Is All the Hard Work Ever Going to Pay Off?

How can we achieve success?

As writers, most of us are struggling with that question. Day in and day out we sit in front of our laptops, write book after book, spend time building our brands, and hope that someday we’ll have something to show for all our hard work.

Most of us have to squeeze our writing and marketing around our day jobs and other responsibilities. And when we find the time to write and market, we’re often tired, stressed, and thinking about all the other things we should be doing instead.

At some point we say something like: “I don’t want to go to all this hard work for nothing.”

Truthfully, if we didn’t want to get an agent or book deal, if we didn’t want to see our sales rocket, if we didn’t have dreams about doing well enough to quit our day jobs, then we probably wouldn’t exert ourselves to the degree we do.

Sure, we’d likely keep on writing even without success, because we love telling stories. It’s in our blood and we’d do it even if no one else ever read our work.

But . . . most of us have big dreams. We aspire to have a readership beyond just our faithful dog.

We go the extra mile, get up at 5:00am, skip our lunch breaks, give up our free time, sacrifice our favorite TV shows, let the laundry pile up, and feed our families frozen pizza, so we can chase after our dreams of successful publication.

But will all the work really pay off? Can we really achieve success?

Recently I got an email from a blog reader with some great questions: “Is it worth it? All the time, writer's conferences, writing, and editing, book tours, and blogging . . . Is it worth all the time writing consumes to finally see your novel in print and on a bookshelf? Is pursuing the dream worth the end result?”

Here are several of my thoughts about achieving success in the writing industry:

1. If we want to climb the ladder of success, we have to start at the bottom and work our way up one rung at a time. Most of us can’t skip steps and make the leap to the top in one bound. Instead we have to take small, slow, steady steps upward.

The big names on the bestseller lists didn't get there after just one book. They worked hard year after year to earn their spots on the list. And if we want to end up there someday, then we'll have to do the same thing.

I love this quote: “Don’t expect overnight miracles. But have faith. If you persevere, the chances are very good that you will achieve some success.” ~Bickman

2. Success is illusive. Once we reach the top of the ladder of success we’re climbing, we see another higher point we want to reach—and we’ll think, “Now THAT is really success.” (A better book deal, bigger publisher, two books on the shelf instead of one). So we start climbing another ladder. When we reach the top of that one, we’ll redefine success again (more recognition, bigger royalties, bestseller list). And so on.

The truth is success can’t really make us happy. Oh, maybe for a few days or weeks. But then we’ll see something else we want and discontentment will settle in once again.

Yes, keep climbing, but we need to learn to enjoy each step as it comes, celebrate the small accomplishments, and find joy in the process of creating.

3. Ultimately, the writing journey will be as successful and worthwhile as we make it. Each one of us has to determine how much time and energy we can or want to devote to it.

I’ve reached a stage in my life where I’m able to handle the pressures and responsibilities of being an author. I’m not sure that I would have been ready sooner. But now, amidst my busy mothering phase of life, writing gives me a creative outlet, a quiet retreat, a break from the intensity of real life.

So yes, writing is worthwhile to me personally, no matter the level of success, no matter if I have one book on the shelf or ten, no matter if I make hundreds of dollars or thousands.

Of course, I’m going to keep on stepping up the ladder of success one rung at a time. But ultimately, I’m not in this journey for success. I’m in it because I love writing.

What about you? Have you ever asked yourself if all the hard work will someday pay off? Is all the time you put into your writing worth it to you?

Ten Traits of Successful Writers

What’s it really like to have a book published? In the days before my book’s release I always wondered what life was like for published authors. What kinds of things did they have to do on a daily basis? What other responsibilities did they have besides the actual writing?

Now that I’m four months on the other side of publication (The Preacher’s Bride released in October of 2010), I can share an inside glimpse at what life has been like for me lately.

Over the past three weeks in January, here’s a list of some of the things I’ve worked on:

• I entered The Preacher’s Bride into several national contests.
• I wrote a four-paged single-spaced synopsis for my third book.
• I dialoged with my editor about the synopsis and plans for Book 3.
• I wrote at least five interviews/guest posts (not including my own blog posts).
• I read a book for a debut author for endorsement purposes.
• I had to write up and turn in marketing ideas for The Doctor’s Lady.

AND . . . most importantly, at the beginning of January, I started the first draft of my third contracted book. I work on it every day (except Sunday), and have given myself a daily word count goal of 1000 words/day. I recently passed 20K. However, I will have to cut back substantially on my daily word count over the next few weeks as I dive into another round of edits on The Doctor's Lady. In other words, I'll be juggling writing one book while editing another.

In addition to the writing responsibilities listed above, I also have numerous online responsibilities. I shared some of my social media statistics last week in this post: When Social Media Becomes a Time-Suck. And if you read that post, you’ll recall that emails, blogging, and other social media keep me very busy too.

The responsibilities of my writing career have gradually increased into a full time job. And since I’m also a full time teacher and mom, I now feel like I have two very full time jobs. (As a side note, you may find it interesting to know that I’ve yet to receive my first royalty check. My publisher sends out royalty checks twice a year, and since I was still earning back my advance in the fall, I’ve yet to receive a “real” paycheck.)

Of course my experience is uniquely mine, and the responsibilities of my writing career will differ from other published authors in many ways. But there are some common elements that all writers, published or not have to face. Most of us have multiple tasks to juggle. We struggle to find quality writing time. And we’re often harried, striving to do more in less time.

In today’s publishing industry, choosing a professional writing career is not for the faint of heart, the weak of will, or the timid in spirit. What kinds of writers will make it to publication, and then once there, stick it out long enough to become successful?

1. Writers who use their time wisely.

2. Writers who zealously plunge into hard work.

3. Writers who are willing to put forth a lot of effort with little compensation.

4. Writers who are willing to persevere through difficult days, weeks, months.

5. Writers who can pull themselves back up and keep going after disappointment.

6. Writers who dream big and make tangible goals for reaching those dreams.

7. Writers who are humble enough to know they can improve.

8. Writers who continue to cultivate their passion and love of writing

9. Writers who have a vision beyond themselves and their success.

10. Writers who reject quick gratification and opt to wait patiently for long term success.

We would all be wise to remember that in our early years we’re establishing a strong foundation for later. All the waiting, juggling, and struggling of pre-pubbed days help prepare writers for the increased work after publication. And all the hard work during the early years of published author life are setting the stage for greater success later.

In other words, we don’t have to waste a single effort or moment. We can make them all count in this incredible journey we’re on.

So do you have what it takes? Are you developing the traits that will help you stick it out for the long haul? Of the traits I've listed, what do you need to work on the most?

Should Writers Complain Publicly About Hardships?

Have you ever felt like giving up on publication because it’s just too hard? I have.

Yes, it’s hard before publication. And everyone accepts the grumbling about how difficult it is to write a query or synopsis. Everyone joins in moaning about the hardships of getting an agent (including me, see this post: Is the Query System Dying?). And we commiserate over a hundred and one other problems in our writing journeys.

Pre-publication complaints are common and widely accepted. That’s one of the blessings of being part of a writing community—we’re there to share each other’s burdens.

But . . . what about after publication? There are still hardships. Sometimes really tough ones. And yet I’ve found that it’s much more difficult to complain—at least publicly.

While I try to stay fairly positive on social networking sites and keep my negative comments to a minimum, there have been times when I’ve commented about something stressful or difficult. Of course most people are outwardly supportive. But I’ve also gotten responses that could be summed up like this: I’d love to be where you’re at, problems and all. So count yourself lucky and stop complaining.

I can’t help thinking if a few people hear my grumbling and feel that way, then perhaps many others do too. Maybe you’ve felt that way. Maybe you’ve wished you could say, “Come on lady, stop the griping and just be happy you’re published.”

In some ways, I liken the situation to a childless woman who longs for a baby. She’s had a difficult time conceiving, perhaps much more than she anticipated. When she’s with her friends who have babies, she hears them complain about how their newborns keep them up at night, how tired they are, and how they can’t lose their weight. Privately she wishes she could tell them to shut-up because she’d do anything to have their problems.

But the fact is, those moms with their babies are having a hard time too. Their problems are just as legitimate. Don’t they deserve the chance to vent once in a while?

So what’s a published author to do? Should they talk publicly about their problems? Or should they keep their frustrations to themselves? Do we have a double standard when we allow—even normalize—the pre-publication complaints but then disapprove of it post-publication?

Should everyone just stop complaining at the risk of offending someone else? Or are there positive ways that we can handle sharing our hardships? Here are just a few of my ideas:

1. Share our difficulties but look for ways to encourage others through our experiences. One of the things people tell me they like about my blog is that I’ve been transparent about the publication process. I’ve tried to share both the good and the bad so that writers everywhere can have a realistic picture of the journey and hopefully find encouragement and insights for themselves. In other words, we can use what we’re learning from our hardships to help others.

2. Make sure we’re positive and willing to empathize with others as much (or more) than we complain about our own circumstances. Every once in a while we need to stop and evaluate how we’re coming across. If our tweets and posts are mostly negative, then perhaps we need to look at ways we can change the tone.

3. Feel the freedom to speak up and be honest about our problems, but also know when to be silent. Social media allows us to put up facades, type smiley faces and use exclamation points, even on those horrible days when we’re wearing a permanent frown. I’m not advocating lying about our bad days and always having a Pollyanna attitude. But sometimes it’s okay to be professionally silent.

4. Share a little with many; share a lot with a few. In other words we should be wise in what we choose to share on our blogs and with the public. I share openly and honestly on my blog, but I don’t divulge everything. I only dump it all on a few closest friends.

Be honest, have you ever heard a published author complain and wished they’d stop? Do you think all writers, no matter where they’re at in their journeys, should be allowed to share openly? Or do you think there’s too much complaining in general?

The Difficulty of Debuting

The official countdown has begun! My debut book releases in exactly one month! To celebrate this dream come true, each Monday morning in September I’ll post a trivia question about The Preacher’s Bride in the sidebar. And then on Friday mornings, I’ll announce the weekly winner. So come back Monday to play for prizes!

Also, I’ll be posting “first sighting” pictures into a slide show in my sidebar. Throughout the month, as the book begins to show up in various places, I'd love to hear where you first see it. So send me a picture of you with your first sight of my book (whether it arrives in the mail at home or you see it on the shelf at the store!). I’ve posted my first sight! Last week my editor sent me a book HOT off the press, and I couldn’t resist giving it a big kiss!

For the past couple of months I’ve already started making efforts to market my book. I’ve been contacting bookstore owners and managers, librarians, local press, churches, etc. In the process, I’ve been learning just how difficult debuting is. Yes, it’s an exciting time, but it’s also a humbling process. Here are just a few of the lessons I’m learning:

Most non-writers don’t care who your publisher is.

Even though I have the privilege of being published with a large, traditional publishing house—Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing—I’m finding that the average non-writer doesn’t really care or know that much about publishing houses.

In other words, most people lump me together with all the other authors they know, including those who’ve self-published. They don’t realize the difference nor do they care by which method my book came into print. A book is a book. Especially when we’re new and unknown.

Most average non-writers don’t know author names.

The average non-writer doesn’t pay a whole lot of attention to author names, unless we’re a household name like Rowling. For example, I received a really sweet personal email from a best-selling Amish fiction writer, Beverly Lewis (she also writes for Bethany House). I was super excited to get the email from her—she told me she’d seen the cover of my book and thought it was stunning. When I mentioned the email to my family, two of my daughters’ friends were visiting, and they didn’t know who Beverly Lewis was.

Of course, I was shocked. I thought everyone knew Beverly Lewis. But I have to remember that I eat, sleep, and breathe the world of fiction. The average person doesn’t pay attention to author names.

The nameless factor can be a benefit to a debut author because that means people will pick up our book regardless of not knowing us. But it’s also humbling to realize that if popular authors have to struggle with anonymity, it’s even harder for new authors trying to break in.

Not everyone is enthusiastic about helping a debut author.

Let’s face it, the average person doesn't pay much attention to publishers and author names. But even those who do pay attention aren’t always enthusiastic either—especially about debut authors.

With the growth of self-publishing and subsidy press, I'm learning that bookstore owners, librarians, and the media are often bombarded with requests for help in promotion. When I first approached my local library to introduce myself, they were nice, but they didn’t make any promises about getting my book in their system. They told me that they get a lot of requests from self-published authors to carry their books and that it takes time, effort, and money to add books.

Same is true of the bookstores I visited. They get requests for book-signings mostly from local self-published authors, so they tend to have a cautious approach. Because I’m a debut author, I probably won’t draw an enormous crowd to their store and so there’s really not a huge benefit to them in hosting me. A signing could end up being more of an inconvenience to them than a help.

~Summary: Because literally anyone can type up words and get them published, the market is oversatured, especially with debut authors (including self-published) all needing to promote their books. With so many authors vying for the public eye, the uniqueness that once accompanied the title and role of being a published author is fading.

I believe it's more important than ever before for writers to belong to a community who can truly understand how difficult the journey is and subsequently how monumental publication is. The rest of the world may not "get it," but all of us who've written a book know how much sweat and blood go into each page, the sacrifices we make, and the hours and hours of laboring to reach the end.

Publication might become commonplace, but the act of writing a book will always be special.

So, what do you think? Have you come across non-writers who don't know or care much about publisher or author names? With the rise of self-publishing, is the specialness of publication fading for everyone, including traditionally published?

What to Do When Overwhelmed with Writing & Blogging

One of the most common feelings writers experience is that of being overwhelmed, especially in relation to blogging. We like the connections we make, the encouragement we find, and the many things we learn.

But we may eventually find ourselves overwhelmed by the number of blogs we follow. We find ourselves in a hectic race to simply keep up with repaying visits to those who kindly leave comments on our blog.

On top of that, we struggle to make our writing a priority amidst the demands of all our other life responsibilities. We juggle family, jobs, and outside activities—all the while wishing we could have more uninterrupted writing time.

Soon we find ourselves slipping further down the slide of despair, growing frustrated and unhappy. We throw up our hands and yell, “How can I handle all of this?”

As a mother of five children, one of the most common questions people ask me is, “How do you handle so many children?” Sometimes a parent may even say something like, “I only have two children and it’s hard enough, how can you possibly manage five?”

At first the question threw me off. I’d shrug and reply, “I dunno. It’s not easy, but somehow we manage.” But after years of getting the same question, I think I’ve finally realized one of my “secrets” to survival.

With the exception of my twins, I added one child at a time. In other words, my foray into motherhood came in gradual stages. I had one baby and got all of the first-time mommy-jitters out of my system. Then I had my twin daughters and got even more practice at motherhood.

When my fourth son was born, I’d already built strong mommy-muscles of patience, tolerance, love, and knowledge. I’d grown by leaps and bounds in experience, wisdom, and character. By the time I had my fifth sweet daughter, I’d developed into a much stronger mother than I’d been when I’d had my first.

What’s the point? Several, actually.

1. Take things one step at a time. We can’t look at those ahead of us and think we need to be like them. A writing career, like parenthood, comes in stages. If we jump in and try to handle too much all at once, then we’ll lose out on the process of slowly building the writing muscles that gradually prepare us for what’s to come.

2. Let the hardships push us to become stronger. It’s all too easy to let the difficulties of parenting discourage us and zap the joy from being with our children. And we need to guard against the danger of letting our writing hardships discourage us so much that we lose out on the joy of the creative process as well as the potential for growth.

3. Adjust our expectations. With each child God's given me, I’ve had to adjust my expectations of the cleanness of my house, my free time, or even how much I make for meals. The closer we move toward publication, the more we need to adjust our schedules and priorities so that we have room in our lives for the new responsibilities. Sometimes that means saying no to really good activities, setting boundaries, or sacrificing hobbies and friendships.

What about you? Have you ever been overwhelmed by blogging and writing, finding yourself sliding down into despair? What are ways you keep yourself from hitting the ground hard?

*Part 3 in the series Writer Emotions: Overwhelmed

How Should Writers Handle Praise & Criticism?

As writers we’re on a continual seesaw of ups and downs with the praise and criticism we receive. On the one side we long for affirmation in our writing, but on the other end we want constructive criticism. How can we find a balance with these two conflicting emotions?

The Praise:

We all need validation in our writing. At least I’m constantly craving it. But since writing is very subjective, we often have a difficult time sorting through feedback. I see two traps we can fall into with how we view positive remarks.

1. Cling to the praise too tightly. When we get feedback we usually evaluate the negative comments before we decide what we should change. When one person tells us our opening is flat, we may not rush to change it, especially if they’re a non-writer. But if a number of qualified people tell us the same thing, we give their feedback more weight.

If we give careful consideration to negative comments, shouldn’t we weigh the positives too? Aren’t they equally subjective? Perhaps we’ve received praise for a book idea, writing style, or the first chapter of our manuscript. But have numerous people given us the same kind of praise? And were those people knowledgeable of industry standards?

2. Toss aside the praise too easily. This happens to be my problem. When someone compliments me, I think, “They’re just being nice” or “Sure, but what do they really think?” or “I bet they say that to everyone.”

In some ways, this is a defense mechanism, a way of protecting ourselves from being hurt. We long for the affirmation and deep inside need it, but if we keep the praise at arm’s length, then when we get a negative comment, we think we won’t be so devastated. We tell ourselves, “See, I wasn’t really that good after all.”

The Criticism:

Although we crave validation in our writing, we need the constructive criticism just as much, if not more. But again, I see two traps we can fall into with the negative feedback.

1. Allow the criticism to pull us down too far. I’ve seen plenty of writers get a rejection or two from agents or editors and then stop querying. One agent who rejected The Preacher’s Bride (releasing in the fall) took the time to write me a personal note about what he didn’t like. While I gave his ideas some thought, I didn’t let it stop me.

The same thing happens when we get feedback from a critique group or editor. It’s easy to fall into the “I’m a terrible writer and when will I ever be able to write anything besides crap” trap. Partly, we need to develop thicker skins and partly we need to let the feedback light a fire inside us—the determination to learn more about the craft and the drive to keep writing and improving.

2. Brush aside the criticism too quickly. The danger some of us face is thinking we can write whatever we want, however we want. After all, we’re artists, and we can’t possibly control the muse without compromising creativity, right?

Wrong. If the muse is seeking publication, then it has to bend the knee to the reader. We can blame the publishing houses for being too picky, but ultimately they’re bound by the same master—the reader. Ultimately, if we’re serious about traditional publication, then we have to be open to change, especially changes that will appeal to our readers.

Summary: I've come to realize that when I have an overload of either praise or criticism, I grow too self-absorbed and my writing suffers. I swing either too high or too low. The trick is learning to accept both, absorb what I can, then shrug it off and get back to my writing.

In other words, while we look to others for feedback, we should never let their comments define who we are. We are writers. And we should continue to write with confidence and joy the stories that are in our hearts and souls.

Where are you on the seesaw of praise and criticism? Do you cling to praise or toss it aside? And how do you handle criticism—do you brush it off or let it weigh you down?

*Part 2 in the series Writer Emotions: Praise & Criticism

How Personal & Vulnerable are You in Your Writing?

Are writers exposing too much personal information on blogs, twitter, and facebook? In this cyber information age, where are the personal boundaries and how much is too much?

Last week, literary agent Nathan Bransford had a post that addressed this issue. How much does the modern author have to share on the Internet to gain an audience? Is there a way to balance Internet presence with privacy?

I thought it was an interesting but ironic question. On the one hand, I do agree that many of us are sharing much more personal information than was ever possible in the past. On twitter I can see that my favorite author ate ten hot dogs for dinner then later went out and walked Pooky the poodle in the pouring rain.

Many authors are using social-networking to promote themselves and their books. And of course such networking easily lends itself to quick bursts of information about what we’re doing, eating, or thinking that often go beyond the bounds of our writing.

But writers aren’t the only ones divulging personal information. Everyone is. The deluge is a product of the new era of cyber communication. So, perhaps the question shouldn’t be are writers exposing too much, but is the population in general crossing too many personal boundaries?

What I find ironic about the privacy question, however, is that regardless of how much of ourselves we expose in cyberland, by nature as writers we’re already pouring out our deepest, most intimate thoughts into our writing. In other words, our books disclose much more about us than we share in short bursts on Twitter and Facebook, or even on our blogs.

When we write, whether fiction or non, we open ourselves up and spill out our most intimate thoughts on paper. The creation of our stories, the essence of our characters, the heart and soul of our words—we bare it all. We expose ourselves to the world.

Writing IS personal. Even if we try to hold back the true details of our real lives, our books usually reveal a great deal about us, particularly our passion. I would go so far as to say, writers who don’t infuse the very depths of who they are into their writing often produce flat, lifeless stories.

And because writing is personal, writers have to be vulnerable. When I visited my publishing house a couple of weeks ago, a number of staff told me they’d read my book. I had a weird feeling, like they’d gotten a glimpse into the inner workings of who I really was. What did they think? Did they like what they saw?

I experienced a new kind of vulnerability because I’d exposed myself through my writing to my publishing house. And in a few months when my book is out, I’ll really be going public. For better or worse, the whole world gets to take a peek into my inner world. If that’s not personal, I don’t know what is.

Yes, it’s a scary feeling. Anytime we’re vulnerable we risk hurt, rejection, and misunderstanding. But think of what we sacrifice if we’re not vulnerable: the true joy that comes from getting beyond the surface and relating on a real and deep level.

What do you think? Do you set personal boundaries for what you share on the internet? And do you think a writer can ever truly remain private?

*Part 1 in the series Writer Emotions: Vulnerability

Writer Moms

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts this week about friendship. From Facebook to family, we writers need a circle of support. It's hard to go the long haul alone. Without encouragement, we'd be tempted to give up too easily.

Since Mother's Day is on Sunday, I couldn't help thinking about being a Writer Mom. Ideally I would like to say my mothering duties take precedence over my writing.

Far too often, I find myself falling short of my ideal. Light bulbs don't get changed (thank goodness for long spring evenings!), soap dispensers sit empty, dog slobber decorates windows, outgrown clothes hang in closets. The perfect meals, the perfect home, the perfect wardrobes. . .I've learned to let these things slide.

And yet I find myself letting other things slide too, the more important things like: stopping my writing to play a game of scrabble with my son or taking a break to push my daughter on the swing. I've caught myself only half-listening to something one of them is telling me, or even ignoring a discipline issue because I'm too busy to stop and deal with it.

Guilt seeps in. I remind myself my children will grow up fast and that I shouldn't let a single precious moment pass by. I truly want to train them diligently, listen to them whole-heartedly, and delight in the time we have together. I fail so often but pray for the wisdom to juggle my mothering and writing better.

In spite of all my short-comings as a Writer Mom, God gives my children the grace to endure. In fact, I think they even still love me! One of my daughters recently adorned me with a medal. Do you know what it said: Best Mom. (That's it above, staples and all!)

So, Writer Moms (and Dads!) in what ways do you struggle to balance writing and parenting? Do you ever neglect household duties to write? How does writing affect your relationships with your children? Please tell me I'm not alone in this struggle!

And for all you hard-working Writer Moms: Happy Mother's Day!

P.S. Sorry for the lapse in accountability! We'll get back to it next week!

Family Support

This week we've chatted about cyber friends and real live friends. Today, let's take a step even closer to home. In fact, let's open the door and step inside!

Does your family support your writing? Some of you touched on this yesterday, but let's explore it further.

How supportive is your extended family, the ones who don't live with you? My mom is one of my best encouragers. She is the first person I call with any writing news. When I got my first notice in the mail that one of my short fiction pieces was going to be published, within minutes I was doing a jig on the phone with her.

What about intermediate family, the ones who have to live with a writing-crazed fanatic? How supportive are they of your writing? When my twins play Barbies, their dolls are writers who are always busy on their lap tops. My three year old pretends the calculator is her lap top and she sits at the table next to me and does her "writing."

In all seriousness, we long for support from our families. We want them to be our loudest, most excited cheerleaders. But in reality, they often get the brunt of the writing burden. They get less of our time, energy, and attention. Even when we're not writing, our minds are filled with our stories instead of them.

If we want our extended and intermediate family to support our writing, I think it's important to involve them in the journey. I'm still learning how to balance writing and family time. But here are a few ways I involve my family in the excitement:

• Share daily goals: My kids regularly ask me, "Mom, did you meet your word count goals for the day?" Even my three year old will ask me, as if she has any clue what word count is!

• Plan a family celebration for writing milestones: After I finished writing my last book, we went out to dinner to celebrate the accomplishment as a family. When I finish my current WIP, I want to have a party!

• Thank them their understanding: I'm planning to take my family on a special vacation once I finally publish a book. I've told them that will be my thank you to them for helping me accomplish my dream.

Back to my original questions: How supportive is your extended family? How about your intermediate family? And what are ways you've learned to involve them on your writing journey? I would love more ideas!

Real Life Friends

This week we're talking about friendships. Yesterday we had some great discussion on cyber friends. In summary, I think we can all agree that it's possible to have genuine frienships through cyber space.

However, we risk the danger of hiding behind our computers and sharing selectively, perhaps only telling what makes us look best in the eyes of our cyber friends. It takes courage to be real, even in cyberspace.

Today I'd like to bring the discussion a little closer to home. What about those flesh and blood friends? Does such a thing even exist anymore?!

Of course, I'm kidding! I'm sure we all have plenty of real life friends (as opposed to cyber friends). We can't hide as easily behind masks with real life friends; they can usually see us for who we really are. But what I want to know is: how well do those friends support your writing?

I'm blessed with a wonderful group of like-minded friends. We're all in approximately the same stage of parenting, we share our struggles and joys, and our children love playing together. They're the kind of friends who would take the shirt off their back for me if I needed it. I'm sure you have those kind of friends too.

However. . .many of these friends just don't "get" my writing. Here are a few of the kinds of responses I've received when I've shared writing news with various friends:

• "Writing a book? That's nice. . . Um, so how's the weather?"


• "That's great you're writing a book. I'm thinking of writing one too. I have this really neat idea."


• "How exciting! Is your book in the bookstore yet? I'll be the first to buy it!"

Maybe you've had similar responses that range from complete disinterest to total misunderstanding of how long the process takes, or that friend who talks about the best seller he is going to write.

The bottom line is that it takes a writer to understand one. No one but another writer understands just how hard this writing journey is, how many hours we labor, how many craft books we've studied, how many edits we've made, how many years we've plodded forward without any accolades.

What kinds of responses have you gotten from your real-life, non-writing friends? What response is hardest for you to take? Disinterest? Misunderstanding? Ignorance?

Let's commiserate together! Share what bothers you most because we will understand!

Enjoy Being Three

This week we have talked about all of the waiting we do as writers. If we could come up with a collective total of all of our waiting, I wonder how many thousands of years we would accumulate!

My youngest daughter, my bundle of joy, summed up the entire waiting process quite well.

Yesterday as she perched on the bench at our kitchen table, she proudly stretched out five fingers and announced, "I'm five."

Being the ever-teaching mommy that I am, I quickly held up three fingers and said, "No, sweetie, you're three. See, one, two, three."

She looked at my fingers then stuck out her bottom lip. "I don't want to be three anymore. I want to be five."

Her sweet little declaration echoed my inner struggle. I don't want to be a wannabe writer any more. I want to be published. I'm "three" in writing years, but I'd rather be "five."

The reality is that I can't skip ahead in my writing career any more than my daughter can skip ahead in her age. So. . .what do we do with all that impatience that keeps building and building until we feel like we'll go crazy with the pressure of waiting?

I loved your comments this week and I thought I'd share just a few of the many that encouraged me:

Katie: We could look at this [waiting] as an utter waste of time. Or we could ask ourselves what we did while waiting in line. Did we pray, bond with friends/family, reach out to a stranger, enjoy the time?

Cindy: Continue working on something. If you've finished one manuscript and polished it, and sent out queries, don't just sit and wait for something to happen. Start a new project. Work toward the future of your writing.

Melissa: It was a lesson in patience. He [God] showed me that it was the process that is most important - the actual writing, not the publishing.

Wendy: I think God is trying to do some of the essential work while we wait. We can resist or we can take notice to what He's doing during the wait.

Robin: My husband used to say I'll be happy when I have this or this. I always told him, if you aren't happy with what you have now, what makes you think you'll be happy when you get it (whatever it is. ) Be happy with now and enjoy the journey or else you'll miss some amazing experiences.

Lady Glamis: I like to have the vision that the path is the worthwhile part, and that publishing really is a goal that might best be reached after we have grown and suffered for it. . . In the meantime, write away! And enjoy it!

My summary: Enjoy being three; you'll be five soon enough!

Do you have any other encouraging words about waiting? I have just loved hearing your thoughts this week. It's given me fresh perspective. Thank you!

The Long Haul

Yesterday we discussed the difficulty of waiting. We writers seem to spend an abnormal amount of time waiting for all kind of things from contest results to returned emails.

Lady Glamis did a follow up post to mine yesterday with some beautiful thoughts about the writing journey and the waiting process. Her perspective is very refreshing. I'd encourage you to read it if you haven't already.

Ultimately we're all waiting for the same thing: publication. And even after publication, from what I've heard, we'll still have a lot of waiting, just a different kind!

I'm always fascinated to hear stories about the length some writers have to wait from when they seriously start writing until they finally get published. Here are a few examples of Christian authors taken from the book Behind the Stories by Diane Eble.

• Jan Karon of At Home in Mitford series: She quit her day job, bought a cabin in the mountains and began to write. She sacrificed much to follow her dream and even lived without a car for an entire year. She says it was a time of testing, molding, shaping, and suffering. After finally getting an agent to look at the first book of the Mitford series, the agent sat on it for a year and a half. It was rejected again and again. But she continued to believe there was as at least a small audience for the book. "The road to publication and fame was uphill all the way."

• Gilbert Morris author of more than 165 historical novels: His first novel was rejected twenty-six times. He says that prayer is the key in knowing if all the rejections are God's red light or if they are the normal obstacles anyone faces when trying something new. He said he didn't sense God telling him to stop, so he persevered.

• Robin Jones Gunn of the YA Christy Miller and Siera Jensen series: The teenage girls of her youth group encouraged her to write Christian novels for them. She labored for two years over her first book, reading chapters to the youth group girls and getting their feedback. When she finished, she tried to sell it, but ten publishers turned it down. She was almost ready to give up but then realized it was a calling; God wanted her to write to be a missionary to teenagers. So she kept persevering and eventually Focus on the Family published her series.

Do these kinds of stories make the waiting easier and encourage you to keep writing? Or do they discourage you and act as another reminder that the wait could be longer than you'd initially thought?

I feel a bit of both. I don't like to think that it could take years and 25 plus rejections before I get published. But I'm also encouraged to hear that all the waiting could one day pay off.

"We can do anything we want as long as we stick to it long enough." Helen Keller

What Are You Waiting For?

Recently I read a couple of other blog posts about waiting. It struck me that most of us on this writing journey are WAITING for one thing or another. We're moving along the path to publication waiting for the next bend, always alert for what's ahead.

I'm like the child who perpetually asks "Are we almost there?" I plod along wishing I was "there." I worry and obsess about what's coming. Sometimes I even miss out on things going on around me because I'm distracted. Impatience easily settles in (like we talked about yesterday!).

We writers all wait for the same big thing: publication. But what are the smaller things we wait for along the way to publication?

• Finishing a manuscript


• Contest results


• Returned emails or phone calls


• Notification on those "smaller" writing projects


• Responses to queries


• Agent decisions about partials or fulls


• Feedback from critique partners or editors

In our instant-oriented culture, we expect our needs to be met our-way, right-away; if they're not, we grow frustrated. We're inculturated to believe if we have to wait for anything, then something must be wrong.

I'll be the first to admit I like microwaves, fast food (especially Panera), 10-minute Oil changes, quick-drying nail polish, and high speed internet. If I have to wait more than a few seconds for a page to appear on my screen, I get irritated!

Let's face it. We modern Americans hate to wait.

This mindset carries over into our writing as well. I wish I could eliminate all of the waiting that happens on the writing journey. But perhaps the difficulty of waiting is another part of God's plan for strengthening our character. He allows this hardship to challenge us to stretch our muscles and grow.

What are you waiting for? And how has the difficulty of waiting helped you to grow?

Releasing Guilt (Part 3)

Has your burden fallen to the foot of the Cross yet? Not only did Christian's fall off, it rolled down the hill and disappeared.

As aspiring writers I doubt our guilt will totally disappear. Maybe someday when we've made it to the Celestial City of Publication and we're multi-published, we'll finally feel less guilty about devoting so much of our waking time to writing or thinking about it.

In the meantime, what can we do to find more writing time without feeling guilt?

Here are my last few suggestions:

• Guard Writing Time: Set aside certain blocks of time and don't let anything interfere with that time. I faithfully set aside Saturday afternoons as extended, uninterrupted writing time. I've had to miss fun activities in order to keep my committment. My husband makes dinner on Saturday night so I don't have to stop for that. I lock the bedroom door (and put on headphones!) so that I'm completely alone. I'm amazed at how many words I can write during this extended time.

• Lower Expectations: Stop expecting so much from yourself and those around you. I've had to be satisfied with only cleaning half my house one week, and the other half the next. The house is never totally clean (and only my Grandma would care). I can't finish my scrapbook, or exercise the way I want to, or bake as much as I'd like. I've had to lower my expectations about what I can do at this point in my life.

• Keep God First: No matter what the time constraints, find time to spend with the Giver of all good gifts. My ways of meeting with God have changed over the years. What worked years ago, doesn't work now. Currently I have to satisfy myself with shorter online daily devotions and an extended time of prayer on the weekend. The important thing is to find the time and make it a priority.

I've come to the end of my list. I'll move on to something else tomorrow, I promise!

But for today, one last question: have you found ways to carve out more writing time or do you simply have to be productive with the time you have?

Releasing Guilt (Part 2)

As writers we're in a juggling act that often overwhelms us with feelings of guilt.

Here are a few more ways we can be diligent with our time and release our guilt at the Cross:

• Multi-task: Double up on activities. I blog-hop during TV or movie time. We listen to books on tape while we eat. I usually plan my next writing assignment or scene of my book while I'm fixing dinner, greasy notebook and pen always on the counter.

• Simplify: Find ways to reduce daily tasks or make them easier. I cook and freeze the ground beef and chopped chicken I need for the month all at one time which reduces meal prep time on a daily basis. Sometimes I double meals and freeze one for the next month. I've pared down the kids' clothes closets and toy bins which makes less to keep track of and put away.

• Delegate: Let others have the chance to learn new tasks or take on new responsibilities. My husband has turned into a grocery shopper extraordinaire. My nine year old is learning to cook and loves being in the kitchen. My son is fully responsible for all aspects of the care of our dog. When I hand the baton to them, they take it and run.

Slowly but surely I've been able to block out more writing time and not feel guilty about it. What are your tips? I'd love to hear.

Guilt-free, part-three tomorrow. . .

Releasing Guilt (Part 1)

Guilt is one of the biggest burdens aspiring writers carry on their backs.

Most pre-published writers can't quit their day jobs (whether at home or outside the home). Instead we have to squeeze our writing time into an already full schedule.

We have to make sacrifices in order to carve out more writing time. Hence, guilt.

In Pilgrim's Progress, Christian started his journey with a heavy burden on his back. For a long time he ran with the pack slowing him down. But then he came to a Cross, where the burden loosened from his shoulders and fell from his back.

As Pilgrims on the path to publication, we can also can stop at the foot of the Cross and let go of our burdens of guilt:

Here are a few ways I've cut loose the straps of guilt at the Cross:

• Plan Family Time: Schedule weekly time to do something together as a family and with individual family members. We have Family Night every Sunday evening which consists of a game or movie, and a Bible study together. I also have a weekly Tea Time with my daughters where we sit down together, talk about girl issues, read a discipling book, and then work on crafts. When we get busy, we know we have our special time to look forward to.
  

• Limit Outside Activities: Pick what's really important and don't add more no matter how tempting. We've had to learn how to set boundaries and say no to really good activities, even though they look fun (even church activities). We try to stick with extracurriculars that the majority can do together. Then we can maximize the time we're running out and leave more time to be at home.

• Share Responsibilities: Everyone who lives in a house should share in the household responsibilities. 2 Thes. has the principle that whoever doesn't work, doesn't eat. We try to make most household work a group effort, especially cleaning up meals and Saturday morning cleaning. The work goes much faster and then everyone has more free time.

Carving out writing time is incredibly difficult, but if we're diligent we can find more time without feeling guilty about it.

More guilt-freeing ideas tomorrow.

P.S. Make sure you stop by Rachelle Gardner's blog today http://cba-ramblings.blogspot.com/. She has an excellent post about the LONG journey to publication.

Burdens

When Christian started his journey to the Celestial City he carried an enormous burden on his back.

As Pilgrim writers we too carry burdens. One of the biggest is GUILT:

· Guilt for not spending time with family in order to have writing time. (Plotting my next chapter when my family is outside playing on a beautiful spring evening).

· Guilt for wanting to stay in the world of imagination instead of having to face reality. (Not wanting to wake up the kids for school because I’m in the middle of a scene that’s flowing).

· Guilt for rushing through other responsibilities or leaving them undone to squeeze in a little more writing. (Making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches again because I forgot to leave enough time to make something more interesting).

To avoid the guilt from all of the above, I’ve found myself staying up later or getting up earlier. But then I’m tired and grumpy with everyone the next day, which makes me feel guilty all over again!

What guilt burdens do you carry?

How do we cut the heavy weight of guilt off our backs? Can we find a way to travel the path without such burdens slowing us down?

Come back tomorrow to find out.