The Importance of Being Intentional

Intentional. It’s a word we don’t hear very often. It means that we choose to act deliberately, purposefully, and consciously.

Of course, like most serious writers, I’m deliberate and purposeful with my writing. I give myself goals whether I’m researching, writing, editing. I make deadlines for myself ahead of the ones my publisher gives me. I consciously challenge myself to read new writing craft books, to keep learning, to improve my writing skill.

As a mama-writer with five children, I’ve had to learn to be intentional in my parenting too. When people ask me, “How do you manage 5 children AND find time to write,” I can point out that developing creativity in my children has helped (See post: Fostering Creativity in Kids). But I must also add, that being intentional with my children is a big component of my parenting as well.

What exactly does it mean to parent with intentionality? How can intentional parenting help us manage better?

What exactly does it mean to parent with intentionality?

Simply this: We chose to be purposeful with our children instead of leaving things up to chance.

While my husband and I are far from perfect, there are several main areas where we've worked to be intentional:

*Developing character. We’ve done character studies together as a family where we focus on learning about different traits—truthfulness, diligence, patience, punctuality, self-control, etc. When we see a particular characteristic one of our children needs to grow in, we give them plenty of practice in developing it. Sometimes we provide incentives for working on specific traits. And we try to praise them when we see them growing in that character.

*Teaching our children to work. We view childhood as the training ground for adulthood. And since we want our children to grow up to be successful in whatever jobs or calling they pursue, we want to equip them with helpful work habits. Besides, we also have the motto, “Whoever lives in the house has to help with the housework.” So, we expect and teach our children to take responsibilities around the house. (See post How to Get Children to Do Chores for more ideas.)

*Setting aside family time. We know that in the rush of daily activities, family time can get relegated to the back burner. We do several things to protect time together. We guard family meal time and we all eat together around the kitchen table. We set aside one evening a week for “family night.” And then on Sunday afternoons, I do an activity with my daughters and my husband does likewise with our sons.

How can intentional parenting help us manage better?

Simply this: When our children are growing in character, when they’re pitching in around the house, and when they know they’re important to us, then our children THRIVE. And when our children thrive, we as parents can too. We’ll have more confidence, time, and energy.

Yes, being purposeful with our children requires an upfront investment. It takes effort to train our children to clean their rooms or unload the dishwasher. It’s not always convenient to help our children practice sharing or show kindness. In fact, it's less work for us to let little misbehaviors slide than to stop and address the issues of the heart that are driving them. And it's not easy to give up a Sunday afternoon nap to have tea parties with our daughters.

However, when we invest in our children, eventually they begin to mature and require less supervision. This summer we gave our 13 year old son the responsibility of mowing our big back yard. We told him we didn’t want to nag him with, “The grass is getting long. Don’t you think it’s time to mow?” We wanted him to see that it needed to be done, plan ahead around his activities, and just do it.

And you know what? That’s what he’s done. But it’s taken years of intentional parenting to get him to that point. The process required an investment of time and energy on our part, but it’s paid off—he’s developing into a mature young man who will hopefully be ready for adulthood.

~Summary: Intentional parenting equips our children with the skills they’ll need to succeed in life. And it also benefits us as parents—at least it does me. When my children are growing in character, it makes my job as a parent easier. When my children share the household work, it frees my time for other things. And when I know that I’ll have specific family time, it allows me to work hard during other parts of the week.

How intentional are you with your writing? And how important do you think it is to be intentional with children? Do you agree that in the long run, intentional parenting pays off?

Working in Small Steps But Seeing the Big Picture

What I Learned About Life & Writing From . . . Legos.

The favorite toy of both my sons is Legos. Over the years, we’ve set a new world record for the number of Legos that can fit into one house. Just last week as we celebrated my younger son’s seventh birthday, we acquired even more—yep, you guessed it—Legos! (Now we’re considering adding a separate room on to our house--one just for displaying Lego projects.)

All kidding aside, as I was looking at the Legos spread over the carpet, and as I watched my son struggle to piece together 500+ tiny blocks into some semblance of order, I realized writing is a lot like building with Legos.

In fact life is like building with Legos. Sometimes events and problems spill around us. All of the different shapes and sizes overwhelm us. It looks like chaos and we wonder how we’ll ever be able to make anything good out of the mess.

My son had to use the instruction manual, had to have order, and sometimes needed to call for help. There were times when he fell back on the floor in frustration. There were even times when he needed to give himself a break and do something else for a while.

The same is true of us when we’re facing the chaos that life dumps upon us. And yes, I think that we can even apply the principles to our writing. Here’s what I’ve learned from Legos:

Work Small: Take it One Step at a Time

Anytime something looks overwhelming, it’s easy to toss up our hands and say, “This is too hard. I can’t do it.” When we’re trying to get started into a book or are in the middle of editing, the 80,000 words look daunting and messy. When we’re trying to find writing time in the middle of a busy and chaotic life, we’re often overwhelmed and it’s easy to get discouraged.

Sometimes we need to take a step back and break down the problem into smaller chunks that are manageable. When my son started putting together his new Lego kit, he took it one page at a time. Because he focused on a specific section, he could make slow but steady progress forward.

Likewise, I’ve found that when I break my novel down by scenes, I’m able to work better by focusing on one small section at a time. Whether in the first draft or in the editing phase, I’m less likely to feel overwhelmed. And when I’m discouraged about finding writing time, I can break that into smaller chunks too. I don’t have to wait until I have one full hour before I write. I can take 15 minutes. Those little pieces will all eventually add up.

On the long journey to publication, we can learn to take things one step at a time and not rush ahead of ourselves. If we try to skip steps, we may find ourselves with a shaky, crumbling story or a set of unnecessary rejections.

See Big: Keep the Larger Picture in View

While we need to work small, we also need to see big. We need to know what we’re aiming for, where we’re headed, what the final goal looks like. It’s easy while we’re in the midst of the daily grind to lose focus of the larger picture.

When my son was in the middle of piecing together 500 tiny blocks, he kept the big box right in front of him. Seeing the desired finished product gave him extra motivation during the hard times, especially when he was tempted to give up.

We’re wise to keep the end in sight too. That requires that we know what we’re aiming for. A friend recently asked me this question: “Why do you write?” It's a great question for each of us to answer. The surface answer for many writers might be, “Because I want to get published.” But then I'd ask, “But why do you want to get published?”

Publication is a worthy goal, but we need to dig deeper than that. If publication is still years and years in the distance, what keeps us writing? What will motivate us to write once we finally are published? In other words, what is the big picture reason we write?

Because stories burn inside us and we can’t hold them in? Because we want to offer hope to the hurting? Because we want to bring to life the heroes and stories of the past to a generation who needs to remember?

Those are just a few of my reasons for writing. What are yours? And are you working small but seeing big?

Can Writers Market Themselves Without Making Eyes Roll?

“Check it out! Another 5-Star review by one of my fabulous readers!” or “Publishers Weekly just called my book the best of the year!”

We’ve all seen authors leaving comments like that around cyberland and usually it evokes one primary response: eyeballs rolling into the back of our heads. We think, “Sheesh, they’re really tooting their own horns.”

Krista Phillips asked this question: The thing about marketing that scares me is this: I do NOT want to look prideful or egotistical. I have this fear that everyone will look at me and think I'm all snooty. . . How do you market yourself without making the eyes of those around you roll?

Krista’s question reflects an issue most of us struggle with: self-promotion. We know we’ll need to market our books. If we self-publish we’ll bear the brunt of the marketing. But even with traditional publication, authors are expected to participate in the marketing plan.

We tell ourselves that we’re only seeking the attention because we have to, because that’s the modern way of selling everything, because if we don’t, other authors are going to do a better job and draw people to their books. Then ours will be left sitting on the shelves.

But is there a way to engage in self-promotion without it coming across as sounding selfish, self-serving, and self-inflated? I’m at the beginning stages of promoting my debut book, which releases in about a month. So, I’m still learning a lot about what works and what doesn’t. But here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

Promotion often comes naturally out of the relationships we build.

Social media should be 90% (or more) about building relationships and 10% (or less) about mentioning our books. I’m more likely to buy a book from an author who uses social media to socialize, rather than from an author who uses social media to hit me over the head with the greatness of their books.

I’m not actively trying to sell my book. I haven’t had any contests to boost my pre-order sales. I rarely mention the book on Twitter or Facebook. And yet, people have expressed interest. Why? Because they’re getting to know me as an author.

When people like us as authors, they’re more willing and excited to give our books. In fact, Michelle Vasquez, a non-writer who reads my blog said this in a recent comment, “You already have a fan in me and I haven't even gotten a hold of your book yet!” (Thanks, Michelle!)

Maybe we can’t connect on a personal level with everyone in cyberland, but when we’re vulnerable and real, and when readers feel like they can relate to us, they’re much more willing to promote us.

Promotion works best when it comes from others.

When we take the time to develop genuine writer friendships, those friends will help promote us the most. They’ll be our biggest cheerleaders. I've found this to be an incredible blessing and benefit that's come out of using social media. We form a community that supports and promotes one another.

I’m also making use of interviews and guest posts. I’m not doing a traditional blog tour for my book release. Usually those kinds of tours end up being somewhat redundant, with everyone in the same circle of friends hosting the author and book and saying about the same thing. Instead, a large majority of my interviews and guest posts are in different places, hopefully reaching a new set of readers. It’s also another easy way I can let others showcase me, instead of having to shout out my own praises.

Promotion is received better when accompanied with genuine kindness.

In September I’ll be starting some more obvious hoopla for my debut book—countdown to the release date of Oct. 1. First of all, it’s an exciting time for me, and I want to share the wonderful memories with all my cyber friends. And secondly, I know it’s time to increase the buzz.

But in all the hoopla I don’t want to lose focus on the most important thing—friends, readers, and fellow writers. When we’re in the midst of promoting ourselves we can make sure we’re still looking out for the needs of others, promoting them, helping when appropriate, being a good listener, offering encouragement, etc.

“A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.” When we give out a genuinely sweet flavor, then it’s easier for everyone to swallow the medicine of our marketing efforts.

How about you? Have you ever rolled your eyes at someone’s marketing efforts? How do you think writers can engage in self-promotion without it coming across as selfish?

*Thanks to my sweet daughter for posing for the above picture. She has perfected the art of eye-rolling!

5 Ways Mama-Writers Can Foster Creativity in Kids

Every time I take all 5 of my kids out shopping, I invariably get a store clerk who says something like this, “Wow, are all these kids yours?” To which I always sweetly reply, “No, three of them are, but I kidnapped the other two while I was shopping.” Okay, not really. That’s only what I wish I could say! Usually I try to reply, “Yes they’re all mine and I’m totally blessed.”

I guess most people aren’t used to seeing a mom with 5 kids. They can’t believe someone would actually choose to have so many children. They raise their eyebrows and get that look in their eyes—the one that says, “You’re nuts.”

Then when people find out I have 5 kids AND I write books, they think I’m totally insane. Either that, or they think I’m superwoman with the ability to operate without any sleep.

One of the most common questions I get is, “How do you do it? How do you manage your large family and write books?”

I don’t claim to have all the answers. In fact, some days I don’t feel like I’m “managing” very well at all. And there are times when I grow weary of trying to juggle everything. It’s not easy. I really am NOT superwoman. But . . .

One of the things I think I’ve done right is this: I’ve fostered creativity in my kids. And when we have creative kids, they’re able to play and entertain themselves, without needing constant parental involvement. When kids can occupy themselves in healthy, creative ways, that gives us more time for mom-duties and writing-work.

Don’t get me wrong. My kids aren’t perfect. They aren’t out in the backyard building a space-shuttle out of shoe boxes. But here are a few of the things I’ve done to help them move toward creativity:

1. Emphasize that creativity is important.

We’ve always told our kids how much we value creativity in our family. When we see them being creative we make a point of telling them how much we like it. When kids live in an environment that encourages and recognizes creative efforts, then they’re likely to strive after it more.

2. Limit screen time.

My kids like movies and video games as much as the rest of the population. They also like cookies and candy. But that doesn’t mean I give them an unlimited supply. I want them to develop healthy eating habits—getting large doses of what’s best for their bodies and much smaller amounts of the junk-food. Same with their minds. I want to make sure they're getting enough healthy brain-food and not gorging themselves on fluffy mind-desserts.

3. Allow them plenty of down time.

Often we’re so busy running all over town taking our kids to great activities that they lose out on the opportunity to have endless hours spread out before them with nothing to do BUT be creative. Sometimes we have to let our kids get “bored” before they have the chance to find their creative bent. But they won't get bored (and subsequently creative) if we're too busy.

4. Give them the space and supplies to be creative.

I’ve filled a closet with baskets of all kinds of supplies—paints, beads, fabric scraps, stamps, stickers, etc. Yes, my kids often make a mess (and I’m challenged to help them learn how to clean up after themselves!), but they have the freedom to create in any way they desire. From books to toys, from bedrooms to basement, we’ve worked to surround our kids with an environment that beckons them to live creatively.

5. Challenge them to use their imaginations.

Even with all the right supplies and the most creative toys, our children have to take that next step to use their imagination, to engage in the act of visualizing, participating, and pretending. Sometimes we can prompt them with “what if” scenarios that help spark their own ideas. Sometimes they can draw inspiration from movies or books. Recently my daughters watched Hotel For Dogs. Then afterward, they created a “hotel” for their stuffed animals with all their own inventions and services for their “pets.”

All of us want creative kids, who grow up with the capability to pursue their dreams. By nurturing creativity within them, we not only help them achieve more, but in the process, as they’re occupied with their interests and pursuits, then we’re able to achieve more too!

What other ways can parents foster creativity in their children? Do you find that when your children are creatively occupied that frees you up for more work time?

Three Attitudes That Can Help in the Quest for Publication

What I Learned About Life & Writing From . . . Pies

My thirteen year old son was learning how to make pies. I must confess, I'm completely inept at pie-making—especially when it comes to the crust. By the time I finish rolling out the dough, I usually end up with something that looks like a misshaped piece of Swiss cheese.

So, as my son experimented with a chocolate fudge pie, I certainly wasn’t the one to give him expert advice. I pulled out the recipe, made sure he knew where the ingredients were, and left for my day of writing at the library (leaving his pie-making endeavors under the supervision of my equally pie-challenged husband).

When I got home later, two finished pies sat on the counter. It didn’t matter that chocolate was smudged on cabinet doors or that flour caked the floor. I was proud of my son for tackling such a big challenge and completing the task.

I bit into a piece of pie after dinner and savored the smooth fudgy taste. But as I chewed, another stronger flavor soon overpowered everything else. Salt.

“How much salt did you use,” I asked casually, trying not to grimace.

“One teaspoon, just like the recipe called for,” he said, shoveling forkfuls into his mouth in typical 13-year-old-boy fashion, blissfully unconcerned that his pie was more salty than sweet.

“Do you think you accidentally used a tablespoon?”

He stopped, his fork poised mid-air. Then he grinned. “Ooops.”

Getting the right ingredients is important—especially if we're aiming for success. And in our writing, having the right ingredients is critical too—not only in our stories, but also in our attitudes. When I look at the characteristics that have helped me most in my quest for publication, here are the top three:

1. Humility

A teachable spirit. The willingness to learn. The humbleness to admit we have room to improve. If we hold on to our stories and words too tightly, if we aren’t willing to see where we’ve gone wrong, if we think that our creativity reigns superior, then it’s possible we’ll miss out on success. There are very few of us who are truly born with writerly genius. The vast majority of us have to learn to write the hard way. Those of us who are open to correction and who are willing to learn from our mistakes are the ones who will come out further ahead.

2. Endurance

We need to have a long term vision and consciously decide we’re in this for the long haul. It’s not a sprint. It’s a grueling marathon. Writer’s who don’t have incredible perseverance, patience, and self-discipline won’t last the distance. But those who put their heads down, grit their teeth, and keep going, they’ll be stronger for it. Yes, writing can be fun and bring us joy, but during the time when it’s not, we keep going anyway.

3. Resilience

We’re going to face obstacles that sock us in the gut, knock us to the ground, and squeeze the air from our lungs. It could be the daily frustration of trying to find writing time amidst the busy chaos of real life. Or it could be the brutal critique we receive on a beloved manuscript. We can’t let the discouragements and difficulties flatten us forever. Those who hope to succeed have to peel themselves off the ground, brush off the dirt, and keep writing.

If we want a slice of the publication pie, we have to stir in the right ingredients. We need to have a balanced combination of all the above characteristics. If we’re missing one, but too heavy on another, we may lose out on the chance to taste the sweetness of publication.

Are you cultivating the kinds of attitudes that will lead to publication? Do you have enough humility, endurance, and resilience? What other characteristics have helped you to succeed?

8 Ways Writers Can Push Themselves To Grow

I’m always surprised when I run across other writers who turn up their noses at the idea of learning more about the basics of fiction-writing. Yes, I definitely think that we grow by writing—and in fact, can’t grow without LOTS and LOTS of writing.

But. . . we could complete book after book and still not take our writing skill to the next level. We could quite possibly fill our shelves with stories that never exhibit any significant growth from one book to the next. In other words, the process of writing itself is never a guarantee that we'll grow.

If we go back to the writing-college analogy I used in the last post, turning up our noses at learning would be like saying we want to remain a freshman year after year. I’m convinced that if we want to get to graduation-level writing, we have to intentionally find areas where we’re weak, consciously look for new skills we can incorporate, and challenge ourselves to painful growth. It’s out of determined efforts to stretch ourselves that we eventually begin to move toward publishable-quality writing.

Sometimes writers get frustrated with traditional publication and the doors that keep closing on them. Instead of persevering toward maturity in their writing skills and pushing themselves to grow, they may seek out self-publication. Now, I'm not saying that's why everyone chooses to self-publish or that all self-published authors have immature writing skills. But I am saying we need to take a closer look at why traditional doors are closing, and it's often because our writing isn't ready.

Here are 8 ways we can challenge ourselves to grow. (The first five have helped me the most.)

1. Get quality critiques. Every critique helps me get a glimpse of my weaknesses. For example after one critique, I learned I was weak in adding sensory details to every scene. Another helped me realize I needed to improve in maximizing scene tension. A good critique will show us something—usually many things—that we can work on. I try to pick several key techniques to practice in my next novel.

2. Read and study books within our genres. Most writers read voraciously. We can try to get a feel for what’s popular within our genres and particularly with authors we admire. But we can also look at what makes those stories work. What draws us in? What makes us like the characters? What holds us to the end?

3. Devour writing craft books. This is probably the way I’ve grown the most over the years. I read book after book, borrowing most through the library. When I wanted to learn how to write by scenes, I read those books. To learn to plot better, I scoured plot books. As I attempted to write better dialog, I checked out dialog books. Some writing books provide inspiration. But we have to delve into technique if we want to grow. That doesn’t mean we have to agree with everything we read, but we can always discover new ideas to try. (Check out my sidebar for my favorites and the Helpful Writing Books link.)

4. Take lots of notes and review them frequently. I keep notes on index cards. When I read something helpful on a blog post, I jot it down on a card. When I find something in a book that I want to practice, I make a note. I pull out those cards, review them regularly, and they remind me of the things I need to work on most.

5. Discipline ourselves to write consistently. And practice what we're learning. Sometimes we have to slow our writing process down, at least temporarily, while we add in a new skill or two. For some writers, maybe the conscious learning happens in the rewrite process. But the point is, we eventually have to take that head knowledge and let it shape the words we write.

6. Read writing-related blogs. Most writers reading this post are probably already well on their way to searching out helpful blogs. We can learn a tremendous amount, but sometimes it’s also downright overwhelming. Several bloggers do weekly round-ups summarizing the best blog posts of the week. One of the most thorough, with links to dozens of articles for every type of writer, is by Adventures In Children's Publishing. (Check out their round-up every Friday.)

7. Take online writing courses. There are great webinars to choose from, classes, conferences—some for free and all from the comfort of our homes. Writer’s Digest.com consistently offers a variety of courses. My agent, Rachelle Gardner, led a WD's webinar last week about how to hook an agent or editor with a query. Take a look at their online events page for future webinars.

8. Attend a local or national conference. Conferences are a great place to connect with other writers and to build important friendships. But because of the socializing, I have a hard time focusing on workshops and learning. That’s not to say writers can’t learn at conferences, but I’ve found I can learn the same information in books most of the time. I love conferences, don’t get me wrong! But if the top reason for going is to grow in writing skills, there are much cheaper ways to learn.

From the list I've given, what would you say has helped you to grow the most? Are there other ways writers can grow that I’ve missed? Please share!

How Can Writers Know if Their Writing Is Ready For Querying?

We spend months laboring over a book trying to perfect it. One day we push away from our laptops, stare at the last page, and get a nervous flutter in our stomachs. Is our precious book finally ready to face the brutal world of agents and editors?

Julie Musil asked: "How did you know your manuscript was ready before querying?"

Her question echoes that of most writers who finish a book. How can we know when our manuscript is really ready to query. We don’t want to send it out too soon. But we also don’t want to let fear hold us back. Is there a way to know for certain if our manuscript is at a point where it will garner the attention we so desperately want?

What I’m learning is that it’s usually incredibly difficult, if not impossible, for a writer to determine the worth of their own manuscript, with their own subjective eyes. Case in point, I recently turned in my second contracted book to my publisher, and I thought it was the best book I’d ever written. Their verdict? It’s sludge. Rewrite major portions of it.

Most of the time, writers have an inflated opinion of their work, like I did. Very few of us hit the send key and say, “Well, there goes that piece of junk. I just know no one is going to like it.” Instead we hold our breaths and check our inbox every few minutes, wondering when the bidding war will start.

Agent Chip MacGregor said this: “As an agent, I see hundreds of manuscripts every year that I reject for representation. Nearly all of these are rejected for one basic reason: the writer simply isn’t good enough. The ideas may be interesting, and the marketing may be slick, but the authors simply aren’t good enough to publish.”

None of us want to fall into that category of “simply aren’t good enough to publish.” So, how can we make sure we’re sending out our queries at the right time? Here are just a few of my thoughts:

Get two or more qualified and objective critiques on our books first.

The feedback must come from someone who isn’t afraid to tell us exactly what they think (hopefully in a kind way). And that someone needs to be knowledgeable about the craft of writing, preferably another writer or editor at our level or beyond.

Often critique partners don’t feel comfortable sharing their truest thoughts. If we want a deeply honest critique, then we can say upfront, “I give you permission to tell me exactly what doesn’t work. Please be completely truthful, even if it’s painful for me.” Then our critiquers will know we’re teachable which gives them more freedom to share openly and objectively.

Make sure we’ve made good strides toward mastering basic fiction-writing techniques.

As I’ve critiqued for contests and for other writers, I’ve been surprised at how easily I can distinguish where writers are at in their writing skills. Some are at a freshman level in the college of writing. Some fall in the middle—not struggling with beginner mistakes, but still needing to mature. Others are seniors and ready for graduation.

Writers must gain mastery over the way they string words together and bring a story to life. Our plots and characters don’t necessarily have to be perfect for us to garner the attention of an agent or editor. Most authors have to make rewrites for their publisher once they’re contracted. But. . . we have to reach a place where our writing skills aren’t inhibiting the story-telling. (In the next post, I’ll share specific ways I’ve challenged myself to grow as a writer.)

Expect that agents and editors will be the gatekeepers.

If we’re getting positive feedback from critiques, and if we’ve moved to a senior level in our writing skill, then we’re probably at a place where we can begin to query with confidence.

And yet, ultimately, in the set-up of the current traditional publishing system, agents and editors act as the final gatekeepers. If we consistently get no response, form rejections, or a “no thanks” of some form, then that’s probably another indication we may not be quite as ready as we thought. (Or that perhaps our story doesn’t have a fit in today’s market.)

From what I’ve seen, most writers who reach a publishable place in their writing skills will eventually get picked up by an agent, even if their stories still need work. It may take many months of persistent querying, but usually agents and editors can pick out writers who’ve worked to hone their writing skills and story-telling ability.

That's my opinion! Now it's your turn! How did you know when you were ready to query? And if you haven’t queried yet, what tests do you plan to use to help you know when to start?

How Important is Blogging For Unpublished Writers?

At some point in our writing careers, most of us will feel the pressure to blog. I’m not really sure where that pressure comes from. Maybe there are some agents and editors who tell us it’s important. Or maybe we hear that writers should develop a web presence and then we think that means we should blog. Or perhaps everyone else and their brother is blogging, and so we think we should too.

Whatever the case, many of us jump into blogging long before we have an agent or publishing contract. But secretly we can’t help wondering if blogging is really necessary for unpublished writers. After all, it’s one of the most time-consuming of the social media outlets. If we’re going to start building a web presence, does it need to include blogging?

I loved this question by Brenda: "How important is blogging for someone who isn't yet published? I think I'm spending more time on blogging than I am on writing my novel. Am I putting the cart before the horse when I blog before my book is finished?"

As always, I can only share from my experiences and from what’s helped me. My journey isn’t a one-size-fits-all. Everyone needs to forge their own unique path and find out what works for them. With that said, here are a few of my thoughts:

Blogging won’t get us an agent or book deal.

Okay, maybe one or two writers out there somewhere have actually landed book deals because of their fabulous blogs and the fact that they have 30,000 visitors a month. But. . . the majority of our blogs aren’t going to be pivotal in sealing any deals.

When I landed my agent and my book contract, my blog following was still pretty small. And my daily visitor count wasn’t even worth mentioning. Of course I made sure my blog was as professional as possible so that any interested agents or editors could see that I took my writing career seriously. But ultimately, my blog had nothing to do with getting my agent or contract.

If blogging is taking away from writing time, then we need to cut back.

Yes, if we’re spending more time on blogging than working on our books or stories, then we need to cut back. As I mentioned, blogging won’t garner us book deals. Only a stellar story will do that. So, if we’re not putting our best energy and effort into our novels, then we may be working at building a platform we won’t ever get to use.

Notice I said cut back, not stop. If we’re seriously pursuing publication, then we’ll want to have a “home office” in cyberland, and for many unpublished writers a blog is that place (instead of a website). If we’re trying to maintain a professional blog, then sporadic, inconsistent posting won’t help.

I suggest picking a schedule, posting it on our blogs, and sticking to it. Some writers choose once a week and others twice. Because my writing career is at a hot spot, I’ve decided to continue with posting three times a week. But I honestly don’t think there are too many of us that need to post more often than that.

Blogging can promote community, but we have to know when to jump in and how deep.

I didn’t start my blog until after I’d been querying for many months. Before that I was content to observe from the sidelines and absorb all I could. In hindsight, I’m glad that during those growing years, I could focus solely on writing books and learning the basics of how to craft stories.

I personally think that when newer writers jump into blogging too soon and too furiously, they risk the chance of burning out. They’re trying to juggle the unnecessary pressure of building a platform too early in their careers instead of focusing on building their writing skills.

~My Summary: A well written book is THE most important thing for a writer’s career. We hear it all the time, but I’m currently learning that firsthand. Early reviews of The Preacher’s Bride are beginning to show up throughout cyberland. So far those favorable reviews are helping push my book into the spotlight in a variety of ways (book clubs picking it up, front page spots, etc.).

My blog won’t influence those reviewers. Only the book itself can do the impressing. Let's make sure to keep the horse before the cart.

What about you? How important do you think blogging is for unpublished writers? Are you feeling unnecessary pressure to blog, perhaps even burnout? What can you do to make sure your writing stays top priority?

If you want an additional opinion about blogging, agent Mary Kole at Kidlit.com recently had an interesting article: Do Unpublished Writers Have to Blog.

Common Excuses For Not Using Social Media

Last week I was emailing back and forth with a real-life friend. We’d both gotten busy in our lives and hadn’t been able to spend as much time together, so I off-handedly suggested we stay in touch via Facebook. She quickly dismissed the idea, saying she “doesn’t have time” for it.

I didn’t push her even though I thought it would be a great way for us to stay more connected between the times we’re able to chat face to face. In fact that’s one of the things I really like about my personal Facebook account, staying in better touch with real life friends.

My email conversation with this friend got me thinking, however, about the excuses we often make for not trying new things. My friend isn’t a writer and obviously doesn’t have the same motivation for branching into social media that a writer pursuing publication would. In fact, I respect her choice. Not everyone is going to like or want to connect through social media avenues.

And yet, I often I hear excuses from writers seriously pursuing publication. Here are just a few of the most common excuses I’ve heard:

Excuse #1: “It’s just not my thing.”

Any time we start something unfamiliar, it takes a while before we get the hang of it. We shouldn’t let the frustrations of setting up accounts and learning how things work prevent us from dipping our toes in the water.

Remember the first time we tried using a computer or the internet? They were strange, cumbersome, and often frustrating. But most of us now have laptops surgically embedded to our fingertips, and we run to the internet every time we need information about anything.

If we’re serious about a writing career, then we have to be willing to step out of our comfort zones. As technology continues to advance, we’ll need to challenge ourselves to branch out and give new ideas a shot.

Excuse #2: “I don’t have time.”

When my friend said she didn’t have time for facebook, was she implying that I did? That she was busier than me? Or was she hinting that I’m wasting my time using social media, time I could devote to other more worthy causes?

The bottom line is that there are very few of us that have much time. I'm probably just as busy as anyone else. But we can make the time if we want, especially for the things we feel are important. Perhaps the “I don’t have time” excuse stems more from a fear of mishandling time, the knowledge that we’re weak in self-discipline, and that if we add one more social media outlet, we’ll get sucked in too far. Then the issue becomes knowing how to set appropriate boundaries—the same way we must for everything (including eating, TV viewing, etc).

Excuse #3: “I’ve tried Twitter (etc.) and I didn’t benefit from using it.

If we don’t think we’re benefitting, then perhaps we need to re-evaluate exactly what we’re defining as the “benefit.” More sales? More recognition? If we’re attempting to use social media in the traditional marketing format, we won’t get much out of it. In fact, we’ll probably risk alienating our followers.

Instead, we need to get a better grasp on successful social media strategies. As I’ve said plenty of times on my blog, social media is ALL about being social. To make the most of twitter, facebook, and blogging, writers need to understand that relationships drive the success or lack-thereof.

~Obviously, like my real-life friend, there are some writers who just don’t want to use social media. However an online presence is an increasingly important aspect of the future of publishing. When a writer reaches a point in their writing careers when they’re seriously pursuing publication (at the querying stage or beyond), then they need consider long and hard whether they have a truly legitimate reason before saying “no.”

What do you think of the excuses? Have you ever used one or heard someone else offer one as a reason for not being willing to try social media? What do you think constitutes a legitimate reason for NOT using social media?

Why an Online Presence Can Help Every Kind of Writer

Writers are told to get online because that’s where the population is hanging out, and that’s where we’ll engage our readers. But what about those who write for children? Most children aren’t blog hopping or hanging out on Twitter. My six year old sure isn’t. Other than playing Webkinz occasionally, he doesn’t have much interest in the internet.

Rachna Chhabria asked this great question: How does blogging or online interactions help writers who write Middle Grade, Chapter, Picture Books, or Early Readers? How do these writers connect with their readers who will be in school?

I think the heart of Rachna’s question is this: Children’s writers usually aren’t going to connect with their readership online. So, does a web presence really matter for them?

If done correctly, I think an online presence can help every kind of writer—no matter their genre. And here are several reasons why:

1. When we actively and genuinely participate in online communities, we gain a team.

Some call it a “tribe.” I personally favor “team.” We’re all in the game together and we’re cheering one another on. When one person succeeds in landing an agent, we rush over to congratulate her because we know what an accomplishment that is. When a friend lands a book deal, we set off cyber fireworks .

We become invested in seeing our teammates succeed, no matter their genre. In the long run, the people on our team will be our strongest supporters and promoters. And ultimately promotion is more successful when it comes from the mouth of another rather than our own.

2. The friendships we form online can lead to further opportunities.

As we begin to develop a web presence, those connections often lead to new opportunities. For example, I have a list of online interviews and guest posts lined up over the next several months during the release of my debut book. Almost all of them are from people who offered to host me. I didn’t have to go knocking on cyber doors trying to sell myself and asking for interviews. An online presence can open doors in a natural way.

3. “Word of mouth has become World of mouth.”

We’ve all heard it said, “Word of mouth is the best marketing.” One person raves about a book to five friends, who then each tell five more, and the numbers begin to spiral exponentially. Internet connections make this sharing possible on a worldwide spectrum in a much faster way. People around the world already know about The Preacher’s Bride, even before publication because of the power of the internet.

4. Maybe we won’t mingle with our readers directly, but the indirect connections can still have an impact.

Not all my internet friends are fans of inspirational historical romance. But some online friends have told me they’re buying my book for their moms, or wives, or friends who like the genre I write. In other words, maybe not all my friends will read The Preacher’s Bride the moment it comes off the press, but they’ll still be able to talk about me as an author and recommend my book to others who DO like my genre. And the same is true of children & youth books, maybe even more so, because usually parents are the ones buying the books for their kids.

5. In online marketing, relationships count the most.

In We Are Not Alone: The Writer’s Guide for Social Media, author Kristin Lamb says this: “Social media will capitalize on what is known as relationship sales. People will generally buy your book not because they are being pitched to and hounded, but because they know you and it makes them feel good to support who they know.”

Kristin’s statement is true for me. I’ve purchased books of authors I’ve met online for no other reason than because I like them and want to support them. When an author is genuine, approachable, and kind, we’re drawn to them even more. Likewise, when they’re cold and distant, using social media as a billboard for their glory, we’re often less likely to want to support them.

My Summary: The key to social media success doesn’t rest upon the genre we write. Whether we’re writing picture books or memoirs, science fiction or cookbooks—online success has to do with being able to harness and use social media outlets effectively.

What are your thoughts? Do you think a web presence can help any author if done correctly? Or do you think there are some writers—like children’s—who won’t benefit as much from developing a web presence?

Three Tests That Can Help Us Handle Difficult Feedback

I had a two hour phone call with my editor from Bethany House last week about all of the changes I’ll need to make on Book 2. Fortunately, I’d already gotten an email indicating that my book would need some major rewrites. So during the phone call I could listen to the feedback without falling apart. (I saved the melt down for later when I was on the phone with my mom!)

You might be wondering like I was, what did they find wrong? They’d approved my synopsis and given me the green light on the story. So what needed changing, especially in such a significant way? And how would I decide what I was willing to change and what I’d fight to keep?

When we’re given challenging feedback, how do any of us know when to accept the feedback and when to stick with our gut? After all, so much of writing is subjective. What one person likes another may not.

Here are three tests I’m using for handling my difficult feedback.

1. Know the source of the feedback.

When I turned in my book to Bethany House, six different people read and critiqued it (including my two primary editors). Then my editors had a meeting to discuss the various concerns everyone had, bounce ideas off one another, and decide what things were most important to change.

The people who critiqued my book are not only editing experts, but they also have their pulse on the inspirational historical romance market—especially what kinds of characters and stories fans like. They want to help me shape my book into something readers will fall in love with.

How can I argue with industry experts? How can I disagree with six people?

Here are a few questions we can ask ourselves: What’s the level of expertise of the critiquer? How many people are saying the same thing? Do they have our long term best interest in mind? How well do they know our specific genre and market?

2. Look at where we’re at in our writing careers.

I consider myself a fairly young author. Even though I’ve been writing for years and growing in my skill, I still have a lot learn about writing for publication versus writing purely for personal satisfaction. There’s a huge difference (and I'll have to tackle that subject in a different post!).

I’ve learned that a traditional publishing house invests an enormous of time and money into publishing one little book like mine. Since they’re making such a big investment, they have to make decisions about each book with extreme care. I need to trust their judgment about what is going to make my book more salable.

I’m far from a brand name. I have so much yet to learn about what appeals to readers. And I have still have a long way to go before I move from an average writer to a great one. I’m not at a place in my writing career where “I know better” and therefore I don’t have the right to demand my own way. I’m not sure that I ever will.

Here are a few questions we can ask ourselves: Do I have a teachable spirit? What can I learn from the critique? Maybe I don’t agree with everything, but what's the heart of the feedback? What things are most important to me, and can I hang onto the essence of what's important but still make the changes?

3. Have a really GOOD reason before deciding not to change something.

I want to stay true to my writer's voice. I don’t want others to shape me into something I’m not. However that means I need to have some idea what my emerging voice sounds like (or “personality on the page” as Agent Chip MacGregor calls it).

If we're confident in our writing style, then hopefully we can learn to integrate the changes into our stories but still stay true to our personalities on the page. And if I’m confident, I’ll be open to each suggestion, weighing them carefully, and making sure I have a good reason before rejecting them.

Under-valuing our voice can make us wishy-washy with the changes. Overconfidence can lead us to reject help too quickly. But having the right amount of confidence in our unique voice can help us know what to keep and what to let go of.

Here are a few things we can ask ourselves: Do I recognize my voice well enough to know if the change will stifle it or make it clearer? Am I giving enough consideration to each suggestion or am I passing over them too quickly?

What about you? When you’re given challenging feedback, how do you decide which advice to take or leave? What kinds of questions do you ask yourself? Do you use any of the three tests I've listed?

The Pain of Rejection Never Gets Easier

Even though most writers know that rejection is part of the process of publication, we still feel the sting of it deeply. Every time. And honestly, it never gets easier. At least for me.

We often think of rejection in terms of getting a “no thanks” on a query or manuscript we sent to an agent or publisher. But the longer I’m on the path to publication, the more I realize rejection can come in many different ways and from many sources. And it always hurts, no matter where we’re at in the process.

As I mentioned in the last post, my publisher Bethany House gave me their feedback on Book 2 of my contract. It was incredibly difficult to hear they didn’t like the way I’d developed the story. In my head I realize my publisher only wants to make my book as saleable as possible, but in my heart, the feedback felt an awful lot like rejection.

I may have been slightly naive to believe I’d be immune to rejection or that it wouldn’t hurt quite as much once I finally got a book contract. But I was wrong. Whether it’s the first form rejection we receive on the first book we query, or it’s a “this-book-isn’t-going-to-work-for-us” rejection that I recently received, the pain punches us in the gut and knocks the breath from us.

We can take some small measure of twisted comfort in knowing we’re not alone, that rejection is as natural to a writer’s life as a thunderstorm in summer. But even when we know we’re not alone, how can we ease the pain that comes with rejection? Is there even a way?

After my most recent rejection, here are the thoughts I jotted down:

Rejection puts life in perspective.

The night after getting my rejection, I stopped and said to myself, “Am I missing out on too much of life because of the time I devote to my writing career?” Life happens in a blink. And I don’t want it to pass by with the regret that I didn’t take more time for the things that matter most. What can I do to make sure I’m slowing down?

Rejection keeps us humble.

Rejections are the quickest way to eliminate my pesky pride. If I succeeded at everything, if I never failed, and if I never got stinging criticism, I’d hate to see the size of my ego. The criticisms or painful realities never fail to prick a pin into that ego right about the time everything seems wonderful. Then pop! I’m back to realizing I’m just an average, ordinary writer.

Rejection reminds us that pursuing publication is NOT for the faint of heart.

The plain and simple truth is that pursuing publication is more difficult than anyone ever tells us. Or maybe they do mention it, but for some deluded reason we believe it will be easier for us. I had to ask myself, “Am I really cut out for this? Can I keep taking this kind of rejection book after book?” If we can’t take rejection, then we probably need to go back to writing stories for personal pleasure rather than publication.

Rejection shows us that we can’t please everyone.

There will always be someone who can find something they don’t like about our books. I won’t please everyone. So then, who should we please? We obviously can’t just think about ourselves and what we want. We have to be open to the suggestions of others. But who should we listen to? And how much should we be willing to change to please others?

In the next post, I’ll attempt to tackle those questions and share more details about how I’m handling my rewrites on Book 2.

For today, I’d love to commiserate about rejection and know I’m not alone in the pain of it! Have you been rejected recently? How did you handle it? What lessons have you learned or are you learning from the process?

*Influencer Update: Thanks to all who signed up to be Influencers for The Preacher's Bride! Bethany House will mail your free copy of the book in early September. They're giving me 50 MORE influencer copies than I'd originally realized! So, if you haven't signed up yet and you're interested in getting a book, please send me an email with your mailing address (use my Contact page). And if you don't know what it means to influence, Bethany House has some great ideas here: Influencer Tips.

It was a glorious day. I was basking in all the love and encouragement from blog readers. My inbox was filled with wonderful comments about my new website and redecorated blog. I was beginning to get positive reviews on The Preacher’s Bride. In fact I’d just read a write-up on Christianbook.com Fiction Blog that made my heart smile.

The writer’s life was looking pretty good. All that hard work was paying off. I could take a breather and enjoy the view from the top for a little while.

Just as I was getting comfortable with a fresh cup of coffee and clicking through the pages of my lovely new website for the hundredth time, I got an email from my editor at Bethany House. He wanted to arrange a phone call to discuss Book 2 which I’d turned in a month ago, and he said, “We’ll be talking about a pretty significant rewrite, but I’m confident it’s a rewrite you’ll be able to make shine.”

In a matter of a few seconds, I plummeted off the high peak I’d been standing upon. And I crash-landed into a deep cavern. Darkness swept away the bright joy I’d felt only moments earlier.

“Significant rewrite?” What did that mean?

Surely he was mistaken. Book 2 was my newest love. It was the best book I’d written yet (or so I’d thought!). I’d spent months working on it, sacrificing my time, pouring my heart into it. In fact, Book 2 made The Preacher’s Bride look somewhat dull. And now my precious Book 2 would need a significant rewrite? Why? What had gone wrong?

Crushed, I struggled to hold back the tears.

I’d gone from one incredibly high moment to one very low one. All in the same day.

My experience is fairly typical, isn’t it? Maybe the see-saw of emotions doesn’t happen the same day or even the same week. But we’ve all had those really high moments where we’re feeling on top of the world. Then something happens that topples us into the pit.

We might win a contest then fail to garner the attention of an agent. We get great feedback from one critique partner, but another can’t seem to find anything right. We have an agent ask to see more of our manuscript, but we don’t hear back from her for months. Perhaps an editor takes our book to committee, but then nothing happens.

We crave the praise, want the validation we’re doing something right. In fact, we even need that encouragement to spur us forward on the difficult writer’s journey. In some ways, the illumination from the positive is what gives us the light we need to walk through the dark cave of the negative times.

My wise mother recently gave me some advice. She told me that there will always be really high praise and then also the really negative. It’s best to discard both and take what’s in the middle. The really highs and the really lows are often the exaggerations, the extremes, the ones that will either flatter us too much or bring unnecessary discouragement.

And I think the same is true of our mountain top experiences and low valleys. We should guard against the extremes. It’s easy for us to let our hopes soar too high or to let the negatives push us down too far.

Here are just a few things I’m telling myself as I try to navigate the highs and lows of the writer’s life:

*Remember the path leads through both valleys and peaks. I can’t get to the next peak without going through the valley first. Isn’t that true of writing and life?

*Stand up straight and keep walking. When I’m in the valley I can look back at the past peak to remind myself of where I’ve been to give me incentive. But ultimately, I have to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward, even if the next high point isn’t in sight yet.

*Share the journey with a few who understand. Not everyone is going to be able to come along side us, but hopefully we can find friends we can trust, those willing to hear our greatest fears and highest joys, those who encourage us, but also help us stay grounded.

How’s your writing journey been lately? Have you had to weather the extreme highs and the discouraging lows? What helps you navigate through them?

*And the winner of last week’s new website party contest is: Susan J. Reinhardt! Congratulations, Susan! Thanks to EVERYONE for the delicioius treats and gifts you brought to the party! You were all SO kind! And a big thank you to my sweet daughter who wrote out names, put them in a bowl, and drew the winner.