By Jody Hedlund, @JodyHedlund
Today on my blog I'm celebrating a very important anniversary with a FIVE BOOK giveaway!
Tomorrow is the wedding anniversary of John and Abigail Adams, the second president of the United States and his first lady! This famous couple was married on October 25, 1764.
As many of you know, my recent release, Rebellious Heart, is inspired by this couple's early courtship, including how they met, developed a friendship, and then overcame obstacles to finally fall in love.
In her last letter to John before their wedding, Abigail asked him to take all her belongings in a cart to her new home in Braintree: “And then Sir, if you please, you may take me.”
Isn't that sweet?
One thing I really love about their relationship is that it was based on a solid foundation of friendship. John and Abigail Adams are known for their friendship and the many letters they wrote to each over the years. In fact, at one point Abigail addresses John as "my dearest friend."
In appreciation of their friendship, she said this in one of her early letters to John: "A friend is worth all hazards we can run. Poor is the friendless master of a world; a world in purchase for a friend is gain. Who, that has once been favored with your friendship can be satisfied with the least diminution of it? Not those who value it according to its worth."
While romance is important in any relationship, I believe our culture puts an over-emphasis on the romantic feelings in a relationship to the detriment of forming a life-long friendship. Many young people "fall in love" but neglect to develop a solid friendship with their partner first.
The Adams story is a great example of how couples can make a point of being friends, finding areas in common, having the same interests, and enjoying spending time together as friends in addition to (or perhaps even before) the romance.
As my older children enter high school, they're garnering interest from the opposite sex. Recently one of my daughters had a young man ask her to "be his girlfriend." While she admired this boy, she wanted to develop their friendship first. She told me she thought she was too young to get into a dating relationship and wanted to focus on just being friends.
I was really glad she came to me and that we could talk about some ways she might share her feelings to the young man without hurting his pride. Even more than that, I was glad that she wanted to work on being FRIENDS first. She's establishing healthy boundaries that will carry over into the future.
All that to say, I think our modern culture has a LOT to learn from couples like John and Abigail Adams, from their courtship and marriage! Their relationship is one worth emulating AND celebrating.
So in celebration, I'm GIVING AWAY FIVE BOOKS!!! Four of the books are recent releases from fellow Bethany House authors, dear friends of mine that I've grown to appreciate and admire:
The Miner's Lady by Tracie Peterson,
Into the Whirlwind by Elizabeth Camden
A Home for My Heart by Anne Mateer
Stranded by Dani Pettry
The fifth book is ONE choice from my published books, including my new release based on John and Abigail Adams, Rebellious Heart.
Fill out the Rafflecopter form to be eligible for the giveaway and to earn extra entries! Giveaway ends October 31 at midnight (ET). Winner must email me back within 24 hours of notification.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
What do YOU think of modern dating compared to the courtship of old? What do you wish was different about dating practices today?
WINNER OF GIVEAWAY: Claudia Castenir!!
Posts
It's long before the John Adams time, but I studied Medieval History, which was a period when arranged marriage was normal, especially for the upper classes and nobility. I think there are some real misconceptions about arranged marriage, for instance some people tend to equate it with forced marriage, or think that such unions were invariably unhappy and devoid of love.
ReplyDeleteActually the church banned forced marriage in the late 1100s, and consent was held to be the basis for marriage. Often there was also some form of courtship, in which might bring their children together to meet and get acquainted, and even determine if they were interested in each other before an arrangement was made.
Even with royal arranged marriages there could be love. Edward I of England for instance deeply loved his wife Eleanor of Castile, and there is apparently evidence of their affection in his correspondence to her. His father King Henry III also loved and was deeply devoted to his mother another Eleanor.
Courtship tends to focus too much on "finding the one" and on marriage without considering the possibility that you may date/court more than one person before actually getting married. Dating generally focuses on having fun, living it up, and romance without thinking about the future or developing a strong foundation of friendship. While I don't care for the word, the new idea in some Christian circles of "dourting" is basically my idea of a happy balance. The families are involved in the process, and it's based on friendship first, but compatibility and attraction are also considered, and it's okay to break up with someone when you realize you aren't for each other.
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of "dourting," and I too hate the word, but the idea sounds just about right. Glad you shared it!
Delete*ahem* I have an announcement!
ReplyDeleteJody Hedlund is fantastic!
That is all.
More getting to know you time rather than rushing into being a couple.
ReplyDeleteI so agree that the friendship/relationship part needs to come first. In the getting to know you stage we learn to value, appreciate and respect the other person for who they really are not who they are trying to be to get our attention.
ReplyDeleteI so agree that the friendship/relationship part needs to come first. In the getting to know you stage we learn to value, appreciate and respect the other person for who they really are not who they are trying to be to get our attention.
ReplyDeleteThe marriage and friendship between the Adams is a rare glimpse into how important friendship is in a marriage. Thank you for your book that shares their love story.
ReplyDeleteCourtship gave the people involved the chance to spend time together while being accountable to society for their behavior. They were placed in different social settings and had the opportunity to observe and accept each other and let love develop between them . Respect for the other person was always expected to be shown.
Dating now is done by social media. The pace of life has taken away the chance to really know someone. We live in a throw away society and move from one relationship to the next. there is little accountability socially and respect does not even have the same influence it once did. I think people miss out on slowly loving someone and being their friend.
What I wish was different today is we would take the time to realize that to really know a person you have to spend time with them in person in all types of situations & you have to like them for who they are and that cant happen quickly. Dating should be fun but it should grow from friendship and respect for the other person, and more importantly respect for who you are.
YES! I've always believed that there's way too much emphasis on shallow romance but not on the depth of friendship, in today's culture. Prayer aside, I do believe friendship should be the foundation of any good relationship. Soo... the characters in your book are inspired by John and Abigail?? Heavens! That sounds delightfully romantic. Can't wait! Simply can't wait to read some more!
ReplyDeleteFriendship is so important in a marriage and getting to really know the person. Today too much emphasis is put on other things.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest son and I have had this conversation several times. In our circle, there are several families that practice courtship - the couple only sees each other in the company of family and the father is very involved. His response the first time we discussed it stuck with me, "I don't want to date her dad." His concerns - and I think they were valid - were that the girl would be so concerned about being the person her parents wanted her to be, that he wouldn't get a chance to know her authentically and that the kind of relationship that demanded that level of parental involvement in dating might make "leaving and cleaving" more of a challenge. That being said, modern dating doesn't really appeal to him either. The practice of being on your best behavior while you slowly try to figure out who that other person is - and whether you can trust them with who you are - is depressing. He's looking for a future wife and isn't interested in spending time "playing the field". My advice has been to be friends with the girls he thinks he might like before he ever asks them out, because I do think one of the most important aspects of a strong marriage is friendship.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I were friends - the best of friends - before we ever dated. We knew everything about each other and never had to pretend we were anything other than what we were. The romantic aspect of our relationship surprised us both - in the nicest way. We're approaching our 22nd anniversary and he's still my very best friend. I think - I hope - my kids see that and want the same thing.
In a culture that mistakes hormonal urges for love and eschews self-denial, even wading into the dating pool is perilous. I urge my kids - and all the unmarried people I know - to pray diligently for the Lord's direction and protection.
I think courting practices of old took things much slower so a couple got to know each other better before jumping into a sexual relationship. Many youth of today have also never learned good communication skills so are at a loss when they get in a relationship
ReplyDeleteI think people don't give up when they should and they are dating, and then give up too fast when they are married.
ReplyDeleteI think so many people 'meet' on social media now days and think they really know a person so they 'fall in love' before you may really know what they are like. So much can be hidden that way, I would rather meet and court the 'old fashioned' way. I'm not saying it has to be a long courtship either, after all my husband asked me to marry him after one month of 'courting' and we were married four months later, this coming May we will be married for 43 years. I also don't like the living together first and I do believe in the sex AFTER marriage!
ReplyDeletewfnren(at)aol(dot)com
We teach courtship to our children (though maybe not exactly the same way they did it in the past)...our main goal is for our children to learn to protect their hearts and not 'fall in love' willy nilly because someone shows them attention. Also, courtship aims to help protect purity as courtship is for those young people who are actually ready to commit to a long-lasting relationship in marriage. Thank you for the opportunity to win some books!
ReplyDeleteI agree that it is very important to be friends first. I also think that people start dating way too early which leads to all sorts of problems. Personally, I think that the point of dating is only to find a marriage partner so one should not date someone they could not see themselves marrying and should not start dating until they are ready to marry.
ReplyDeleteI am old school and old fashioned and I disapprove highly of how many meet and get together. It is meaningless and provides them with no principles and values. It is sad that so many young women are older and cannot find a mate whose values are important. bencanada1(at)yahoo(dot)com
ReplyDeleteI think the old way is much better in that parents were more involved in the choice and the relationships were based not only on feelings but on similar goals, dreams, and CHOICE. We need to do more choosing in our modern relationships - choosing to work things out, to act in love, and to stay together when things are hard.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I would have liked the "arranged marriages" of old, but I do think you need to get to know each other as friends first...because most of your married life you will need that friend aspect to be strong. Sounds like a great book...can't wait to read it. Thanks! Wilma
ReplyDeleteI think it's important to date intentionally, with the intention of heading towards marriage. If you aren't dating intentionally, then you are giving away pieces of your heart... for what? I am not a fan of recreational dating, and I've only seen hurt come from it, personally. Friendships are so much better in those situations.
ReplyDeleteIts funny that this is your topic today because we were just dicussing this the other day at work... I agree that a lasting relationship needs to start with friendship... I love my husband but we started as friends and that is important! I can talk to him about anything and everything! I think the importance of friendship in a relationship is being lost!
ReplyDeleteI think that too much of modern dating is very much centered on feelings and emotions. Relationships should be built on something more.
ReplyDeleteAs a 40 year old never married woman, I don't have much experience with either. But I do think young people get serious to soon and thus run the risk of getting their heart broken repeatedly.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is my very best friend and was for a couple of years before we began dating. We just celebrated our 17th anniversary and are even better friends and even more in love. Couldn't imagine my life w/out that man.
ReplyDeleteI agree friendship is such an important element in a relationship. There are many non romantic times in a marriage and having that solid friendship helps to sustain the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI believe couples need to develop a friendship with each other before they even consider marriage.
ReplyDeleteFor the most part, I've lived a sheltered life. I didn't "date" very much in high school or college. I'm so lucky that I got to marry my best friend. He and I frequently talk about the differences in our relationship from that of what others seem to be. I feel like courtship is a fading practice and that makes me afraid for my children. But I'm hopeful that they will learn from my relationship with my husband and try to find something like that.
ReplyDeleteI think your daughter is wise in wanting to be friends first - modern dating is not based on commitment but I think courting goes a little too far sometimes! When my Daughter was dating our now son-in-law he spent time with her alone, but he also spent time with us at family dinners, playing games, etc. & I nelieve that is the reason we have such a great relationship with him now!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and I have worked and been by each other's side for 35+ years and we're still best friends!
ReplyDeleteToday's culture is way different, it seems like before both of the people knew they loved the other person before they even kissed them. Or not too long after. It also seemed like when they would court it would be because they were planning on marring that person. In todays times there is way too much emphasis on kissing before you even really know the person. But I also see the struggles that they went through not knowing that the person they loved even liked them. I would love to read any of your books! I think it would be super hard to pick which one the winner will want :)
ReplyDeleteWonderful blog Jody. I can't wait to dive into Rebellious Heart.
ReplyDeleteOur daughter just got married after being courted by her now-husband. She did not date before him, but waited for the right guy to come along. How did she know he was the right guy when he came along, she got to know him as a friend before even entering into the courtship. I think that is so much better then the roller coaster ride of dating, breaking up, dating, breaking up. So much less baggage and heart break is brought into the marriage, that way.
ReplyDeleteI think the one thing I would change is more parental involvement in the choosing of a lifetime mate. It is a fact that the older generation has more experience and can look at a possible mate for their child from a more logical standpoint, where the child is totally blinded by "love!" Obviously, the final choice has to rest with the child, but I wish there was a better system for parent involvement!
ReplyDeleteThey all look like good reads!! Debra Winterrowd d.winterrowd@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteI definitely think more of a friendship needs to be developed before dating begins. I also like that the parents are definitely more involved.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of courtship where each party was more invested in taking the time to get to really know each other. Dating seems to be more focused on having a good time and not so much on the person.
ReplyDeleteI fell in love with this couple through your book and so happy that you helped us take a look back, courtship was so different then and I doubt modern couple would think courtship even needed. thanks for sharing history with us and also this chance to win more books.
ReplyDeletePaula O(kyflo130@yahoo.com)
sharing this post of giveaway on facebook also
ReplyDeletePaula O
Friendship is the best foundation you can have before dating. I became fast friends with my husband. Even though we were married fast I don't regret a single moment with my husband. We met while working in Yellowstone. 2 months later we started dating, 2 months after that he proposed, and 9 months after that we were married. I also saved myself for marriage, that is one thing that I respect more with the older courtships than I do with modern dating. I wanted him to love me for me and not let anything muddy the brain. We now have 2 beautiful children and we have been married for 12 years. :)
ReplyDeleteIn courtships of old, the families of the couple were much more involved. Today people think that they are just marrying another person and not marrying into a whole family. If families were more involved during the courtships, there might be more understanding of the nuances and quirks within every family.
ReplyDeleteI love that your daughter recognizes the importance of friendship in her new relationships. I've been married 53 years to my best friend. :)
ReplyDeleteDating now isn't really about getting to know that person and to find out if they would make a good life partner and a good parent of your future children but usually more about shacking up together. My parents wouldn't let us go on a date until we were 16 and then we could only go out in groups. This gave us a chance to get to know people in a social setting without lots of pressure. Once we were older (I was almost 18) we were allowed to go out on dates by ourselves but even then there were lots of times that I still went out on group dates. There were lots of rules about where we could go, how late we could be out, etc and it was great. I met my husband right before my senior year and we dated for 5 years before we got married without ever living together or having sexual relations.. Before we were married I knew that he was the man I wanted to marry and that there wouldn't be any surprises.
ReplyDeleteI am going to be teaching my children about courting. I don't think there is much good about today's modern view of dating. Been there, done that, and don't wish for my children to experience it! :-)
ReplyDeleteI loved your blog today. I am in complete agreement with you that building a friendship before into any type of individual couple dating. Group activities work very well as a friendship building time. It give time to be together without being alone.
ReplyDeleteFacts of life say that there will be difficulties in life. It is very easy to let those get in the way of romantic love. The friendship is what is then needed to carry the relationship through those difficulties.
Indeed, I was fast friends with my husband before we began dating, and he is my best friend! People move so quickly these days and don't become friends first.
ReplyDeleteI loved how your take of the couple did focus on that friendship purposefully first. It made it more romantic in the long run!
Beth
Dating seems, to me, so much less committed than courtship. Society tends to put this emphasis on trying a little bit of everything before you settle down. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Why, then, would choosing your mate be approached more like grocery shopping and less like building the foundation for the rest of your lives together. My husband and I dated for 5 years. Within 2 weeks we were both certain we were meant for each other, but we took time to build our lives together before we were married. No matter what life throws at us, we can trust each other and count on each other, because we took time and experienced a lot of joy and heartache together and we know how we navigate them together.
ReplyDeleteToday's relationship seem to have expectations that are not God's. I think they have forgotten how to include God, learn about one another and care enough to be friends first and wait for one another.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of courtship. I think we as women will like to be pursued by the man we love. We want to feel special and worth the pursuit. I think that dating in the modern world needs to be more about getting to know the person and not rush into the physical aspect of the relationship. I think that we sell ourselves short when we do not allow men to treat us a ladies. Look at the moives that we love. We love it when men fight for us and declare his love for you to anyone. Why settle for less when we are dating.
ReplyDeleteI think couples today go too fast and don't take the time to really develop a friendship before they rush into love. I never knew Abigal and John wrote letters to each other. That is so romantic to me. My husband's dad was in the service and started writing letters to his mom because she was his best friends sister-in-law and he thought she was pretty. They had not met yet but he "stole" a picture of her from his best friend and carried it around in his pocket and told the guys in the army that this was the girl he was going to marry - even before meeting her. He did meet her and they did get married a few months later. They were married for about 26 years before he died of cancer. My husband has the letters and it is neat to read them.
ReplyDeleteI think more emphasis should be put on friendship before dating. Young people need to realize that every 'friend' they have of the opposite sex is a potential marriage partner. We have tried to instill this in our teens: DO not date anyone you would not consider marrying. Casual dating is usually careless and dangerous. I think dating needs to be monitored and taken more seriously.
ReplyDeleteI have tried to tell my son the same thing - find a friend first, then a prospective wife may come. If you don't like the person that you are pledged to marry, then you cannot expect to have wedded bliss beyond the honeymoon. A lifetime of love takes a lifetime of friendship!
ReplyDeleteI think Nancy M put it nicely if a relationship is not God centered it is hard to wait; esp. in today's society were the attitude is - easy come, easy go. And I think this was true long ago but esp. now.
ReplyDeleteThanks
I agree with you--in general, relationships have a better long-term survival rate if they are based on friendship, rather than some other attraction. What I see today is relationships built on a first physical attraction. Those relationships often die as the flame burns lower.
ReplyDeleteI pinned the giveaway to my Pinterest account and also to Facebook.
ReplyDeleteThat's the problem with society these days. They think they found someone to love and then they get married and when a problem arises in the marriage; they want out!! It's too easy to get a divorce.
ReplyDeleteToday, my husband and I are celebrating 21 years and I hope and pray we have many more years to come!
I feel like I really don't know a lot about modern dating (been married 6 years) but have so many wonderful examples of commitment in my life and I respect those a lot. Praying for the future spouses of my little ones now!!
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of sounding redundant to the comments made above, here it goes: Dating today seems to revolve around sex. The many "family" tv shows confirm this (it truly saddens me to see what is consider "family viewing" these days). People have actually posed the question, "Why buy a car before you test drive it?" referring to sex and marriage. I think we would do well as a society to follow the courtship ideals of 'back when' and remember that, while passion and desire are very important, one must consider friendship and trust. Love isn't just about sex, it's about the whole package - friendship, trust, dedication, passion, and sacrifice.
ReplyDeleteI love reading about the Adams' courtship. Such love. I believe too, that a successful relationship is based off of friendship. My husband really is my best friend.
ReplyDeleteIt makes my heart sad that young people do not keep themselves pure during the courtship process. My husband and I had our first kiss at our wedding. This is why so many marriages do not last, because their "courtship" was based on hormones and not putting God first in their life. That is the key to a happy marriage, I know because I have been married for 18 years!
ReplyDeleteRebellious Heart is on my next list to read...can hardly wait. The Preachers Bride was an amazing read! Loved it!
ReplyDeleteWe courted more than dated. Also I got to know my hubby through emails, chats, and phone calls. We got to know each other so well without the physical attraction being part of it. Love is a choice..I married because I finally found a guy who saw me and not my wheelchair, and because I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I still do 12 years later.:)
DeleteSharing on Facebook.
DeleteI perfer days of old since my daghter started dating.lol. It has to be easier on the parents.
ReplyDeleteKatrina
I think the days of courting is better because a dating couple was more chaperoned than they are now days. The temptations of today are more for dating couples.
ReplyDeleteDawn Crawford
dcofohio@yahoo.com
In the olden days the men were more respectful/gallant and the women were more modest. These traits focused the relationships on learning about each other rather than the immediate rush of a new relationship that soon fizzles. Also back then more couples went to church, a good foundation for a long life together.
ReplyDeleteI would love to go back to the old way of dating. I feel that, back then, wanting to court a woman showed the man really cared enough to spend time with her. Instead of e-mailing, texting, or talking on the phone. It's just so much easier in person.
ReplyDeleteI think the old way of dating or courting were way better than today's standard of dating. In the old days, if a gentlemen called on you, you knew he was pursuing you with the intent of marriage. Not just for fun or so he wasn't "single" but because he was seeking a wife. The men also had to have the father's approval. That's huge to me. Girls should seek to date men that are serious about what they want out of the relationship and are willing to meet the father's standards as well.
ReplyDeletewith five daughters, i am terrified by today's way of dating! there is too much focus on physical relationships. i find myself praying often for the young men that my daughters will meet and marry one day, wherever and whoever they may be, and that they will be Godly men and love and respect my daughters.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on the friendship before marriage. Your book about the romance of Abigail and John sounds like it will be a good read. Looking forward to reading it.
ReplyDeleteI would love to see it go back to courtship instead of dating.
ReplyDeleteThings are just so out of control anymore with dating.
There is little to no respect for the person you are seeing.
I think I prefer the courtship of old, or at least some version of it. It seems there is more potential for accountability that way. I like also to see the parents involved to some extent, for wise parents have much to offer a young couple. :)
ReplyDeleteWow! What a conversation started! My family loves watching 19 Kids and Counting and they practice courtship. This has led to some great conversations in our house about dating vs. courtship. My 9 and 7 year old girls are convinced courtship is the way to go!! Hopefully they always think like that--and I'm praying their future husbands agree.
ReplyDeleteFor modern dating, I would change that you would have to be more principled and scrupulous in relationships; not kissing and embracing too soon and most certainly trying to remain chaste until marriage. Now there are songs that say "waking up with you on my chest...I might just change your name". If that isn't getting the cart before the horse. In courting days, men and women seemed to have more respect for each. I think because they had to take the time to get to know each other better and they had to value more what they gave away.
ReplyDeleteI feel friendship is a strong basis of any relationship, regardless of the time period. I dated my husband for about 5 years before we were married. We became friends and not just boyfriend/girlfriend. I think people just rush into marriage before that foundation is developed. For some, it may develop more quickly than others. Some may be friends first, others not. There is no ideal scenario. But without that base or commitment, a marriage may not be as strong.
ReplyDeleteThen I look at my parents and grandparents, whose marriages were "almost arranged". My grandmother was given a choice, but never really spent time with him. But, she knew his character before they married and she loved him dearly, even decades after his passing.
I think each relationship is as unique as the people in them. I'm happy to say that after 18 years, I am happy I ended up marrying my best friend.
I do believe that marriages work better when they are founded on friendship and when your spouse is your best friend. I loved your book Noble Groom and there was also a great foundation of friendship in that book too.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing quite so special as marrying your best friend.
ReplyDeleteOn October 17th just past, I celebrated my 21st wedding anniversary, and I'm only 41. Marrying my best friend was the best thing I ever did. Nabbed him right out of the gate. The kiddies are quite stoked I did too. :)
Thanks for the giveaway and the lovely post, Jody. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
I agree that dating relationships should be built on friendship. There is just something special about being married to your best friend.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is my very best friend and the love of my life. We have been married for 34 years. We met in August, began dating in January, were engaged by Easter, and married in August. We recognized right away the attributes in one another that we held dear in a lifelong mate. I think that many people now don't know what values/attributes they think to be essential for building a lifelong commitment. They just wait to be dazzled, and it doesn't take long for the shine to fade.
ReplyDeletegrams1819@hotmail.com
i think that modern dating is now vastly different from when i was dating - and i'm only 35!! kids these days think that sex, oral sex, etc., are so meaningless that "hooking up" is no big deal. i can't imagine jumping right to sex without having had years of dating, courtship and marriage first... how on earth are you supposed to develop a friendship when you're letting your hormones triumph over your self-control?
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet story idea! I look forward to reading it. The best marriages I've seen are that - friends who enjoy each other.
ReplyDeleteHopefully we are a little more open in our dating than before. Women can initiate conversations more.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with all of the people who say relationships should begin with friendship. Makes sense to me.
ReplyDeleteI wish people would slow down a little bit. It seems like teens today are rushing toward marriage (and other things) that they would be much better waiting for.
ReplyDeleteDating is so casual today. While I feel like people can get closer in a relational sense while dating (they can become close, then best friends!), they can be so short and shallow. With courting, things seem to go slower and carry more meaning (like marriage). I wish it was normal to court now!
ReplyDelete~Marie
I think it all comes down to a couple honoring God together as they pursue marriage. Any other kind of "dating" or "courting" is pointless and will inevitably lead to heartache and regret.
ReplyDeleteTaking time to get to know one another is vital to a solid relationship. Also having Christ as the center is of utmost importance.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for that friendship stage before an actually relationship starts. What a precious time to get to know one another before all the complications of a relationship!
ReplyDeleteI'm really excited about the giveaway too--thanks for the opportunity Jody!
I think couples don't know each other well enough today - being friends first is very important I think. And, of course, having God at the heart of their relationship is of utmost importance, whether in "olden times" or in today's world.
ReplyDeleteI wish people still courted like they did in the past, in fact, that is basically what my parents want me to do when I start dating.
ReplyDeleteI don't like how people date now days for a few reasons:
1. Most girls take it to seriously and get jealous over every little thing; they basically hold their boyfriends by chains. (figure of speech)
2. Boys don't take dating seriously enough most of the time and do flirt around to much with other girls.
3. The couples get physical right away, when it shouldn't even happen in the first place until they are married.
4. People will break up for a dumb reason then get back together again. Then REPEAT the process!
There are more reasons but those are the big ones that come to mind right now. I really think that most people are to immature to date if they are under the age of 20. Granted, there are some people who are very mature for their age, but most now are not, even most Christians. People don't have the same mannerisms as others did back when people courted either. I know not everyone was a gentlemen in the past, but I feel like their were a lot more then we have now.
If I could change the way people date today this is how it would be:
1. They couldn't just date by "saying" they were dating. They would have to actually go OUT on dates.
2. They would NOT celebrate every single anniversary. Ex: 1st month, 2 month, 3rd month, etc... They would ONLY celebrate the bigger ones. Ex: 1st month, 6th month, 1st year, 2nd year, etc...
3. The couples would HAVE to meet each others parents right away. Maybe even before they started dating.
4. They would have "family" dates where one night the male would go out with his girlfriend and her family would accompany them, then another night she would go with him and his family.
5. They would have to practice TRUST and not restrict each other from practically talking with anybody of the opposite sex.
This is kind of lengthy, but I've thought these things through many times. When I do start dating I don't want my boyfriend to think I'm a control freak and that he can only hangout with me. I want him to have fun, but I want him to be faithful. (I hope all this makes sense). :)
I love what you have said about the Adamses. If there is a friendship to build on, then maybe people wouldn't be so ready to leave when the marriage isn't as "exciting" as it once was.
ReplyDeleteI was so happy to read this post, Jody, because it's something I've thought myself many times. I'm young and unmarried, but to me it's always seemed to be a matter of good common sense that one ought to have a good friendship with someone before moving on to a romantic relationship. That's what confounds me about the modern-day dating practices: if you want to develop a friendship with someone, all well and good; but why must you call it 'dating' and make a romantic relationship out of it before you know them well as a person and a friend?
ReplyDeleteI'm curious about what you think of this as an author—do you think that relationships based on a gradually developing friendship are pretty scarce in romance novels? It seems that with all the modern-day readers' and publishers' emphasis on conflict, it wouldn't find much favor—nearly every pair of love interests starts out detesting each other instead. :)
I can't speak for other authors or publishers, but my publisher always has encouraged me to make sure I show a developing relationship with my hero and heroine where they get to know each other first, develop a friendship or common ground. But I have read books where the couple starts off in conflict and then has to overcome that in order to become friends. Great question!
DeleteWhen I first met my husband, as much as I hoped things would "progress" with him, I was grateful that even if things didn't work out romantically, I knew I had found a good friend.
ReplyDeleteObviously things DID work out romantically (wink) and even better, we are best friends. I agree so much with what you've written in this post. Thank you, for the blog post AND the giveaway!
I back courting all the way, I feel dating encourages divorce, by if I get tired of you I will just leave you. I think a good Christian family can over come that by teaching their children correctly, however if you only court whom you plan to marry and get much insight from your family and through prayer you could have such a more meaningful relationship.
ReplyDeleteIt seems so many aspects of today's relationships are viewed as temporary. If things don't "work out" move on. The idea of working on the relationship is rare. There is little effort to work out good communication skills, to learn to treat each other with respect, to commit to cherishing each other. Relationships are not disposable. No human being is going to be perfect or able to provide everything you need. That has to come from your spiritual life.
ReplyDeleteDating is too casual now. I wish the dating couple thought more about the other's feelings and less about their own.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that dating often begins too young (I think junior high is too young). Being friends before romance seems ideal. I know I envied women who said their husband was their best friend. I couldn't say that about my husband; perhaps that is one reason the marriage didn't last.
ReplyDeleteI think I like the idea of how you had chaperones in times gone by, nowadays many parents turn a blind eye on the dating habits of their children. It seems like the morés of the times of the old were more proper and perhaps restricting. But that actually could be good to some extent, because now dating is almost like a free for all, anything goes!
ReplyDeleteI definitely believe that relationships based on friendship love are much stronger than those based solely on romantic feelings. Many people today feel like they need a boyfriend/girlfriend just because "it's what everyone else is doing," which usually leads to heartbreak. Sadly, in today's society, marriage no longer appears to be viewed as sacred or even permanent.
ReplyDeleteI think you brought out a good point about friendship. Many people forget that a relationship based on just one aspect of who a person is has little staying power. When you date or marry, you are spending time with the whole person, not just a part of them. If you don't know or like the whole person, a long term relationship is in jeopardy.
ReplyDeleteToday we are in such a hurry, we don't take the time to get to know people well enough. More get togethers where young people can visit with each other, dance, and enjoy without the pressure to pair up would be good. It allows them to get to know one another and takes the pressure off for having to be a couple to go out to a party or similar outing. Teens have been going out as groups for a long time. We should find a way to make more opportunities available to them to attend group events that allow them to find out more about each other.
This couple had so much going for them. They did not live in easy times. I believe the strength of their friendship was as responsible as their love for helping them make it through and thrive.
I do believe the days of no technology allowed a couple to get to know one another, face to face. Texting back and forth defeats the purpose - but then I'm probably considered old fashioned. Yea old fashioned!
ReplyDeletemissionwife AT hotmail DOT com
Courtship was so much more "real" then , wish it could go back to that!
ReplyDeleteI definitely believe in solid friendship in building up to a marriage. That foundation of friendship has helped my husband and I weather incredible challenges in jobs, parenting, and more *together.* Love that *together* part.
ReplyDeleteI think friendship first is the way to go.
ReplyDeleteI think people got to know each other better in those days. I think we could use more of that in todays world of dating.
ReplyDeleteI think modern dating is definitely too loose. Developing a friendship is very important as well as basing the relationship on God's principals. There was a safety to the old method of courtship that is missing in today's dating scene. And although I wouldn't want to go back to the old way of courting, there are some points it wouldn't hurt to follow.
ReplyDeleteToday dating usually means sex, is what i hear. It's like going out for ice cream,! Becoming friends first seems so much better as you have learned to talk to each other before romancing.
ReplyDeleteBack when I was young ( a long time ago). I am 66 years old. We dated for a while to get to know each other. Got engaged. Then got married and worked for 5 years before having our daughter. Now they meet, have kids and then maybe get married. Things are backwards. I like the old way better.
ReplyDeleteThank u for offering this give away. A lot of wonderful authors! I have truly enjoyed your books! Also shared on FaceBook. jahaefner at aol dot com
ReplyDeleteThe weirdest thing for me is the "instacouple". Two people meet, find each other attractive, and start dating. But if you really want a relationship to last, shouldn't you get to know a person BEFORE you start dating?
ReplyDeleteI have always maintained that you need to be friends as well as lovers. I think the Hollywood version of love has given young people the wrong idea. I love stories about couples from the past. Your new book sounds so good.
ReplyDeleteAs a Sophomore at a Christian college I encourage you to not lose hope in the modern woman. I agree courting that involving the parents not only added wisdom, but also a sense of accountability. However, dating is not a lost cause. Many people won't read this, but I hope someone does and they can see it's okay to trust. I define a date as going out with a male friend and enjoying conversation and maybe a meal, a movie, or the stars. Dating is seeing if they could be a life partner. Any dating relationship has an end goal of marriage for me, but that's where a date can determine whether the friendship will become more. My parents trust that they have raised me to make smart Godly choices. I respect them and my future husband enough that I won't do anything that would jeopardize the relationship I will have someday.
ReplyDeleteI've never been kissed, but I don't need to stay this way, I just have kept my heart guarded. Partly because I haven't been pursued by someone I want to let in and partly because I'm scared. All this talk about a man showing his true desire through courtship is nice, but I would be tempted to fall for the first boy who asked instead of being picky. My family trusts that God will lead me to a man whom He has prepared. I want to be his friend, sure, but I also want to say no if I'm not ready.
My Mother always said, "You have to be the right person before you can find the right person." -Lorna Seilstad
I'm trying to be a light in the world where courting is romanticized and dating is demoralized. Don't lose hope or teach your daughters to be cowards. Teach them to be strong women of God. Daughter's of the Heavenly King. Give them the confidence to be picky with the guys around them, but don't take away their hope that God has set aside a man worthy of finding their heart and cherishing it for the rest of his life.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's dating so much as shopping for a mate that fits. Used car lots, used people - both can be a bit dodgy. Lust is mistaken for love, and love only lasts so long as everything is going well. Endurance, patience, honor and respect are somehow not as valued as instant gratification. But, that's what you get when you look for love on the devil's terms.
ReplyDeleteI love chivalry. I love the way Christ has already declared His intention to return for me, and that I have this time to prepare for my bridegroom. He isn't trying me out to see if I fit His style. He's not trading me in for the next best thing. He saw me, He wants me, He loves me, He fought for me, He won me. And I get breathless anticipating His arrival. Any man that models himself after Christ, any woman that chooses to prepare herself like the Church - that's going to be a beautiful relationship.
ReplyDeleteI can't exactly speak from experience but I think friendship should come before any romance. You need a good foundation. (Preferably one with God as the ultimate basis). Anyway, romance can die away, and if that's all you had to go off, the relationship can't withstand hard times as well as it could if you've already been through some things together.
I wish people would get to know each other better before jumping into relationships. I wish they would take more time to get to know the person's heart. Know what they're passionate about. Really know who they are.
I'd love it if people would find value and worth in sex. Cherish it and don't just throw it away. Save it for the person who really knows their heart, and vise versa. Honestly, I'd love it if sex was saved for marriage. That's the way it was originally designed. Besides, romance isn't only about sex. Sex may play a big role at times, but there are times when it's not enough. There has to be more. Intimacy on a different level besides the physical.
These are just a few things that tie into a "good" relationship in my opinion. They're the things that will help make it last, cause that's what it's about. A lasting love, not something you just walk away from when it gets old. But the only way for it to really last is to include God from the beginning.
Happy Anniversary! Congrats on the recent release! What a great way to celebrate both!
ReplyDeleteLOOK, I HAVE MY ARMS UP HIGH AND MY HANDS ARE WAVING...'PICK ME'!...THIS IS A FANTASTIC COLLECTION OF NOVELS THE PORTRAY COURTSHIP AND LOVE.
ReplyDeleteI'm still kinda young yet, but I think more couples in days of old (compared to couples today, present-day) took more time to get to know each other before getting engaged and subsequently married. There was less "shacking up" - respect and honor was the order of the day - if a woman's reputation was compromised, she could be pressured into a quick marriage by her family. I think back then a female's honor might be more valued than today - not to say that today ladies aren't valued. But I wonder if back then people had a better idea of purity. A life of purity, though, can still be lived in this day and age - and it's fascinating to read about men and women in days of old who had a fascinating love story :)
ReplyDeleteCourtship is antequated, however, the "dating" our world does now sickens me...It cheapens the word "relationship" and oftentimes is just used as an excuse to make out or have sex. I also think lots of dates tend to be shallow in activity (movies) and don't allow you to get to know the other person. I love the idea of group outings at first because you tend to see the real person when there are more people to interact with, etc....
ReplyDeleteI think that dating or courtship should be based on friendship first. I tend to lean more toward the courtship method of dating. The current way of dating is not usually one that is focused on getting to know a person. By-the-way I read your newest book Rebellious Heart and really enjoyed it! I loved the author's note that talked about the Adams. Thank you for writing!
ReplyDeleteI think today's dating sucks. The reason I say this is because so many people are obssessed with getting into someone's pants rather than getting to REALLY know them on a heart to heart level. So many people are left broken from the relationships of today. I think courtship is better because it gives a long time span and because you are really getting to know someone better on a more HEART TO HEART level. There are too many people sleeping around now a days because they have been told that is how things go. That its okay. God says the marriage bed is for intimacy between a husband and a wife.
ReplyDeleteWell, as I've never dated or courted anyone I don't exactly have experience. I think courting was maybe a bit on the strict side making it almost impossible for a couple to have a private conversation. But of course dating these days is, largely, too "free." So many couples jump into dating and "shacking up" with someone they've just met because that's what modern society calls a relationship these days. So much of "modern" dating is about the physical and my generation has been so conditioned to believe that that is what real relationship is. I think a mixture of courtship and dating is better. We need the commitment and morals of courtship along with some of the freedoms of modern dating. And by freedoms, I mean being able to see each other without a chaperone listening in on every word. :)
ReplyDeleteThe courting in years past where the young man visits the young lady at her home (with her parents or family present or nearby) is a much better way of getting to know whether they are "right" for each other. Current "dating" really doesn't serve a purpose, save to teach teens and adults "how to break-up". Also, there is quite a disturbing trend of "hooking-up" for a very short time. Both men and women end up feeling used and worthless. For my children, we have a "no dating" policy. They may go to a church related group event (Bible camp, concerts, etc) where there are chaperones present. Other than that, we need to be present (or nearby) when someone "comes to call". I would really like to see parents guide their children through the courting process and help them discover who GOD has for them.
ReplyDeleteI feel as if the old courting day were far more mature compared to today's dating society. People now tend to date just to date. Back then it was all intended for marriage.
ReplyDeleteMy parents gave a rule of not dating until sixteen or until 'we' felt we were mature enough to handle it. Well, we are now getting into our very early twenties. In high school, we wanted to just focus on school like my mom advised. Both of us being in college now, we feel we now are ready for dating. I would like my dating life to be somewhat like courting. I would like a deep friendship built much like the Adams. Thank you Jody for this blog post. I didn't know about any of this until just now. It has helped have a better mind set on dating. :) Thank you:)
I think you're right about the romantic vs. friendship part. The romance is great, don't get me wrong. But after a few weeks or months, reality sets in and your romantic guy may gain a few pounds or doesn't smell so good after a work out or heaven forbid, leaves the toilet seat up. Marriage takes time and work and tuning. And soon your spouse becomes your best friend, someone to share your ups and downs with.
ReplyDeleteBut! romance is not dead either. Taking time to go on dates and have one-on-one time helps tune the marriage as well.
Modern dating puts too much emphasis on social performance, and sometimes people don't get to know each other well. Courting allows for more time to spend together and develop a relationship.
ReplyDeleteI think you should become friends before you start dating. Thanks for the chance to win!
ReplyDeleteFriends first along with lots of prayer to start with. I am looking forward to reading this book and doing more reading on the Adams. Thanks for another great book along with this giveaway.
ReplyDeleteWise to become friends before all else.
ReplyDeleteI have LOVED all of your comments everyone! Thank you SO MUCH for sharing! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the chance to win. Time to develop a friendship lets us know the true character of the other.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely not a fan of dating, and I thank God for picking out the right man for me so that I only ever had to date (or court? we did go into it with the mutual intention of getting married) just him. The stress of dating, even though we were friends first, led to unhealthy weight loss from the inability to keep down food half the time when we ate together - a condition dubbed "love sick" by my roommates, which made romantic meals decidedly less romantic. Thankfully that went away sometime during the engagement so we didn't die of emaciation our first year of marriage when we had to eat together all the time. If that happened to everyone, I guarantee there would be less dating in our country!
ReplyDeleteWhen everyone else is getting married, it seems like there's a lot of pressure on the single friends to find someone too. It is really hard to watch friends do "casual dating" for the sake of having someone to date; I have yet to see it turn out well. A dear, dear friend of mine (and a christian) chose to date a non-christian friend with the mutual intention of breaking up when we graduated from college. They didn't break up right away as planned, but it was so painful to watch. There was a lot of hurt involved not just in the end, but really at a steady increase throughout the relationship.
Thus being friends just doesn't cut it, either, if the relationship isn't based on God.
The relationship between John and Abigail Adams has always been my inspiration for letter writing. It is my favorite way of communication, and knowing my Grandparents exchanged letters makes me long to do something similar.
ReplyDeleteAhh! So excited! I would love to win some of these books! (I already own a couple ;] )
ReplyDeleteI, personally, have always grown up around the word 'dating'-- but that doesn't mean it was meant the way it means to others. My 'dating' has always been friendship first, parents involvement with our friendship-then-relationship (meeting, acquainting, befriending, and eventually, since my dad is a pastor, probably some counseling).
To me, the two words have always been the same. It wasn't until later that I realized they had different meanings to people. I still refer to it as dating, but, if need be, I definitely set anybody straight.
My standards of young man also need to be:
1. Christian
2. Major prayer life
3. Leader
4. ....Back to being a believer again. It's so important.
Plus, from personal experience, you NEED to befriend the young man first. Even if he is a professing believer, it does not mean he is.
Your daughter made a really good decision, and I admire her for that. Nowadays it is so hard to be friends first because of all the peer pressure, and probably if the boy is cute. (;
Thankful for this post! A good reminder!
Danielle D.
I already commented about this on the post that took me to this post. I do wish more people followed this. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I were friends first. It was all quite by accident and we really had no plan of action. It just happened that way. We became friends and 'ran around' with a group of friends. Obviously we became more than friends (after trying to convince everyone we were 'just friends'. hahaha!) and we try to instill the importance of becoming friends first to our children. Whether they follow our example or not, we pray for their future relationships.
ReplyDeleteShared on Facebook ewe_r_merritt(at)yahoo(dot)com
ReplyDeleteI think they took they time to be just friends in the past. It seems like nowadays they take the relationship way beyond being friends way too fast.
ReplyDeleteWe will encourage our children to not date until they are ready to consider marriage, and then, to court. Fewer hearts are broken that way, I believe.
ReplyDeleteNow days, people rush to have kids before marriage. I believe you should get to know each other, then marriage, then children. That way you will not have a broken heart. I have a few people in my family that did this and now there no longer together anymore.
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree that friendship should come first to really get to know each other and "dating" then should be with someone you might be interested in marrying. This would save a lot of hurt feelings that casually dating causes.
ReplyDeleteYou made a comment in your article "Courtship and Romance: Then and Now" on Writes of Passage that I hadn't thought about but I do believe you're on to something. "... The practice of continually dating and breaking up may also contribute to divorce, since couples are already in the habit of separating when troubles arise. ..." There are too many times couples almost go into marriage with the idea that if it doesn't work out we can get a divorce. Being friends first, really knowing a person, will certainly help with the 'doesn't work out'. And living together before marriage ISN"T getting to know the person!
ReplyDeleteToo many times young people today spend more time, energy (and money) on the 'wedding' when they haven't invested the time and energy in knowing each other, becoming friends, and in working toward / looking at what the marriage will be.
Although I'm not sure I'd want to go all the way to the early times, I do think these modern dating rituals aren't working.
And, yes, I do think prayer, God's guidance, equally yoked is most most most important!
purity, abstinence
ReplyDeleteI would love the Preacher's Bride!!! Kathleen ~ Lane Hill House
lanehillhouse[at]centurylink[dot]net
tweeted (https://twitter.com/LaneHillHouse/status/394229711577964545) and shared on Facebook news page (Awesome! Check this out! http://jodyhedlund.blogspot.com/2013/10/anniversary-celebration-five-book.html) about your contest here! Kathleen ~ Lane Hill House
ReplyDeletelanehillhouse[at]centurylink[dot]net
The young people of today seem to want to rush everything. Maybe we should back it up and take it slower.
ReplyDeleteI agree that friendship is so important to marriage. Too many people are afraid of commitment. However, I think that "living together" is a commitment and that is ignored by couples. Breaking up is very hard no matter. I believe in friendship, engagement and marriage.
ReplyDeleteLet love grow slowly.
ReplyDeleteI agree with courtship, although I didn't court. The Duggars have it right--you give away pieces of your heart when you date.
ReplyDeleteI think today's young people rush into relationships too fast. I was always taught to become friends first and learn more about each other before starting the courtship. Our pastor taught that you should always be in a group or at least a double date. Too many today want to "try out" living together and see if it will work before making any commmitments to each other. Donna
ReplyDeleted[dot]brookmyer[at]yahoo[dot]com
I am sharing on facebook also. Donna
ReplyDeleted[dot]brookmyer[at]yahoo[dot]com
I like that the Adams wrote many letters to each other and wish more had survived. Over 40 years ago, when my husband and I were engaged we lived 80 miles apart and wrote each other letters almost daily. We wrote more often than talking on the phone. I think those letters were important in forming our relationship.
ReplyDeleteDating has become like not just trying on the shoes in the store, but also taking them home and wearing them for a time before paying for them. Too often dating becomes too much too soon. If young people are taught to wait on God, find His will for their lives and serve Him each day, they will find the one He has for them. The one will most likely turn out to be their best friend as well.
ReplyDeleteI think life would have been so much easier if, as a young person, I had thought about courting or being courted by a young man rather than jumping head first into heartbreak, rushing things, bad decisions and even more heartbreak. Because now as a single 36 yr old female who's never been mrarried I don't even know when/where/how to begin! Now, being older I want to take time to grow a friendship with the man I marry and wait until our wedding night before we have sex but it's so hard with that old biological clock, plus I'm no longer a virgin and neither are 95% of young people my age and finding a young man who'll still wait and not shun me for my decision to wait is proving to be most dificult! Plus, my church is smaller and the main group of sigles is the college age kids-which I am not-I feel I have even more limited access to meet a Christian young man for friendship and/or dating. If I had let my parents be in charge of me finding a spouse I'd probably be married with children and/or teenager by now! Thanks for the chance to win these great books!
ReplyDeletekam110476(at)gmail(dot)com
I think our culture does tend to skip the friendship stage and put too much emphasis on physical attraction.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of more supervision, spending time with family around. That makes you focus on the person more, instead of being physically tempted.
ReplyDeleteI think the traditional way of courting has much more merit, supervision to avoid temptation, more family focus, just a lot more benefits than the seemingly whimsical dating of today. My husband and I chose to "court" or "date with a purpose" before we were engaged.
ReplyDeleteGetting to know each other is so very important! I do not believe that young adults today know as much about each other as they think they do and they rush into marriage too quickly which often ends in divorce. Many years ago, the parents picked out the spouse to be, and helped them to get to know each other and then after marriage they knew that they needed to work it out rather than run away from the problems.
ReplyDeleteAs a single, young woman, I like the idea of getting to know a person amidst a group of people--you can see how they interact with others (not just you) and it gives you a chance to get to know them with less pressure. I am currently listening to the audio book cd "Abigail Adams: Her Letters" (Voices From the Past) and am enjoying "reading" her letters to her husband during the Revolutionary War.
ReplyDeleteI think the world is always changing.
ReplyDeleteI'm not fond of modern dating. Women are independent, so to me the guys are less of a gentleman if he is one at all. There's nothing wrong with becoming friends first. You need to know the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with.
ReplyDeleteBarbara Thompson
barbmaci61(at)yahoo(dot)com
I'm not fond of modern dating. Women are independent, so men have become less of a gentleman if he is one at all. It's good to be friends, if this is the person you may spend the rest of your life with.
ReplyDeleteBarbara Thompson
barbmaci61(at)yahoo(dot)com
Love to win those books! I shared on FB. sharon. ca
ReplyDeleteI think young people today jump into intimate relationships much too fast and when the newness is gone they break up. I met my husband in high school and we dated for 2 years and then got married. It has lasted for 51 years. My daughter and granddaughter both look up to this example and my granddaughter said when she got married that " Marriage Is For A Lifetime." I'm happy she and her husband feel that way!!! I would love to win the books as I love to read!
ReplyDeleteI am all for courtship. Dating is just way too much misery and baggage to have when you finally meet the man you marry. I do think parents should have some input as they will see what not-quite-yet mature teens may not see.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think that we could learn a lot from the older ways of courtship. It seems mostly superior to the way we do things now. Great giveaway!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely enjoyed this post and your post on "Writes of Passage". Even enjoyed reading through the comments. Today's teens seem to be in such a hurry when it comes to dating. They need to read articles like this.
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame friendship is often overlooked nowadays. I believe being first on a lasting friend basis with someone is a good way to later have a meaningful relationship.
Thanks for sharing! And what a great Giveaway!
Tell the World
Shared on my facebook account as well as my facebook page! Also, tweeted!
DeleteModern dating has never made a whole lot of sense to me. Its only purpose is to have fun & there's rarely any commitment. Me and most of my family have committed to a style of "courtship" that is lot like the way it's been done in the past, with family involvement & in group settings. To us that seems a whole lot wiser.
ReplyDeleteI agree that you need to be good friends before the romance. I really liked this post :-) Thanks for sharing it:-)
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I really appreciate your thoughts on this--my husband and I took the 'friends' approach when we were first dating. It helped that we started out long-distance, so there was plenty of space to talk about life as friends, but it's something we want to continue building even with marriage, raising kids, etc.
ReplyDeleteSome people don't seem to put in any effort now
ReplyDeleteOur take on this issue has raised some eyebrows over the years, but we've discouraged our children from dating just for the sake of dating. They have had many friends and outings, but we haven't wanted them to 'pair off' with any one person at too young an age. In fact, our twins are now 22. One is now in a relationship with a young man in our church (only in the last 9 months), and they possibly seem to be heading toward a 'permanent' relationship. However, her twin sister has never been in any kind of relationship, and she is completely fine with that. In fact, she says she will just wait on the Lord to provide 'the one' in His timing. Our other four children have seen how their older sisters have handled this issue, and they have seen it works. Of course, it all depends on the age and maturity levels, and how we deal with our 13yo daughter or our 16yo son is completely different from the way we address our young adult children.
ReplyDeleteGreat question!
I think it would be better if kids would wait until age 17-18 to start dating one on one.
ReplyDeleteI wish that dating in today's world was taken more seriously. So many times, even at my age (I'm 27 and single), people date just so they aren't alone and they don't really give much thought to whether or not that person is potentially someone they could marry.
ReplyDeleteI wish that men still treated women like ladies, with respect and gentleness during during the dating/coutship period. My husband did- always holding the door open for me, pulling out my chair, etc. I think it's sad that men show so little chilvary in our modern culture. - Lisa Eichelberger
ReplyDeleteThanks for the opportunity to win these books!
ReplyDeleteI've often thought that we could benefit from some of the boundaries of courtship. I've even thought I would trust my parents for an arranged marriage if it came down to it,because they know and love me so well. But really I'm just asking God to arrange it for me. Because who knows better than He what we need?
ReplyDeleteI wish that things were taken slower, particularly physically. If only courting took place today as it did back then, marriages may last longer than they do.
ReplyDeleteI like that innocence and purity were valued virtues.
ReplyDeleteYoung people should not be alone together period. I am a young person and the "dating" of this day is deplorable. At least back in the day when young people were around each other it was about communication and increasing your knowledge of that person. Today's kids should take notes.
ReplyDeleteModern dating is so shallow. What I am witnessing in today's society has very little to do with friendship and more to do with the physical. It is really a sad situation. Babies come first and then maybe....marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband and I dated (we both had been married before) we took the time to develop a friendship first. Infact, (do I hear some gasps out there?), we didn't share a kiss on the first, second, third, fourth...well you get the picture date until the time was right. Old fashion? Maybe...but that was what was right for us.
Blessings!
Judy B
I shared on my facebook account!
ReplyDeleteShared on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/patricia.barraclough.9/posts/10200740921834493
ReplyDeleteRight now, I'm just walking closely with God. I would say courtship and starting out as friends. I am 22 yrs. old and the youngest of five. From what I've seen of my two oldest siblings lives, dating is definitely not an option for me. I am happily unattached and I am very close with my brothers. Though others, especially family(who shall remained unnamed), try to match me up, I will have none of it. I know that God has a perfect plan for my life and that ,if it's to be, God will bring the one along...and I have a feeling that I will be running for my life, as I usually prefer to be left alone..to read & listen to/play music...:D Thank you for sharing with us!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Juli
Jody, I read your book The Preacher's Bride and I cannot wait to read more of your books!!
ReplyDelete