In the dark of the night, snuggled under a pile of blankets, I shiver. My husband reaches out and combs his fingers through my hair. "What's wrong?" he whispers.I take a deep breath and try to expel the panic pushing against my chest--but it's stuck. I whisper a prayer and attempt to still the whirls of never-ending thoughts--but they won't rest.
"What if I can't do this?" I finally whisper back.
Without saying what this is, he knows. This is the life of a contracted writer--the new deadlines, the pressure of rewrites, the stresses of the "what if's" . . .
What if I turn in my rewrites and my editors don't like the way I've reshaped the ending? Or what if I didn't change my hero's arc enough or clarify the political situation to their satisfaction? What if I have to do more rewriting?
What if it's not good enough? Will I disappoint the people who read it? Will my friends roll their eyes and silently question how I ever got a contract?
How will I be able to keep up with the marketing and platform building? How should I develop my web site, book trailer, and other things to promote my book?
In the end, what if I let down my agent and the editors who are investing so much into me?
The insecurities won't leave me, especially in the silent hours of the night. The doubts haunt me and shove sleep to the far reaches of my mind.
My husband quietly listens to my out-pouring of fear, tenderly stroking my hair. He offers no platitudes or reassurances. This is new to both of us. But somehow in the telling, in the sharing, I know I'm not alone in the venture.
I'm not alone. . . We all face insecurities in this writing life. Is our writing good enough? Will we ever get an agent? Will our book make it through pub committee? The insecurities never end. I imagine that even when we're published, the doubts will continue to stalk us. Will we earn out our advance? Will readers like our next book? Will we get another contract?
I have no easy answer for how to dispel the insecurities. Perhaps that's the topic of a future blog post after I've traversed the writing path a while longer. For today, all I can do is remind myself I'm not alone. And let those insecurities push me to work harder and strive to do the best I possibly can.
What about you? What insecurities are haunting you lately? And how do you overcome them?
I know exactly how you feel! I think I quit writing at least once a week because I become so discouraged, angry, frustrated, depressed, etc., etc.. I convince myself this will never happen so why prolong the agony. I tell myself that I'm not a writer and pursuing something I'm not meant to pursue is only going to end in disaster.
ReplyDeleteThen, encouragement comes. And it comes in the oddest ways and from the oddest places. That is when I smile because I know God wants me to write. He nudges me along, keeps me at it but doesn't reveal what He doesn't want me to know yet.
The best part is, those who encourage don't even realize they are doing it and will be greatly rewarded. Isn't it amazing how God works?
So why, when we know we were born to do this, do we continue to pull an Elijah and fall deep into depression after our triumphs? Why can't we just claim this gift and hold on to it?
M.J. Macie
http://m-j-macie.blogspot.com
First... wow, just reading that makes me want to read your book, Jody. What a sweet, sweet image... well,e xcept for the insecurities part. *grin*
ReplyDeleteBut, I'm totally with you there. Almost weekly I question what I'm doing. Am I wasting my time? My families time? My money? Is this all for naught? Am I an absolute idiot to think I could actually do this? Will an agent and publisher EVER like my stuff?
But GOd always reminds me that it's not the end that I should look towards, it's the now. It's obeying God in what I'm doing right this moment... and he's told me to write. So even if nothing comes of it, I'm doing what God wants in this moment, and THAT'S what matters.
I think my biggest insecurity is that I'm taking precious time away from my family for a dream that will never materialize. Or that I'll never make enough money to validate myself as a writer (Somehow my accountant brain feels like this is a threshold of validation).
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this morning, girls! I'm so encouraged already from your comments! It's SO good to know I truly am not alone in my insecurities!
ReplyDeleteAnd Sarah, I still struggle with the insecurity that I'm taking time away from my family too. I think that will always be a battle.
Oh Jody. There is sooo much to look forward to, and sooo much to fear. Talk about contrast. UGH.
ReplyDeleteBut.
Nothing worth having comes easy. So that's what my dad meant. YIKES!
I will probably be as nervous as you are about all this. I know you WILL do this and so will I and we will do it RIGHT.
But insecurity is POTENT. So we have to remind ourselves that we CAN do this with God's help. He wouldn't have given us this talent, if we weren't supposed to use it.
Fantastic post. I think you and I were on the same wavelength.
Thanks for writing this. It's nice to know I'm NOT alone. :)
Ha, well, I'm definitely dealing with insecurities. I just told my writer friend that everytime I sit down to write, it looks like a dud. My writing, that is. Grrr... I'm not sure how to get past the insecurities, except to try hard to do my very best and to trust God to shape me and my writing into something lovely for him.
ReplyDeleteYou're so not alone about disappointing your agent. I have a friend who goes through this too. I'm hoping you have a peaceful, productive day today!
And whether I like the writing or not, I would never begrudge someone their contract. It takes a tremendous amount of work to get pubbed, not to mention a whole bunch of people who believe in your story. :-) I can't wait to read it!
I'm right there with you, Jody. Those were words I could reach for but never hope to grasp. Prayer and community seem to work for me, both of which I suspect I need more of.
ReplyDeleteThat's the scariest post you've every written, Jody! (Well, except, your husband sounds super sweet.) But I had a minor breakdown of insecurities last night, as my wonderful critique partner can attest to, and I'm really scared of the future insecurities that still await.
ReplyDeleteI ask this question a lot: "How can writers do what they do with out faith and prayer?" I don't think I could.
I think anyone involved in a creative occupation experiences those doubts. The inner critic needs to be stifled. We are good enough, we have agents or people have bought our work. People who see the potential in our work and encourage us.
ReplyDeleteThis seems to be the topic of the day! Did you girls all collaborate? Did you read my mind?
ReplyDeleteI'm about to finish my second novel and I am full of insecurities. Will this one make the cut? Did I do enough to show I've learned the craft? Is there enough tension to keep people reading? How am I going to come up with a new query?
It doesn't matter which part of this journey we are on, each path is paved with insecurities. You are definitely not alone.
Now about overcoming them, if you figure that out will you please let me know!
Jody, with you too from here. But I have to say, what struck me most here was the love of your husband. You are so blessed! And honestly, that rises above all else. You are not alone. In this, or anything else. I think that is what God is trying to help you see, beyond the writing and all of the excitement and fear...is God, as evidenced through your husband's love first off...waiting to love you, to draw you closer, however that might happen. You are moving toward Him in this process, Jody. That's it -- the point of the journey, and all of the unknowns and worries and wondering. You're getting closer to reaching God's arms of unconditional love and total acceptance.
ReplyDeleteJody,
ReplyDeleteI'd say "been there," but I'm still there. My first two novels were already written when they were accepted. But now I have an obligation for a novel that lives only in my brain and partially on my hard drive. It's something for which every writer lives, yet every writer dreads.
Read some of the books on writing--Jim Bell, Ann Lamott, Lawrence Block, and others--and you'll see that this is common to all writers. It's a daily crisis of faith, and the only answer is to have faith in yourself and the One who empowers you to write. Hang in there.
Blessings.
I think I can only echo what others have said thus far. Insecurity is normal, but it can be dangerous. Our writing is important, it changes lives, and we are writing to inspire/save souls--and of course, the devil hates that. He'll do anything possible to keep us from being effective ministers through our words. A daily relationship with God is important to reminding us that insecurity is not from Him. You know? And having your family and fellow writers around for encouragement and support is definitely a huge help...we all have faith in you!
ReplyDeleteOh, Jody, you became real to me in this post. From our time at conference that line from Twilight always plays in my head when I think of you. "You're strong independent woman. Take charge." That's how you came across, so confident, and I just wanted to harness some of that from you.
ReplyDeleteYes, I struggle with never being a good enough writer, with wasting precious time that I could be spending making life better for my children. Spending actually earning a living to help support our household even if hubby likes things the way they are.
I guess our doubts keep us humble in some ways. I'll pray that the anxiety lifts for you, Jody. Just look to God, He wouldn't have brought you this far if He believed you incapable of doing all this.
I think of all the things writers could have in common,it's fear. Knowing that we are not alone is so reassuring. I guess all we can do is our best and pray someone will take notice. I'm still waiting, and starting to lose faith, but reading posts like yours gives me the courage to try just one more time.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
I suppose the insecurities will always be present, but in the end I think you have to ask yourself, "Why do I write?" Would you still write if you had no other audience than God, yourself and your ideal reader? If the answer is yes, then you continue to write. Not to please your agent, publisher or audience, but because you have to; because you can't imagine NOT writing. That is your gift.
ReplyDeleteI held my breath. The tenderness nearly made me weep.
ReplyDeleteWe are His workmanship, created for good works that He has prepared for us. He will complete the good work He began in you.
Likely, you can't do it. Not yet. Not alone. But that is not all there is. We wait with you for the unfolding of it of His plan, His provision, His working through you.
His mercies are new every morning.
After all these lovely sentiments expressed, all I have to add is a big DITTO. You'll do fine, Jody.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, like most, I fear I'll never sell another short story. How do I cope? I don't dwell, plod along and pray I'll deliver.
It looks like at every stage of this journey there are insecruities. That's actually a great deal of relief for me.
ReplyDeleteRight now I feel like I'm wading through technique. Pulling off POV and other writerly tools like an amateur. Overwhelming feelings of gloom at every tap of the keys- will I ever get this right?!
You are most definitely not alone! I wonder it a lot for myself--and I'm unagented. It seemed easier before I learned about the process and the whole platform/marketing thing. The best thing I'd found is taking everything one step at a time. And doing what I love to the best of my ability: writing.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this, Jody! You are so talented. We all believe in you!
Lots of insecurities here. Becoming a published author has meant MORE insecurity, not less. Trying to trust God that His perfect plan will come to fruition. And remind myself that my value is found in Him and who He says I am, not in book sales/reviews/whatever.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being SO transparent with your insecurities - you are helping your fellow writers dispel the feelings that they are all alone on this journey. This verse always helps me:
ReplyDeletePsalm 139: 7-10
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
Hi Jodi, thanks for sharing. I think it's perfectly natural to feel all the things you're feeling. And I know that doesn't make any of it any easier.
ReplyDeleteMy first novel is out on submission now via my agent. When I start to obsess over the process or what if scenarios, I take breath and remind myself of what I do and don't have control over. And, that at this given moment in time, I am doing the best that I can do. At least this is the ideal thought process that I strive for.
I'm not sure if this is helpful, it's just how I work with my own process.
You are so honest Jody. That's what I love about this blog. I think we all have insecurities. My latest are: "What if my book never sells?" and "What if I can never finish another one?" The first I have no control over, so I have to let that one go, and the second is totally up to me, I have to make it happen.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your transparency, Jody! We all struggle with insecurities. When I'm faced with insecurities about my writing, I force myself to remember that the gift of writing came from my Creator, so if I'm faithful to His call, He'll do the rest! 1 Thes. 5:24 "Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it"!
ReplyDeleteI also am comforted by the words of 2 Tim. 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind".
Thanks for the post! Praying for you today!
Your husband sounds amazing.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I face insecurities all the time. This morning, I stared at the words "Chapter One" for way too long. All I could think was what if I write the book and it ends up being lame. What if my other books were the best I've got? Then I prayed and started typing. It's going to be an awesome book. That's the key--sit with the insecurities, but let them slide away and be replaced with the joy.
It must be write about your insecurities Wednesday . . . and nobody told me . . . again! Three different blogs about insecurities.
ReplyDeleteInsecurities are a part of life. Luckily, I have a really good support group that keep me grounded when I start wallowing in the insecurities 'what if's' of this crazy writing life. In fact, I have a snazzy email folder where I've emailed friends about my insecurities and they've responded back in a positive way. So, anytime I'm doubting myself, my abilities, this whole writerly life I've chosen for myself, I open up that folder and read through those emails.
Life is tough. A writer's life is even tougher because it is a fairly solitary life - just us and the characters we create. It's nice to have a support group of other writers, i.e., the blogsphere, who know exactly what I'm going through, as well as some good friends to pull me out of the depths of my insecurities.
Great post.
S
Jody, all the best writers struggle with feelings of inadequacy because they are able to distinguish good writing from bad writing. Your discernment and willingness to criticize yourself is what made your writing good enough to earn that contract.
ReplyDeleteThe reason there are so few good writers is because of the difficulty of balancing self-criticism with confidence. Most people are not confident enough to be able to look at their own work with clear eyes and still continue writing. How many wonderful writers has the world lost to fear of failure?
For me, understanding that those voices are my enemies helps me persist despite them.
We're wired to worry more at night, aren't we? Somehow, with the coming of the dawn, we can draw a deep breath, forge forward, and at least fake confidence. :)
ReplyDeleteI worry about all those things, the writing, the editing, the marketing, expectations, what ifs...my current worry is "People seem to be enjoying my first book, but what if they don't like the next one? What if I disappoint with my sophmore effort?"
Some things I've found helps me beat back the worry are
1. Pray
2. Start counting my blessings
3. Remember the affirmation I've been given to get this far.
Your post showed up late for me today. We are on the same wave. With the post and with the insecurities. I just had a rash bout of it. The thing that worked best for me was to remember to fight. It's worth the fight. Worth trusting in God and in a vision.
ReplyDeleteIt's worth the risk.
Saying prayers for you as you continue to move forward on your journey.
~ Wendy
Great stuff. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone today. I'm praying for you, too!
ReplyDeleteAfter 10 years of writing, I have yet to find a way to totally silence the insecurities. The best we can do is sit them off in the corner with a good book or something to quiet them and then go on with our day, ignoring them.
ReplyDeleteNow that I'm putting it out here in black and white, I feel silly... I'm experiencing the same thoughts about the deadlines and next books, and I'm not even finished with first book yet! Thanks for writing this. I feel better.
ReplyDeleteInsecurity is a killer, isn't it? It seems to be going around like the Swine Flu today. I have days when I feel like I can do it all and do it well. Then, other days, I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and give it all up. Today is a good day, so I'm thankful. I wish you the best, Jody. Prayer always helps.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's possible to be a writer and not have insecurities! I have my fair share and am still dealing with them, which is a pain because they can be really counter-productive. I'm glad your husband is so supportive and understanding! It helps to have someone care and listen :) I'm sure everyone who reads your blog is in the same exact boat.
ReplyDeleteAhhh so wonderful to know my little boat of insecurity has so much company in it!! Though I'm very experienced in insecurity, I'm not well-versed in how to overcome it. But this does come to mind...
ReplyDeleteIn college, we had a "senior reading." All the senior writing majors sat down with their portfolios and everyone "voted" on what the rest should read aloud to peers, professors, families, at a reading.
I was MORTIFIED at what they picked for me. It was one of those "this would only happen to Bekah" stories that I could not fathom some of these people reading to themselves, much less me reading aloud TO them. But despite my insecurity - and by that, I mean flat out pee-your-pants-fear - I read it, and you know what? They laughed. They loved it. And that was when I learned I could write funny things too. I'd never known that before.
So what I learned from that is to just DO it. And probably the scarier it is - the better it is. Now...do I follow this religiously? No! I still succomb to pee-your-pants-fear. But I think you're going to just DO it - and succeed wildly!
Wow!! I'm SO loving reading everyone's comments today! This has been one of the most encouraging comment-days that I think I can remember! I might have to do a blog post with all of your suggestions for overcoming insecurity! They're such awesome suggestions!!
ReplyDeleteI have asked my self those questions many times. There are times when I've been ready to walk away, but I can't. I agree with M J Macie about writing. I believe the questioning helps us grow and the support and encouragement of other writers, family and friends along with our faith will get us through these times.
ReplyDeleteBoy, can I relate, Jody. I FREAKED out when I first worked within a deadline. The pressure I felt combined with my insecurities regarding my ability knocked me flat.
ReplyDeleteThankfully, my husband is my #1 cheerleader. He lets me vent, then reminds me WHY I'm doing this (God gave me a gift, I'm being a good steward). He then helps me to see that EVERYONE struggles with feeling this way at some point (even my hubby, an engineer), and then he prays with me, which ALWAYS helps.
Personally, I write because God makes me. I consistantly remind myself (and God) that all this was His idea, not mine, and I'm only walking (er, writing) in obedience. This enables me to trust the Lord with the whole thing. And THAT takes the pressure off me, and helps me enjoy the journey.
Excellent post, Jody. Thank you for sharing so honestly!
Hi Jody -
ReplyDeleteAh, insecurities are going around like H1N1 today.
My thought process involves the "will-I-ever-be-good-enough-to-get-this-book-published" question. The cure: God equips those He calls.
By myself, the answer is, "no way." With Him, it's, "nothing is impossible."
Blessings,
Susan :)
When I got news of the book contract, I jumped for joy
ReplyDeleteand then started crying.
seriously - my family thought I had lost it. but, it was such a relief and i felt so, so grateful.
as artists, we feel our emotions, we live them perhaps more than others. it's okay - that's what fuels our work.
Thank you for writing this post. I no longer feel so alone in this insane writing world. My biggest fear? Is that I will never land an agent or have my book published, after I have spent endless hours working on it.
ReplyDeleteWe just have to keep praying and believing in ourselves. We must remember that God hears our prayers and will guide us into the future he holds for us.
Insecurity seems to go hand in hand with writers. And once you get past one set, another crops up. As soon as your book hits the shelf, you get faced with reviews from people may not like your voice or your writing. It can be tough. My solution is to surround myself with friends and family who love me and who remind me my value isn't based on success or deadlines. My value comes from being a child of God. It isn't always easy, but it helps. Here's hoping for a better night's sleep. :]
ReplyDeleteJody,
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so honest. That's why I come here and why I too consider you a friend. You share your fears --the same fears and doubts we all carry at one time or another. Writing is so very personal that when we let others in, it opens us up to fearing if we fail.
But you know something? You won't fail. I know it from the part of you that you've shown on here.
And all of us are behind you cheering you on no matter what!
Aww, Jody, I love your transparency. You always seem to assured and confident and it is refreshing to hear that you also live out the reality that we all live. Fear and insecurity are a real part of life. Sure, we can say we trust in the Lord's leading and His timing, and yet we all struggle with doubt.
ReplyDeleteGod will see you through and all you have to do is take that next step. Walk through the doors opened up for you with confidence. :) You can do it all!!!
I wish we could sit at Panera over bagels and coffee/tea and talk, because wow, I'm so feeling this lately, and I'm not even contracted. I can imagine how much everything just intensifies when you get to that point. How much more pressure you would feel to live up to everybody's expectations. I think we always think things will get better once we reach that next stage. Like, "Once I get an agent, I'll start believing in myself more. Things will get better." Or, "Once I get a contract, things will get better." But it doesn't seem to work that way. I'm just realizing that. I have an agent, but it's not like anything has magically gotten better. It's not like I'm all filled with confidence and security in the future. Or that my doubts have vanished. Nope, not at all. In fact, it seems to bring up a whole new set of doubts. I'm willing to bet, if I ever do get a contract, that the same thing happens all over again - only with more pressure added to the mix.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your authenticity in this post. It's good to know I'm not alone.
Love,
Katie
Normally I'm right there with you... but today an agent wrote back and said she loved my partial and wants to see the full MS! WOOT!
ReplyDeleteInsecurities banished for the next 24 hours!
The latest challenge I've had is just doubting my overall ability to write. It usually accompanies some other things happening in my life at the same time, so you'd think I'd see it coming. It'll pass, for down inside I know this is my calling. Thankfully the Lord is on my side:) Blessings to you and your readers!
ReplyDeleteI'm not in your boat yet, but as I paddle along in my own little dingy I recite the mantra that keeps me from sinking: "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." (Psalm 143:8)
ReplyDeleteI think it's human nature to have these doubts. My DH reminds me, "We may not know what our future holds but we know who holds our future."
Oh the doubts. Yes. They infect my head often. will I ever be able to edit this memoir to make it what I want it to be. will I ever write synopsis that does my book justice? Will I ever write a query letter worthy of an agents eyes? Will I ever write anything that truly impacts?
ReplyDeleteI love that scripture Carol posted. Beautiful. I need to focus on that.
Jody,
ReplyDeleteThe insecurities I have revolve around whether or not I will ever get published. I know I'm working at it, but everything I do suggests that I'm not working hard enough.
All I can do is keep making my lists of what I need to accomplish today and stay with it.
You're definitely not alone, Jody. Just keep plugging away, praying, and believing in yourself. You've already accomplished a ton. You can do it! :)
ReplyDeleteHow do I get over the insecurities? I look at my progress, I talk to close friends and family, and I listen to my heart since this is exactly what I feel I should be doing with my life.
*SIgh* Isn't it true? Those doubts just never leave us. I pray the day you see your work on the bookshelves you will feel that exhileration of accomplishment totally without self doubt. It follows us even into our most triumphant moments.
ReplyDeleteMy self doubts? We don't have that kind of time. Oddly it's balanced at the moment with a mostly false sense of bravado but I stick to the word and it tells me I can do all things with Jesus. It's true for you too. (Hug)
While I'm in the very early stages of all of this, your post, and all of the reader comments, is timely and treasured.
ReplyDeleteI am touched by your courage, to be on this writing journey, and to share the truth about it.
Sincere wishes for the strength to just keep taking those steps forward.
okay, now I've started to read your previous post about journey and steps...
ReplyDeleteWhile my encouragement wasn't original to you, it was funny to see my words back at me :).
And I'll check out the link, thank you.
Jody, your fears I think in the end will give you the strength you need to do what needs to be done. The fact that you take what you do seriously, worry about others expectations etc. just reinforce what we already know about you...you are an amazing person and a dedicated writer! Hang in there, I'll be praying for you:)
ReplyDeleteJody,
ReplyDeleteAs I'm the 58th comment, it's obvious you're not alone in your insecurities! I sure can relate to what you're saying.
God's blessed you with a passion and ability to write, a husband who "gets it" and supports you, and a ton of friends cheering you on.
You might wake up and fear, "What if I can't." But...what if you can?
Jody: You are not alone. We love you and believe in you, and so does Jesus. After all this time and effort, He's not going to let you down now. Take a deep breath, pray that most profound prayer of all time: "Help me, Lord," and ask Him for ideas and wisdom.
ReplyDeleteWhenever you hear "what if," it's the devil trying to discourage you. Tell him to shut up, and throw yourself on the mercy of the Lord who loved you enough to die for you, and still loves you.
You can do this.
When I am feeling insecure, I pray, eat too much, exercise, and send emails to sweet friends like you who lift me up out of my pit.
I love you, dear. Don't despair.
Jen
Audience of ONE
P.S. I'd be honored if you popped up on my first interview today, at my blog...
What a beautiful post today, putting yourself on the page. With this type of poignant writing, rest assured your book will be amazing. I feel insecurities, when I send out certain queries, or open a responding email. When I edit a chapter, wondering if this approach is most effective. Writing is so full of questions, but one way I get past them is through knowing there is no way I can imagine my life without writing. It's who I am, doubts or not. I agree with Karen, your children will come to understand passion, and living your choices, through you. Write on, Jody, write on ...
ReplyDeleteI sure hope by the time I post my comment your feeling stronger. Insecurity sucks! I just started my endeavor into writing professionally. So, my insecurities go something like this: Will I be able to pull off an interesting plot line? Will I create something someone, anyone, will enjoy? Will I I frustrate my early reader will all my typos and errors in a rush to get what's in my head onto paper?
ReplyDeleteThe holiday bring out more emotions, both good and bad.
I don't think I am good enough to be in your position.If I ever I am, I know I have the support of friends and DH.
ReplyDeleteJody just do it, enjoy it and live it. You have come so far.
I think it's the same thing, what if I can't do this. But I've said that every step of the way. I don't think I can write a query letter, but I have. I don't think I can write a synopsis, but I have.
ReplyDeleteIt's all in the steps. You've come this far. I'm sure you can do it.
As much as I dislike the insecurities that come with this writing journey, I'm not sure that dispelling them completely would be a good thing. At least not for me. Knowing that I'm not up to the task on my own keeps my head in a better place than it would be if I felt I could do it all, and do it well. I come to the computer each day reminding myself and the Lord that He will have to pull it off again today, because I feel dry, or I have too many options for this next scene, or I got nothing, or my head is so full of scenes I want to write that I can't focus. Looking beyond the writing to agents, contracts, deadlines, marketing... I quail. But I once thought I could no longer complete a novel (chemo brain), yet day by day the Lord enabled and inspired and showed me grace. And I did finish. I value my awareness of my need to lean on the Lord. I don't think I'd like who I would become if I didn't. The key for me has been not to spend very long mired in the anxiety, but to go quickly to the Lord and give it to Him, and then get back to work. Today is no exception. :)
ReplyDeleteLove this post, Jody, because it's so REAL. We all have insecurities, but lots of the times, we hide them and figure we're alone. But if it's one thing I've learned in the writing world, we are NOT alone in our insecurities! LOL I think creative people in general are often very insecure.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling insecure about the writing right now, too, especially with two more agent rejections this week.
The whole process is very humbling. Thank you for being so honest with us.
ReplyDeleteI'm so manic on this topic. some days I am so fiercely sure of myself... and a moment later I'm could cry with an almost shame like crouching fear that I've stumbled into a room full of kings and queens and I'm a peasant.
ReplyDeleteI gave a shout out of support for Rachelle on my blog today. Best!
Suzy
I had my own meltdown yesterday. I shared it with my DH instead of suffering in silence this time.
ReplyDeleteWe should all follow the example of my cat--just stick your head in the dish and go for it. Don't worry what's in the dish. For the love of writing, write. :o)
ReplyDeleteJody, with you two billion percent.
ReplyDeleteMy characters exaggerated today, and I can't keep the habit.
A pro's comment to me: "Well, if you don't do this, you'll be a one-book wonder." The same exact sentence was used after Bayou, except "two" replaced one. Then it's three, four...
Do you think twenty-book wonders go through this as well?
Signs point to yes.
God help us all!
Patti
P.S. Love this blog.
I have the same feelings, Jody, and I'm not anywhere close to where you are. It does become almost an unending cycle, the constant pressure to do better and better and better.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Jody, and thanks for being so honest about it at all.
We're all human and we all have our own flavor of insecurities. I've got my share but find I'm casting more off as I get older.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm good enough.
ReplyDeleteAnd I definately don't deserve it.
What if I don't have the gumption needed to endure the ups-and-downs and technicalities of the writing-to-be-published life?
Jody, thanks for sharing from the depths of your heart. What a gift your husband is. I have one who is supportive like him, and I'm blessed beyond belief. I don't know how I'd persevere some days without my Gwynly. He's the president of my fan club who listens without complaint, picks me up, dusts me off and reminds me time and again that I can do this.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this. My insecurity is in the realm of will I ever get an agent? is my book good enough? my query letter? It's nice to know I'm in good company.
ReplyDeleteYou moved my heart with this one Jody! My fiance pushes me to keep writing on my WIP. And like you, I pull out my fears. What if I'm not good enough? What if they don't like it? What if it doesn't sell? and many more. You have a wonderful husband who's a big support and you're already a success in our eyes! hugs!
ReplyDeleteGreat, heartfelt post. I think insecurity is deeply embedded in this career path because writing is such a personal act. We put our hearts on the page and then let someone judge if it's worthy or not--no hiding--and that's tough.
ReplyDeleteI am confident you will do fine with all the challenges in front of you. It sounds like you have a very supportive husband and family behind you. And remember, problems always seem bigger in the middle of the night. By morning, they usually don't seem as daunting.