breath and gave myself my annual pep talk, which goes something like this:

1. If you want this badly enough, you can do it. You love writing. It brings you great joy and fulfillment to weave stories. In the craziness of life, your story-world is a peaceful place to escape. So don't give up. You'd miss it too much.

2. You can find writing time each day if you look closely enough for it. You can find a hour or two. Yes, you might have to sacrifice something else to find that hour or two (like sleep or TV or baking homemade cookies). But you can find the time somewhere if you look closely enough.

3. Block out that writing time and don't waver from it. Once you find a window of opportunity to write (even if it's different every day), block it out on the calendar. Literally.

4. Be consistent even when you're tired, sick, and don't feel like writing. Of course you can't prevent emergencies. But barring a tornado or plane crashing into your home, sit your butt in the chair and write.

5. Look for ways to get extended writing time. You need those longer chunks of time too. Work with your significant other, parents, grandparents, or friend to take the kids or watch the dogs so that you can have a writing day or writing weekend (even if it's just once a month).

6. Demote social media and other non-essential to the leftover time. Yes, social media is fun. Yes, it's a great way to mingle with other writers. But it's a non-essential to a successful writing career. Keep it in its proper place and perspective.

7. Yes, it will be hard. But you've written under crazy circumstances in the past and you can do it again.

For all those writers who have day jobs or who are balancing busy children or who are struggling to stay consistent, my pep talk is for you too. There are seasons in our lives when finding writing time can be a huge challenge. You don't have to give up. If I can make it work, so can you!

How about YOU? Do you ever struggle to find writing time? What do you tell yourself to keep going?

10 Ways Writer-Moms Can Gain More Writing Time

By Jody Hedlund, @JodyHedlund

As a homeschooling mom of five children, the most common question I'm asked is: How do you do it all? How do you manage your large family and have the time to write?

No I'm not super woman (although there are times when my kids expect me to be!). Yes, I do get plenty of sleep (most nights!). And no, I haven't hired the TV to babysit my kids (at least not often!).

Over the years, I tried many different tricks and techniques in order to gain (or maintain) writing time in my schedule. Here are 10:

1. Take advantage of kids' downtime. When my younger children were taking naps, I used every minute they were asleep for writing. As tempting as it was to clean, pickup, or even take a nap myself, I knew I had to make the most of that quiet hour to write uninterrupted. When my kids got a little older and didn't need naps, I still required afternoon rest/reading time for an hour. It helped give them a needed break, but also gave me a block of uninterrupted writing time.

2. Pay older kids to "babysit" younger children. As my writing career began to swing into full gear and I needed more writing time, I discovered that I could pay my older children (who were in elementary school) to "babysit" my little ones. I would assign them each a child to play with, give them a time limit (like an hour), and then pay them a couple of dollars when they were done. It not only gave me more writing time, but it helped teach my older children the value of working hard to earn money.

3. Involve the whole family in household chores. As Moms we often think the entirety of the housework falls on our shoulders. But I'm of the belief that whoever lives in a house needs to help in the upkeep of that house. Therefore, over the years I've gotten my kids involved in doing laundry, cooking meals, handling yard work, etc. When everyone pitches in, we all have more free time for the things we love (including writing).

4. Bring the laptop along to activities and write while waiting in the van. Since my kids have so many activities that I drive them to, I often sit in the van and write while I wait for them. Without the distraction of the internet, the van is actually a great place to get concentrated writing done.

5. Schedule larger blocks of writing time when husband is home. This has probably been one of the biggest ways I've been able to add more writing time into my schedule. Even in the days before publication, my husband realized the benefit of supporting my mental health by giving me extended time away from the kids which I used for writing. Those larger blocks are sacred writing time. No browsing blogs or Facebook. Writing only!

6. Hire a college-age student to take the kids out a couple of times a week. I did this one summer when my kids were younger. I paid an hourly wage to an older girl who could drive and had a car for the purpose of getting my kids out of the house. She took them to parks, the pool, the library, to get ice cream, and basically anywhere to allow them to do things while I worked.

7. Rise and shine before the rest of the family. (Or be the night owl.) When I'm particularly crunched on time during the day, I schedule writing time in the wee hours of the morning before the household awakes. Again, that writing time is sacred. I don't dilly-dally responding to emails or anything else. During the uninterrupted time I simply write.

8. Set work hours and teach children to respect that time (works more for older children). As my children have grown older and can occupy themselves without constant supervision, I've had to teach them to respect my work boundaries. I usually explain my "writing hours" and expect them to respect that time. For example, I won't drive them to a friend's house or take them to the store until I'm done with my work time.

9. Involve grandparents (or other relatives) when possible. I'm blessed to have my mom live in town nearby. She often offers to assist when she knows of specific needs. But I've also had to learn to ask for help, and that's not something that comes easily to me. Over the past couple of years, we've worked out a system where she comes to my house once a week (and helps homsechool) which frees me to write.

10. Outsource work that can be done by others. I had a hard time letting go of work I thought I should be doing. But in the end, I've found that it's more profitable for me to pay someone else to do their "specialty" so that I can focus on mine–my writing. Obviously, I didn't come to this point in my career until I had a steady income. But moving in this direction has helped free up even more of my time.

What other advice do YOU have for finding more writing time?

What to Do When Our Families Don't Support Our Writing

By Jody Hedlund, @JodyHedlund

One of the hardest things for aspiring writers is getting our family's support for our writing, especially before we're published. At least that was one of my struggles.

I remember saying to my husband on many occasions, "No, I'm not making any money on my writing. But yes, I still need time to write." Amidst the busyness of life, with five children, homeschooling, and trying to manage a home, writing was (and still is) very important to my sanity.

For a long time it was a battle to help my family understand that my writing was more than a hobby, that it was something I needed to spend concentrated time doing—especially if I hoped to get published some day.

Over time, I had many conversations—particularly with my husband. Here are just a few of the arguments I used over the years to gradually win his support:

1. We all need time for things we love.

My husband LOVES football. He takes time every week to watch games, check stats, read commentaries, etc. It's important to him. He enjoys the break it gives him from the busy chaos of life.

The fact is, we need things in our lives that rejuvenate us. Football does that for my husband. My writing does that for me. If we're engaging in a mutually respectful relationship, then he should be willing to let me take time for what I love, just as I am for him.

I'm in no way relegating writing to the same level as watching football, because writing is much more than a hobby for most aspiring writers. But the point is, if our family balks at our writing time, we can encourage them that we ALL need time for the things we love.

2. The early years of unpaid writing are simply part of the education process.

If I told my husband I wanted to go to school to become a brain surgeon, he certainly wouldn't begrudge me the years of education and training that are required (even if I could only attend school part time due to other responsibilities).

He'd wait patiently because he'd realize that one day I'll finally reach the point when I'm finally ready for my first brain surgery. But he'd also understand that I can't get to that point without putting in many, many long hours of unpaid study and practice. In fact, he'd even understand if I had to put out the money for school, workshops, conferences, books, etc.

And the same is true of writing. We can't get to a professional point in our career unless we put in the time day after day, year after year. And we may even need to put out a little money for editing, buying writing craft books, or going to conferences.

3. Once we're agented or published, it still takes time to build our small business.

If I opened a cupcake shop, my family wouldn't expect me to be raking in a huge profit the first few years. They'd realize it takes time to get the word out about my cupcake business and to build a loyal base of customers who love me and are willing to rave about my cupcakes to their friends. It may even take some extra marketing dollars to get the word out.

And writers start out much the same, whether we go the traditional route or self-publish. We have to invest capitol (time, energy, and books) into our writing business, often for years before we begin to see a profit or make a living from it. There are no guarantees for small businesses. Perhaps we'll never make anything. Which brings me to the last point . . .

4. We have to support and believe in each other's dreams, even when no one else does.

The bottom line for my husband and I over the years is that we want to support each other's dreams. Whether those dreams ever become a reality or not, we hope to be each other's biggest cheerleaders.

If my husband wanted to pursue something new (i.e. a different career), and if it was really important to him, then whether I understand it or not, I would encourage his efforts. Sure, we would have to dialogue through the difficulties and look for ways to make it workable in our current situation. But I wouldn't want to squash his dreams or desires simply because they're not mine.

And the same is true of my writing. Long before I was published, my husband eventually came to a point of understanding how important my writing was to me. And he wanted to support me and my dreams whether I ever got published or not.

My summary: Although our writing aspirations may not be easy for our families and loved ones to understand, I've learned that it is possible to gently win them over. Don't give up hope!

What about you? Have you experienced a family member or loved one misunderstanding your writing? What are some ways you've worked at gaining their support?

Why We Might Need to Go on a Diet

Most of the people reading this blog are probably among the population of the world that has WAY more than we need. In fact, if you’re like me, you have SO much stuff that you have a hard time coming up with a Christmas wish list.

Every year, I struggle to write a list and usually it ends up looking something like this: chocolate, coffee, slippers, fuzzy socks, pj’s, clothes, and pretty kitchen oven mitts.

There’s absolutely nothing on my list I NEED.

Quite frankly, my kids don't need anything on their wish lists either. My eight-year-old son certainly does not need a General Grievous Transformer since he already has plenty of Star Wars action figures. And my youngest daughter doesn’t need the pink Webkinz Pompom Kitty since the end of her bed is already piled high with stuffed animals.

Of course, my children have had their wish lists put together since last Christmas. Well, maybe not quite. But they always have ideas of what they’d like. Thus, I’m continually reminding them that while it's exciting to get gifts, the newness never lasts. Our things quickly lose their shine and importance. Pretty soon they end up in the corner taking up space. And we’re on to wanting the next new thing.

Yet, even armed with knowledge that THINGS ultimately don’t fulfill us, I find my kids (and myself!) still craving more. The pulse of the modern culture beats through us, pounding with the steady insatiable rhythm of gimme, gimme, gimme.

I can’t help but stop on this U.S. holiday of Thanksgiving and ask myself, what are we teaching ourselves and our children by constantly feeding our appetite for things?

We’ve become overweight with our possessions. And as you know, obesity is often the cause of other problems. What are the long-term effects of our over-indulging going to be, especially upon the next generation?

Is it time to put ourselves on a diet?

Perhaps.

I think at the very least we can start cultivating an attitude of restraint within ourselves. Teach ourselves to say “no” to getting everything we think we need. Give ourselves permission not to have to keep up with our neighbors. Stop believing that having more is going to make us happy. Tell ourselves it’s okay to live simply and not to have the latest and greatest items that come out.

Then I think we can begin to retrain ourselves with a healthier lifestyle, primarily in taking large doses of gratefulness on a daily basis. Slow down, find contentment in the possessions we already have. Notice the things we take for granted and let gratitude whisper through our hearts for them. Remember what really matters in life—the intangibles like laughter, and hugs, and deep conversations. Relationships. Family. People. Love.

Thankfulness may not be the complete antidote to our over-indulgent lifestyles. But it’s a start.

So what about you? What are you most thankful for? And how are you cultivating a healthy lifestyle of gratefulness?

4 Ways to Get Your Family to Support Your Writing Career

“Are you writing again?” or “Why do you have to spend so much time writing?”

Have you ever heard questions like that from your family or loved ones?

I have.

They’re the kind of questions that make you duck your head in guilt. The kind of questions that cause you to wonder if you’re really doing the right thing in pursuing a writing career.

After all, my family comes first. My relationships are more important than success. I want to cherish the time I have with my children. My oldest starts high school in the fall, and I’m realizing the time passes in seconds from when we bring them home from the hospital to when they pull out of the driveway to start lives of their own.

Even so, my writing is an important part of my life too.

So the question becomes, how do we juggle our families and our writing? How do we make sure we don’t neglect one for the other?

Over time, I’ve realized that one of the most helpful aspects to successfully juggling family and writing is to enlist my family’s support. When they get behind me and realize the importance of what I’m doing, I’ve found that the quantity and quality of my writing time has improved. It isn’t perfect! In fact, it’s far from it!

But . . . family support can go a long way in helping us juggle our writing and everything else.

Here are 4 things I’ve learned about gaining our families’ support for our writing:

1. Help family understand the importance of our writing early in our careers.

Prepublication writing often brings the most guilt. We usually tell ourselves something like this, “How can I justify taking time away from my family for my writing when I’m not making any money yet?” or “I’ll get more serious when I get an agent or a book contract.” And sure, there’s something about making money or landing an agent/book deal that validates the hours we spend on our books. But is that really what should legitimize our writing?

If something is important to us and brings us happiness, shouldn’t that be enough of a reason for our families to respect what we do? After all, we respect the things they’re passionate about. We give them the freedom to pursue their dreams.

Why should we expect any less for ourselves and our writing—no matter where we’re at in our journeys—published or not?

If we start early in our careers helping our families understand how important writing is to us—the fulfillment and joy it brings—then writing becomes more than just getting a paycheck or book contract. Our families can learn support us no matter the outcome.

2. Teach family to respect our work time.

If we want our family to respect our time, first we have to set the example. We need to schedule in writing time, then stick to it and work diligently. When we show them we take our writing time seriously, then they’ll begin to model us.

We can’t let other activities crowd out scheduled work time or get to it only if nothing else is on the calendar. If we treat it like a hobby and drop it for our other interests, then our families will expect us to drop our writing for their activities. But if we stick to our writing time religiously, they’ll begin to see it as a natural part our lives.

3. Plan family time too.

If we make a priority to schedule writing time, then why not schedule family time too? If we know that we’re going to have specific time to focus on our children or spouses at some point in the day, then we can approach our writing time without guilt.

Our families will have an easier time letting us work because they’ll be able to anticipate spending time with us. They’ll know they’re still important and that we don’t work “all” the time.

4. Make writing accomplishments a family affair.

I make a point of keeping my family informed of my writing plans. When I’m in first draft mode, they know I’m working on a daily word count goal. Frequently someone will ask, “Did you make your word count today, Mom?”

When I’m in editing mode, they’ll ask, “Did you get your two chapters done yet?” Whenever I complete a book or rewrites or something (big or small!), I try to make it a celebration that involves my family.

The more informed and involved my family is in my writing career the more they can understand and appreciate what I’m doing.

My Summary: With time and effort I’ve seen my family gradually come to accept and support my writing. In fact, our families can become our biggest cheerleaders on this road to publication and beyond.

How about you? How supportive is your family of your writing? What are things you’ve done to gain more of their support?

The Super-Mom Syndrome

Ever find yourself saying something to your kids like, “I may look like super-mom, but I’m not.”

I’m guilty, especially during those moments when one child asks me for a snack, at the very time I’m cleaning up the spilled milk of another, while one daughter is telling me about her day, and another child is calling me from upstairs.

I stop, and yes, somewhat sarcastically remark, “Hey guys, slow down. You might think I have ten arms and ten legs, but I don’t.”

Lately, I’ve noticed some of my friends putting me in the category of super-mom too. A couple months ago, my daughters were invited to a St. Patrick’s Day cookie-making party at a friend’s house. The mom, a sweet friend of mine, had decorated with streamers, a green table cloth, and cute stickers. She had homemade dough, cookie cutters, frosting, and fancy decorations of every variety. It was little girl heaven.

When I arrived at pick-up time, my friend introduced me to another mom. “And this is Jody. She has five kids, homeschools, and she writes books. I don’t know how she manages to do it all. She’s super-mom.”

Of course I mumbled something like, “Oh, thanks. But I’m not really super-mom. Not in the least.”

But as I walked out the door and thanked her, I said, “You’re amazing. I couldn’t possibly have done all that you did today—with the cookies and decorations and big mess all over the kitchen.” In my mind, at that moment, she was the epitome of super-mom. She’d accomplished something effortlessly that I would’ve had a very hard time doing.

The incident made me think of other friends and their maternal super powers. One friend can organize care packages for shut-ins and oversea soldiers like she was born doing it. Another can grow a garden and preserve her produce better than the early pioneers. And still another involves herself in her children’s theater productions and enjoys all the hours and hours of practice.

When I really stop to think about all my friends, I realize each of them is a super-mom in their own unique way. We all have unique gifts and abilities. Each of us puts forth incredible amounts of effort and dedication to our talents.

As a writing mother, I’m simply using my talent and passion for my writing in a similar way other moms put their hearts into their activities and ministries. What makes us all super, is that we’re striving to use our gifts the best we possibly can.

Yes, there are challenges unique to the writing life. For most of us, writing is an unpaid or underpaid part time job that we try to squeeze around everything else. We have high hopes for publication and our writing is certainly much more than a mere hobby.

But am I super-mom because I’m pursuing my particular passion while I’m juggling all my other roles? I don’t think so. Not more than any other parent who’s chasing after his or her dreams.

So, next time one of my friends calls me super-mom, I’ll make sure to remind them that they are too. And next time my kids decide they ALL need me at exactly the same moment, I’ll remind them that I AM indeed super-mom, but that they can have super powers too!

Happy Mother’s Day to all you Super-Moms.

Has anyone ever called you Super-Mom? Who are some of the Super-Moms in your life? Please share! I love when we can find quiet confidence in our own talents while rejoicing in the strengths of others.

Ways the Writing Life Can Enrich Our Families

Sometimes it’s easy to get our focus stuck on the hardships of the writing life, the heart-wrenching rejections, the countless sacrifices, the hours and hours we expend for so little external reward.

The writing life is hard—not only on us, but also on those who are closest to us. If you’re like me, at times you may question whether the writing life is truly worth the pressure it exerts upon our families and loved ones.

Lately I’ve realized that even though misunderstandings and discouragement are part of the writing journey, there are aspects about it that can be a blessing to those around us—especially as we try to juggle parenting and writing.

*When we pursue our passions, we’re able to bring fresh energy to our parenting.

I spend the majority of my time with my children, overseeing their education and activities, training them, and loving them. When I write, I get a break from the routine of mothering. I have a chance to do something else that takes my attention off my children—even if only for a short time.

Writing rejuvenates me. Yes, it’s hard work and draining at times. But when I nurture my creativity, I refill a place inside me. Then as I return to mothering duties, I’m able to do so with a revitalized perspective that hopefully spills over into the lives of my children.

*When we approach our work time with diligence, we model what we expect from our children.

When my children complain about doing their work, I tell them, “I never expect more of you than I expect from myself.” In other words, I set the tone. When I use my time wisely, stay focused, and work diligently, then I can require the same of them in their work.

I remind my children that they are in training for adulthood. The habits, the learning, the character building—it’s all preparation for the rest of their lives. One of the ways I can prepare them is by my example. When I write even when I’m tired or distracted, I teach them to work when they don’t feel like it. When I finish a novel or two, I teach them the importance of seeing their work to completion.

*When we use our God-given talents with purpose, we teach our children to pursue their gifts too.

I love talking to my children about how each of us is different, how we’re made with special talents and abilities which I call “gifts.” They’ll say, “Mom, you’re gifted in writing. But what’s my gift?” I explain to them that they can usually find their gift by assessing what they’re naturally inclined to, good at, and love doing.

Of course my children are still exploring and discovering those talents. But when they see me using my writing, it challenges them to chase after their gifts and use them to the best of their ability. I make a concerted effort to point out the gifts of other moms and dads so that my children can see the variety of ways they can live purposefully.

*When we show determination in the face of odds, we give our children courage to do the same.

When we had the baby squirrels last week, I watched my one of my daughters do everything in her power to protect and save the babies. After it started to sprinkle, she held an umbrella over the first baby that had fallen from the tree. She sat for hours guarding it from a distance, chasing away blue jays, and waiting for the Mama to reappear.

She sacrificed hours of her time, lost sleep, and put every ounce of her love and energy into caring for them—even though we didn’t know if the babies would survive. I observed her with growing admiration, amazed at her determination and passion. And then it struck me—she’s following my lead. She’s witnessed me pushing forward in the face of rejection and hardship, determined to keep on writing even when it seemed hopeless. Now she's doing the same.

I’m far from the perfect mother. I continually struggle to balance mothering and writing, and sometimes I fail to keep the scale level. But I’m hopeful that as I use my gifts, and you use yours, whatever they may be, that through them we can enrich our families.

What are some ways you’ve seen your writing (or other passions) benefit your family? How does writing make you a better person?

When Life Hits Us and Forces Our Fingers Off the Keyboard

If we’re serious about publication, then we have to be equally serious about our writing time. We need to schedule it in and prioritize it. We shouldn’t approach it with the attitude—“If I find time, I’ll write, and if I don’t, I won’t.” No one will make it far with a haphazard writing schedule.

Most of us know what we need to do, but struggle with the reality of finding a writing routine that works for us. We find ourselves waking up in the dark hours of the morning, staying up too late, and sacrificing sleep. We end up saying no to friends and fun activities in our continuous battle to squeeze in time for our writing.

We try so hard to stay self-disciplined and stick to our hodge-podge routine. But suddenly, BAM—life hits us and forces our fingers off the keyboard. The unexpected, the call of real life shouts at us and demands all of our attention and energy.

What should we do then?

Real life hit me last week in a couple of different ways. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you may have heard about our adventure with baby squirrels. One afternoon last week, my two youngest discovered a tiny creature attempting to crawl around on the ground underneath a scraggly elm tree in our back yard. Upon closer examination we realized it was a baby red squirrel. It barely had its eyes open and could hardly hold up its head.

I quickly cautioned the children against touching it, knowing in some cases parents will reject a baby that has human scent. While they hovered around it, I rushed inside and sent out a cry for help on Facebook and Twitter.

Within minutes, people responded with all kinds of ideas. One local friend sent me the phone number of rescue specialist, and I immediately contacted her. The specialist directed us to leave the baby alone for a while to allow the mama squirrel the opportunity to get it and return it to the nest high in the tree. If the mama didn’t retrieve it by nightfall, we needed to bring it in, feed it water, and keep it warm.

Of course, the mama didn’t show up and so we had a house guest for the night. The next morning we tried again to lure the mama to her baby. But we didn’t see or hear her. By that time, we started syringe feeding Squeakers. As we worked to save his precious little life, we noticed three more baby squirrels clinging to the bark high near the nest.

The short of the long story is that eventually the other three either fell off or crawled low enough for us to reach them. We spent hours syringe feeding all FOUR of them kitten formula diluted with warm water. Over the phone, the specialist walked us step-by-step through what to do and believed something must have happened to the mother. Without their mother to nurse, hunger had driven the babies from their safe nest.

During the busy hours trying to save the lives of the tiny squirrels, I reluctantly gave up hope of meeting my daily writing goals. I knew I could try really hard to squeeze it in and get frustrated with every interruption, or I could just lower my expectations and embrace the chaos of the moment.

Amidst all of the squirrel feedings, the phone rang. It was my husband calling to let me know he’d just received news that his dad was dying and had less than a month to live.

With tears in my eyes, I gazed at the baby squirrel cupped in my palm with its paper thin claws, shivering body, and the formula dribbling down its chin. And I realized at that moment just how fragile life can be.

Yes, we need to have commitment to our writing. We have to set writing goals, push ourselves to stick to them, and viciously guard our writing time from outside distractions. But when real life drops into our hands (sometimes literally) and forces our fingers from the keyboard, we need to remind ourselves that life is short and delicate.

Life is like a hungry baby squirrel clinging precariously to a tree, or a 65 year old man hanging on to each breath until he can say good-bye to his sons. We never know when we’ll lose our own delicate grasp on life.

My encouragement to all of us (myself included) is to use our writing gifts with all of the passion and purpose inside us. But there are times when we need to lower our expectations, give ourselves a break, and embrace the interruptions life hands us.

Sometimes life is too short. We should live each moment to the fullest before it’s our turn to let go.

What interruptions has life handed you? How do you know when to push through the distractions and keep on writing? And how do you decide when to embrace the chaos and give yourself a break?

P.S. A local rescuer expert now has the squirrels in her care. Even though we miss the babies, we know she'll be able to take care of them properly and eventually release them back into the wild (maybe even into our back yard!). And my husband flew half-way across the country and is saying good-bye to his dad.

5 Ways To Convince Your Kids To Do Their Chores

"Time to clean your room!” How many hundreds of times have you said that to your children?

And how many thousands of times have they responded with, “But why, Mom?”

We often fumble for the right words to try to convince our children of the importance of doing their chores and say something like, “Because I told you so. That’s why. Now go do it.”

Unfortunately, after arguing with them, we often end up saying, “Oh forget it. It’s just easier to do it myself.” The reality is that we have to expend a lot of energy to corral our kids, show them how to do the task, and keep them on track until they finally complete the job.

It’s often less stressful, quicker, and takes less nagging for us to just do the job ourselves. Whether picking up toys, making a bed, or putting away laundry, involving the kids seems like more work than it’s worth.

It might seem like more work than it’s worth, but over the years I’ve learned that while it definitely IS work to train our children to do chores, it’s more than worth the effort. As the saying goes, “Anything worth having takes hard work.” And the same is true with training our children. The training will cost us in time and effort, but the results are priceless.

Once we make up our minds as parents to put forth the effort, how can we possibly convince our children of the value of doing their chores? What else can we say besides, “Because I told you so”?

Here are five things I’ve told my children in order to instill in them the value of participating in household work.

1. “Everyone who lives in this house must contribute to the upkeep of the house.” In our house, we make chores a family affair. On Saturday morning, we all—Mom AND Dad included—head off to our assigned chores before we play. After family dinner, we ALL work together to clean up the meal.

2. “If everyone works together, then we’ll finish the work faster and have more time together for fun activities.” If Mom ends up doing all of the work, then she won’t have as much time to play games and enjoy activities with everyone.

3. “Chores help prepare you for adulthood and I want you to be a successful adult.” We talk about the skills necessary to succeed in life and explain to our kids that childhood is their opportunity to practice those skills, and perhaps do even better at them than Mom & Dad.

4. “Learning responsibility means gaining privileges.” When our children demonstrate they are diligent with a new chore on a consistent basis, we give them a new privilege. In other words, if they show adult-like responsibility, then they prove themselves ready for adult-like privileges, like later bed time.

5. “Serve one another over self. S.O.S.” In a “me-first” culture, we must struggle to teach our children the value of self-sacrifice and how to look out for the needs of others. Chores are a way to help our children serve. Even when they didn’t make the mess, we can teach them to S.O.S. as a way to help ease the load of others.

Question For You: What do YOU say or do to convince your children of the importance of work?

©Jody Hedlund, 2010

What Are You Giving?

"Please, Mommy. One more story." Bright brown eyes pleaded with me as my six year old pushed another Christmas book into my hand.

I bit back the automatic "no" that begged for release. After a typical day of teaching, mothering, and managing the activities of a noisy, busy household, I wanted to curl up on the couch with my newest biography. I hungered for silence and stillness--food for my creative mind.

"Just one more." My four year old added her big blue eyes to the drama.

My mind shouted that I'd given all day. I'd already sacrificed enough. From the piles of laundry I'd folded to the never-ending task of breaking up squabbles and training my children's character. I had even planned a treasure hunt for our special Advent activity and cooked red and green food for every meal--including green scrambled eggs.

My body ached and my eyes smarted from exhaustion. It would be so easy to say no, to tuck my littlest ones into their beds and have an hour of quietness before the older kids arrived home from art class and basketball practice.

I longed to glance away, to ignore the upturned faces waiting for my decision. But my heart compelled me to look at each of them, into their eyes and to see the desire glowing there--the desire to spend just a few more precious minutes with their busy mom.

I took a deep breath and settled myself back against the bed. They smiled and snuggled against me.

"Would you sing it, Mommy?" my six year old asked.

Only then did I realize which book he'd slipped into my hands. I stifled another weary sigh. "Isn't there another book we could read?"

"No. I like this one."

I stared at it for a moment, then opened it. "Okay, sweetie." I whispered a prayer and began singing. "On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . ."

By the last page, with the twelve drummers drumming and eleven pipers piping, we were laughing at our bumbling efforts. And when I gazed at the delight upon their faces, I knew I'd given my true loves a gift that night. . .

The gift of me and my time.

Amidst the craziness of writing and every day life, especially during the Christmas season, it's easy to forget to give the gifts that really matter the most.

What are you giving the true loves of your life?